I had thought this time she would truly turn away for good.
Surprisingly, Espin sent another letter.
I deliberately didn’t respond to her request for a visit.
Yet Espin came in person.
She offered no warm greeting.
We shared no lengthy conversation.
Sometimes she would face me and turn away immediately.
If we happened to exchange more than a few words, they were always cold.
She spoke without hesitation, even words that could feel insulting.
Even so, Espin was always bright.
She smiled kindly and radiantly.
I had expected her to tire quickly, but she persisted in approaching me for over a year.
In the lonely palace, her cheerful voice echoed, if only briefly.
Even after she left, that brightness seemed to linger.
The initial sense of crisis I felt grew stronger with time.
This girl doesn’t suit me.
Unlike me, she’s an unscarred being, raised with love.
Even a few words exchanged made that painfully clear.
So I hoped she wouldn’t come closer.
I hoped she wouldn’t fall into my dangers with me.
And as time passed.
“Prince Luciano. Please tell Espin to join me for tea next time.”
“I heard Espin visited yesterday. I’d love to meet her myself.”
Empress Isabel began asking after Espin’s well-being every time we crossed paths.
Now I realized it was truly time to end this situation.
* * *
“I’ve brought a gift.”
Espin greeted me in a voice even more lively than usual, holding out the basket she had brought.
“Ta-da!”
Inside the basket were heaps of orange muffins.
Food.
I had noticed the scent wafting from her when she entered, but seeing it with my own eyes made my expression harden involuntarily.
“They’re cheese muffins. I brought them so we could eat together.”
The sight of the food brought back memories of past events.
“Here, try one. They’re delicious.”
“Prince, you must be thirsty, right?”
The moment my uncle had handed me the poison.
“They’re not too sweet. You should be able to enjoy them just fine.”
“I prepared this myself.”
The moment I had trusted and been betrayed.
My mind went blank.
I knew the situation could be different, but my reason couldn’t hold out.
Words interrogating Espin slipped out casually.
“How do I know there’s no poison in them?”
“I’ll prove it!”
Even as she asserted her innocence, all I felt was disbelief.
Then Espin began an utterly absurd act.
“If I eat them all and I’m fine, that means there’s no poison, right? So, believe me then.”
As if to prove her words, she ignorantly grabbed a muffin and ate it.
I had complacently thought she’d eat one or two just for show, but that illusion shattered quickly.
Even as she made faces like she was suffering terribly, she crammed the muffins into her mouth one after another.
“Stop eating.”
“No. I’ll eat them all.”
Espin grew paler and paler, yet she kept eating and eating.
“I said stop eating.”
“Three left.”
“Now, ha…”
Words accusing her of protesting rose to the tip of my tongue.
“It’s fine. Two left.”
“I’ve eaten them all. See, I’m fine? No poison!”
When Espin, tears in her eyes, finished the last muffin, it felt like my own insides were more blocked up.
“Ugh!”
And sure enough, Espin couldn’t hold it in and vomited everything up.
I could only stare at her ashen face.
“Ugh, this, ugh, isn’t because of poison, ugh, no, uuuugh!”
Even as she forcibly retched in agony, Espin insisted it wasn’t poison.
Right up until she was on the verge of fainting.
Only after Espin passed out did I come to my senses.
I couldn’t let others see her like this, so I handled the cleanup myself.
I couldn’t undress her, so I roughly washed off what was on the outside, then called a maid to change her clothes.
After laying her on the bed, I summoned the physician.
I knew those two would go straight to Empress Isabel and report everything.
But I couldn’t just leave the collapsed Espin unattended.
After a brief explanation and examination, the physician diagnosed it succinctly as acute indigestion from overeating.
I received the medicine and sent the physician away.
Finally, I sent someone to inform the Samuel household of the situation.
I had done all I could.
Even in her dazed state, Espin looked miserable.
“I’m sorry, so sorry.”
“Hng, I’m sorry. Sorry…”
“Hic, really, ugh, no poison. Sniff, it’s not like that.”
“Sob, it’s unfair… Why me, huuung, only me, huuuung.”
“Ugh, uh, now, guh, what do I do… Guh, Mommm.”
