Chapter 16
* * *
“The previous duke poisoned every meal I ate. He added just enough poison so I wouldn’t die outright, but it made me wish I had died instead.”
“……”
“When I was young, I was so lonely that I ate with servants in front of me… I just wanted someone, anyone, to be there with me. Only later did I realize that those servants I kept close were the ones poisoning me.”
He spoke in an utterly casual tone, as if recounting something that had happened to someone else. Unlike Kavil, who seemed completely unaffected by his own words, Helena’s eyes twisted as if she might burst into tears at any moment.
“After that, I don’t keep anyone close. Constant suspicion is exhausting. Well, thanks to it, I’ve built up tolerance to all sorts of poisons, so I suppose I should be grateful for that.”
“……”
“So if you ever want to kill me, you’d better avoid poison, wife.”
Kavil stared at her with cold eyes, but his lips hardened at her words that followed soon after.
“…It must have been so hard.”
“What?”
“And so lonely.”
“……”
Facing her tear-filled green eyes, an uncharacteristic flicker of bewilderment crossed Kavil’s face.
A crack appeared in his straight brow for a moment before he furrowed it menacingly and spat out his words as if grinding them.
“I didn’t say that to get your pity, so drop that expression—it’s annoying.”
“…That wasn’t my intention. I just…”
“Just what? Compared to your childhood, do I suddenly seem pitiful to you?”
“……”
Helena wanted to say she simply empathized. Though not to the same extent as Kavil, she too had grown up under a cruel father.
“The previous duke completely ignored the young master. He seemed to think he lost the duchess because of him.”
Suddenly, she recalled what the butler had said about Kavil’s childhood.
Kavil, who had lost his mother at five and grown up bearing the full brunt of his father’s rage without even time to grieve.
Countless words lingered on the tip of her tongue, but no matter how she phrased them, they would only come across as cheap pity to him. After hesitating several times, Helena finally closed her mouth with a sigh.
In an instant, the atmosphere between them sharpened like a blade.
“I don’t want to continue this conversation with you. I’ll go first.”
Without waiting for her response, Kavil left the room. Helena stared at the suddenly empty seat across from her, swallowed a sigh, and set down her fork.
Their relationship felt like a puzzle that couldn’t even be attempted. The completed pictures each held were so different that no matter what, they could only misalign—like that kind of puzzle.
Pressing firmly against her chest in frustration, Helena soon rose from her seat as well.
As Helena stepped out of the restaurant, her steps halted. Kavil, whom she thought would be waiting in the carriage, was standing right in front.
With his back to her, a deep shadow stretched long behind him. Helena gazed at his back for a moment before speaking.
“I didn’t expect you to be waiting out front.”
At the sound of her voice, Kavil turned slowly and shrugged, gesturing toward the lakeside with his eyes.
“You seemed like you wanted to see it. You didn’t eat and were glued to the window the whole time.”
“……”
“If you don’t want to…”
“I don’t mind.”
“……”
“I like it.”
“…What?”
Kavil’s lips stiffened in confusion.
“The lake, I mean. Like you said, I’ve wanted to see it since earlier.”
“……”
“Why that expression?”
“…Never mind. What are you doing? You said you wanted to see it.”
Kavil spat out curtly and turned abruptly. Blinking at his unpredictable reaction, Helena hurried after him before he got too far.
The ferry glided smoothly through the waves, moving forward. Sunlight filtered through the green forest filled with the scent of spring, shattering over the lake’s surface.
As she bent down and carefully dipped her hand into the transparent water, Kavil suddenly came into her view. Since boarding the ferry, he had been silently rowing without a word.
His face suggested the peaceful atmosphere was awkward and unbearably uncomfortable. At this unfamiliar side of Kavil, the corners of Helena’s mouth lifted unconsciously.
“You can stop rowing now.”
“……”
“We’re quite far from the dock.”
Kavil stared blatantly at her upturned lips before silently turning his head. Then, an endless expanse of blue lake filled his vision.
When he stopped rowing—the one thing that had seemed somewhat entertaining—useless thoughts crept in.
Like wanting to grasp Helena’s hair tousled by the wind in his hand, or,
‘I want to see her smiling a bit more.’
Things like that desire. Realizing half a beat late what he had been thinking, Kavil shook his head vigorously to shake off the thoughts.
It was too late for regrets now, but he wanted to punch his past self for suggesting they board the ferry first.
