Episode 30
‘You seem to have a lot on your mind.’
‘Brother.’
He was smiling and saying he came to meet Father, but in reality, it was clear that my brother had come a long way to see me.
Whether rumors about me had spread to the Halberd family, the face of my brother facing me was full of pity for me.
‘You look terrible. I don’t know where the little brother I know has gone, and a patient who looks like he’s about to die is standing there. So, when you came, were there many geniuses greater than you?’
‘It’s not because of that.’
‘Then what is it because of? Rus, I can’t imagine the weight of the burden you’re carrying. Nor how heavy Father’s expectations are. You’re suffering because of this incompetent brother. If I had talent, you wouldn’t have had to walk this difficult path alone.’
‘Don’t you resent your little brother, Brother?’
‘What? I’m just proud of you. I just wish you were a child who knew how to reveal your inner thoughts a bit more. Rus, people refer to geniuses as lucky ones with innate abilities. But I don’t think so. A genius is merely the product of enormous endurance. And within that endurance, there is something desperate mixed with confidence and despair. I don’t know well what you’re suffering from now. I can’t dare guarantee that I can alleviate your pain. But I just want to see it. You from the time we were most proud of, when you shone more brilliantly than anyone when holding a sword. And remember. Many people are worrying about you. Especially Mother.’
People often compared me to my second brother. They mocked his qualities as inferior to his younger brother and expressed him as a fool for calmly laughing off their ridicule.
But I know. How many tears flowed and dried repeatedly in the heart of my brother who acts as if nothing is wrong.
In fact, since my brother is also human, it would be a lie if he didn’t hate me to the point of loathing for making him miserable.
But my brother endured it with patience. He endured it with affection for me. He is a person with self-love stronger than anyone and pride overflowing just as much, but he had the discernment to distinguish the object of hatred.
That’s why I respect my brother. Respetto Halberd, my second brother, was a man deserving of respect.
In fact, my second brother’s words couldn’t be an indulgence for the murder. Nor could they be. But they were sufficient to give me the strength to overcome the nightmare.
I gained stability from his words and was able to regain my identity. As my mind became calm, I was no longer swayed by evil spirits. Naturally, the skill that everyone admired returned.
I rose day by day. I always won not only in sparring among knights but also in knightly duels staked on the pride among nobles. There were few in this empire who could defeat me with a sword.
Perhaps that’s why? People praised that I might become the empire’s top knight before turning thirty.
Around the time six years had passed since entering the Wischwaltz family as a knight, everyone in the empire extolled me as a genius and said that Rustein Halberd was the sword representing the Wischwaltz family.
The mocking and criticizing appearances had disappeared somewhere, and everyone smiled at me. At least within the Wischwaltz family, there was no one who disliked me.
***
Originally, being a knight isn’t just about wielding a sword well.
One could become a true knight only by maintaining dignity as the lord’s sword, faithfully living while upholding the virtues given to oneself.
Loyalty and faith, humility, bravery, love, tolerance, and protection of the weak. My father, Ferdian Halberd, was a person more faithful to the knight’s virtues than anyone.
Father was loyal to Count Wischwaltz and adored his daughter, Lady Roena. At the same time, he urged me to live upholding the honor of a knight.
Therefore, until I entered the Wischwaltz family, I thought all knights were noble beings with the same sublime beauty as Father.
But that was merely my misconception. The knights I met were only good at handling swords, but their thoughts and actions were no different from the commoners or servants they looked down upon.
No, there were some worse than the ruffians in the back alleys. This was too vulgar and even violent, covered by loyalty to the count.
Humility and respect aside, there were many behaviors despising commoners or serfs to demand protection of the weak.
Sishe de Wischwaltz was quite an appetizing prey for them.
Just yesterday, a girl who was running around the streets suddenly becomes the lady they must serve, so most of them felt unpleasant and annoyed about it.
The noble lady they thought of was not such a vulgar woman who luckily obtained a title by chance.
She had to be born with noble bloodline and possess elegance that couldn’t be approached carelessly. Like Roena de Wischwaltz.
I had heard the name of Lady Sisse quite a long time before facing her.
Because the knights training swords with me, my squire Fel, and even the maids walking the corridors all whispered mentioning her name.
Most of their conversations were close to slander. People mocked her along with mentioning the mother of the lady who would become the wife of the count’s family.
They ridiculed that the daughter of the woman who seduced the lord and took the position of the count’s family’s mistress would have indescribable vulgarity. The sympathy for Lady Roena was additional.