“Huff huff, I’m sorry. Ngh, no poison. Huuung.”
That once-bright girl wailed, alternating between pouring out her grievances and apologizing.
I was the one who should be sorry.
This wasn’t what I intended.
I hadn’t wanted it to go this far.
I was just afraid.
But now I understood.
The moment Espin offered me food, my uncle came to mind because I trusted her.
Unbeknownst to me, over the year, I had come to believe in her sincerity through her unwavering brightness and consistency, and that’s why I pushed her away so fiercely—I feared I couldn’t endure another betrayal like that.
I couldn’t bear that I was the one who had driven Espin into a corner.
Her eyes, swollen from crying so much they seemed crushed, worried me, so I covered them with my palm.
“I’m the one who’s sorry.”
That apology was all I could offer.
“Really, I’m sorry.”
Soon after, people arrived from the Samuel household in response to the message.
“My lady! Why has our young lady collapsed? What on earth happened?”
I explained the situation to the woman who said she was Espin’s nanny and handed over the medicine from the physician.
The nanny thanked me and hurriedly took Espin away.
After sending Espin off like that, my mind remained unsettled for a while.
I couldn’t visit her, nor could I inquire after her well-being.
Because I was the one who had made it this way.
I had no right.
Amid that anxious time, a letter finally arrived from Espin.
[Dear Prince Luciano.
It’s been a while since I’ve contacted you.
I should have sent a letter of apology and thanks earlier, but please forgive me for only doing so now, as my health has been poor.
First, let me express my gratitude.
Thank you for sending me back to the estate after I collapsed.
And I’m sorry for displeasing you with an unnecessary gift.
I truly had no impure intentions.
I’m truly sorry for showing you such an unpleasant sight that day.
I hope you can erase that horrific incident from your memory and enjoy peaceful days.
Finally, I’m really sorry for bothering you all this time.
I don’t know how you feel about it, but I was somewhat happy during the time we spent together.
If there are ways I’ve displeased you, I hope you’ll generously understand.
I won’t bother you anymore from now on.
Espin Samuel, who is too ashamed to lift her head.]
It was a letter saying she wouldn’t come again.
I read it over and over, and time and again I picked up a pen to write a reply.
But in the end, I couldn’t write one.
Because I knew I had given her an unforgettable bad memory.
If even that kind person turned away, it was obvious she had been deeply wounded.
Regret lingered, and sorrow too.
‘It’s for the best.’
From the beginning, I had planned to distance myself from Espin.
Dragging it out for a year had been a mistake.
It had to be this way, for her sake.
It would be hard for a while, but I thought if I just endured, it would be fine.
Unaware that I had committed yet another wrong against Espin.
* * *
“A week from now, there will be a spring tea party in the garden of Empress Isabel’s palace, and you are to attend.”
I didn’t need to ask who it was from.
The messenger was one of Empress Isabel’s maids who often lingered around my palace.
“Then, I’ll be going.”
The maid turned away without waiting for a reply.
Her attitude made it clear I had no right to refuse.
A prince ignored even by a maid.
That was my position.
Pathetically, Empress Isabel helped ensure I never forgot that position.
The unwanted time arrived in an instant.
When I reached the tea party venue, I had no choice but to stop at the entrance.
‘Espin…?’
I hadn’t expected her to be there.
I thought she wouldn’t attend because of her poor health.
‘Even if not, I figured she’d avoid coming just to not see me.’
Unlike the other children, Espin sat all alone.
And at the table where I was supposed to sit.
It seemed like Empress Isabel’s intention.
Knowing that, I couldn’t easily step inside.
Was it okay to meet Espin like this?
‘She’d feel burdened seeing me…’
While lingering at the entrance like that.
I ended up witnessing everything happening to Espin.
“Um, Betty…”
People ignoring Espin.
“Um, I wanted to ask…”
People avoiding her even when she tried to speak.
Soon after, Espin sitting alone, staring blankly as time passed.
Once I grasped the situation, my whole body trembled.
It was a chill on a different level from when I was bullied.
In the end, I had made her an outcast.
Out of selfish desire to savor a bit more of Espin’s warmth.
I had stolen away the people around her.
I had plunged her into the despair of loneliness.