If Helena liked the scenery, they should have just taken a casual stroll around the lakeside and headed back. No matter how regretfully she had looked at the ferry, he shouldn’t have given in.
If he had predicted a future where they were alone on a boat in the quiet lake surrounded by water on all sides, he never would have suggested it. He covered his face with one hand and let out a long sigh.
Pretending to scan the lakeside casually, Kavil’s eyes suddenly stopped on Helena. What was so enjoyable about the utterly boring scenery that her lush green eyes sparkled?
Unconsciously propping his chin, he slowly scanned her.
Just like in the restaurant, she seemed busy filling her eyes with the surrounding landscape.
Her clear eyes busily moved, taking in the lake’s pale water color, the forest’s deep teal, and the sun’s warm yellow light.
The sight alone filled his heart to bursting, and Kavil’s own heart gradually relaxed. Anyway, seeing her enjoy herself was enough, he thought.
Then, unexpectedly, a soft voice rang in his ear.
“…I had an accident when I was young.”
Helena’s gaze was still fixed on the lakeside.
“I don’t remember what kind of accident it was. But what’s certain is that after that, I became afraid of enclosed spaces.”
“……”
“That day… if you hadn’t opened the attic door, I would have been stuck there.”
She slowly turned her head, her gaze meeting Kavil’s.
“Thank you, for coming to find me.”
With a faint smile on her lips, Kavil’s heart lurched without warning. Feeling inexplicably breathless, he barely managed to speak.
“…You already said that.”
“I wanted to say it properly again. The thank you from before felt like it lacked sincerity.”
“……”
“I put a lot of heart into this one. How does it feel?”
Helena tilted her head with a gentle smile. Feeling an uncomfortable tickle in his chest, Kavil avoided her gaze and said.
“…Sometimes you seem to have a really peculiar side.”
“Pardon?”
Just moments ago, he had thought he wanted to see her smile.
But now, feeling like if he looked any longer he’d suffocate and want to jump into the lake, Kavil blatantly changed the subject.
“Anyway, was the investigation you asked me for useful?”
“Ah, yes. It came in handy for negotiating with the count.”
“Negotiating? Weren’t you going to discuss the culprit’s punishment?”
Kavil slightly furrowed his brow.
“We haven’t talked about that yet. The count didn’t even know my second sister was the culprit.”
“……”
“It must be hard to believe. He always favored her a lot.”
“…So the negotiation. Was it successful?”
“I got back something I’ve wanted for a long time. At first, I thought that would satisfy me enough, but once I had it, it didn’t.”
Helena smiled faintly with a bitter expression. Kavil wrinkled his brow deeply and muttered irritably.
“That doesn’t sound like a successful negotiation at all.”
“By my standards, it wasn’t a bad deal.”
“That means it was a losing deal. A successful negotiation is when you take so much that the other party never wants to deal with you again.”
“……”
“Tomorrow will be the third day already. I clearly warned the count. If he doesn’t bring the culprit to me, I’ll go get them myself.”
“……”
Helena swallowed a sigh and nodded. No news had arrived from the count’s estate yet. She recalled the count’s face, roaring in anger at the claim that Bianca was the culprit.
Before the promised deadline passed, Helena hoped that at least Bianca would come to sincerely apologize to her. That was all she wanted.
As soon as they arrived at the estate, Helena headed straight to the annex and tied on an apron. She wanted to capture the scenery she’d seen today in a painting before forgetting it.
Marian, following behind, approached in horror at the sight of Helena preparing to paint in earnest.
“Madam! You’re not planning to paint, are you? You’ve been out all day and just got back—maybe rest today…”
“It won’t take long, Marian. I just want to sketch it roughly before I forget what I saw today.”
“Oh, madam, really. How about changing into something comfortable first?”
“It’s fine. This is comfortable enough.”
“……”
Confirming Helena had set up all her art supplies and stationed herself at the easel, Marian shook her head with a resigned expression. As she slipped off Helena’s shoes and replaced them with slippers, Marian said.
“You promised me? You have to finish quickly, madam.”
Marian swallowed the words that if the master knew the madam was overworking herself like this, it would be a big problem.
Helena nodded with a smile. Swish, swish. Recalling the scenery she’d seen today, Helena moved her brush.
Layering greens, teals, and blacks to create the vast, lush forest, and blues, grays, and deep indigos for the deep, transparent lake. And atop the small ferry, a man rowing.
Satisfied with the painting that roughly matched her memory, Helena stepped back from the easel and smiled proudly.