It’s astonishing to the point of wondering if it’s really possible for everyone to unite like this and show hostility toward one person.
But they made it possible. No, not stopping at that, they constantly compared her to Lady Roena and giggled.
This was disrespect toward the lord, Count Wischwaltz, but no one pointed it out. I was inwardly displeased with that fact.
What would it feel like to live a life constantly compared to someone? It would probably be like hell.
Having never encountered an insurmountable wall, I don’t know what frustration is, and thus I couldn’t even dare to harbor resentment toward anyone, but even I could somewhat guess the extent of the pain my second brother must have felt. How much more so for the person involved.
Fortunately, my second brother calmly endured all these insults and is still holding up well. That’s why I respected him and showed more respectful attitude toward him than my first brother in gatherings like hunts.
Therefore, people might mock my second brother behind his back, but they dared not show ridiculing words about him in front of me.
Lady Sisse would be the same. She too must be experiencing the painful time that my second brother tasted and is tasting.
But she was different from my second brother. I could well guess that from the first meeting, that is, from the time I discovered her seeming to cry in the garden.
In fact, until then, I had no thoughts about Sisse de Wischwaltz.
I only had the mind to respect and follow the decision made by my lord, Count Wischwaltz.
However, in a corner of the garden where no one was, when I saw her sitting huddled up lest she catch others’ eyes, I tasted an indescribable strange emotion. It was pity.
My second brother, Respetto Halberd, is a knight who knows chivalry. He learned endurance while honing his sword and acquired the way to control and overcome emotions through proper education. In some aspects, he had stronger and better qualities than me.
But Lady Sisse is different. She is a slender girl who has just entered the world of nobility and hasn’t learned how to cope with malice.
Therefore, the only thing she can do is hide like this and compose her emotions.
I approached Lady Sisse and offered a handkerchief. This was closer to an impulse rather than to uphold the knight’s virtue of adoring a lady or protecting the weak.
I couldn’t help but pity her, who was in the same position as my brother but even weaker than him.
The rumored Lady Sisse, whom I faced for the first time, was quite surprising than I thought.
She would have been just a commoner a few days ago, but from the small action of receiving the handkerchief, dignity was felt.
Moreover, the words of thanks or the attitude naturally flowing from them were no less than Lady Roena.
She was quite a beautiful girl. The eyes wide open in surprise didn’t become any flaw in her shining appearance.
Rather, the eyes trembling sadly in fear of the unfamiliar knight were captivating the gaze.
The attitude of avoiding gaze as if feeling shame or the action of tightly holding the handkerchief received from me were all far from the vulgarity that everyone ridiculed in unison.
“I hope you forget the sight from earlier. Please.”
She seemed to have already mastered the way to swallow sadness. Above all, the appearance of trying to hide things that could be talked about by others, conscious of others’ gazes, was quite pitiful.
Probably that’s why. The impulsive utterance that she didn’t have to return the handkerchief.
Since I don’t have a kind disposition, I didn’t know how to comfort those in such situations.
Even for my second brother, I only uphold his pride by taking courtesy close to respect.
Therefore, comforting Lady Sisse felt difficult. I wanted to say something, but it seemed like a great rudeness.
The day after meeting Lady Sisse in the garden, a rumor spread that because of her, Lady Roena was greatly scolded by her father, the count.
“They say Miss Sisse pestered Miss Roena for a maid. The maids who were there say it was the first time for such a rude and brazen request. Isn’t it interesting?”
My squire Fel is clever and quick in action, perfect as a page, but his thin ears and frivolity often caused problems.
There was no rumor in the count’s family that Fel didn’t know. He liked gossip and enjoyed spreading it to others and chattering together. The person this little boy is interested in these days is Miss Sisse.
“Rumors are not to be believed. Instead of listening to such things, polish one more sword.”
“But our beautiful Miss Roena burst into tears, don’t you feel something boiling up as a knight! If I were the knight, I would have run to Miss Roena right away and offered a handkerchief. Kyaa~”
“Didn’t I tell you repeatedly? A true knight.”
“Yes, yes. A knight should not be swayed by vain rumors, think of what he sees with his eyes, believe what touches his heart, and act pursuing true justice. I know. I’ll go polish the sword.”
“One more. You must not doubt the lord’s sincerity. What you should believe is not the false rumors spread by others, but the lord.”
At my words, Fel nods with a sulky face. I pretended not to notice that and went out to the training ground.
