Episode 8
The pale sunset light was lightly rippling in the tea inside the teacup. A sweet fragrance tickles the tip of the nose. As I took a sip of tea into my mouth, a surprisingly sweet and smooth taste wrapped around my tongue. It seemed like even someone who doesn’t particularly like tea could enjoy drinking it.
“Sisse, I’m sorry about earlier.”
At that time, Roena speaks to me in a small voice. She was whining like a puppy watching its owner’s mood, reacting sensitively to my expression.
“No. I’m just grateful that you sent a maid. She must have been very sad. Are you okay yourself?”
When I casually asked as if I didn’t know, Roena’s complexion suddenly darkens. She lowered her eyes with a very melancholic expression.
“Yeah. It’s nothing.”
“But your complexion still doesn’t look good? Should I send her back? Maria is a bit unreliable, but if it can make you smile, it’s fine.”
“No. I’m really okay. Above all, Cheryl is a really good maid, so she’ll take good care of you.”
“Then don’t make that expression like you’re telling me to look. I really don’t know if you’re okay.”
At my words, Roena’s face turns bright red.
“Expression?”
“The regretful face that says you have lingering feelings. That’s what you have now. It makes the other person worry.”
Unless she looked in the mirror, she wouldn’t know what her face looks like. But since the other person insists so, she has no choice but to think that way.
Mother’s action of looking at us with a bewildered expression was additional.
Roena raised her hand and touched her own cheek. And she tried to smile awkwardly. I added a word as if praising her appearance.
“Yes, smile brightly like that. Even to prove the sincerity of your words.”
Probably, there won’t be a situation that feels more ridiculous than this.
In fact, a smile has a greater power than a hundred words. It is softer than water and sharper than a sword. It is even harder than a shield and firmer than a castle.
It also contains more stories than the pen a writer wields, and has more spirit than tens of thousands of armies. Above all, all spears and malice aimed at the opponent can be hidden in this one action. So, ah, what a terrifying and ecstatic weapon it is!
In the past, I didn’t know how great a weapon ‘smile’ could be. I just reacted with joy and sorrow to each of Roena’s actions and fully revealed my hatred toward her. Without knowing that it would instead become a monster that devours me.
Yes, I admit it. The past me was a child. Such a foolish one who couldn’t control her anger and self-destructed.
I prided myself on having talent comparable to Roena and was confident I could beat her, but in reality, I was a fool who couldn’t even reach her tail.
What’s the use of accumulating knowledge as much as others? My behavior was exactly like a frog in a well. Like a country bumpkin, clumsy and naive, yet thinking that the shallow world judged by my own gaze was everything, such a stupid woman.
That’s why I didn’t know. The smiles that the young ladies of noble families shed toward me! The meaning of the fans they gently fanned! The true intent of the words flowing from their fine lips! Even how much malice and mockery all the situations and words given to me contained.
I was just triumphant as if I had become a member of that world, rampaging without knowing my place. I couldn’t hide my joyful face, thinking the smiles they gave were signs of welcome.
Truly foolish. Stupid. Idiotic. The fool who fully exposed herself to beasts wearing sheep’s clothing danced the dance of self-destruction on a slowly heating griddle.
Burning her own body to give others a big laugh. So haha, what a funny thing!
It was the limit of narrow vision. Because I had eyes stained with jealousy, it was my flaw that I couldn’t examine.
Not only tears containing goodwill are windows, but I didn’t know that at all. All too regrettably. But what about now that I’ve returned?
As the subtle atmosphere toward Roena continued, Mother’s complexion turns pale. Her beautiful eyes shadowed deeply were filled with worry toward me.
I know what Mother fears. You, who are so weak and delicate that even that is beautiful, are anxious that I might fall out of stepfather’s favor.
What Viscount Wischwaltz loves is Mother, not the human Sisse. That’s why she’s anxious that the rude words I uttered earlier might reach his ears through the maids’ mouths. Isn’t it natural for arms to bend inward?
But Mother, do you know that the passion named love sometimes surpasses the affection of blood kin?
In the past, stepfather was amazingly loyal to Mother until his death. He always tried hard to match Mother’s mood, who is so fragile that her emotions fluctuate greatly.
Sometimes he was so enthusiastic that he overlooked my attitude of rampaging here and there like a sun-struck colt. So, what reason do I have to fear? Knowing that he won’t punish me for words like this!
The stepfather blinded by love would surely dismiss it lightly as me not having abandoned my past habits yet. So, there was no reason to shrink.
But Mother still seems uneasy about all this. That’s why she’s saying this to me.
“Sisse.”
“Yes, go ahead.”
“Now that you’ve become a member of the viscount family, you need to be cautious with every word you utter.”
Although she lost the noble title of baroness by the previous generation, Mother had learned etiquette close to a crude level due to her mother, that is, grandmother.
Compared to other noble ladies, the level would be much lower, but it wasn’t to the extent that she couldn’t adapt to this world at all. Being able to meet stepfather and promise marriage was greatly helped by the cute, clumsy etiquette she learned in the past.
Because of this, having somehow stepped into the social world, she must have glimpsed the beautiful yet cruel underside of that world. Since the thing to be most careful of there is the ‘tongue’, she was worried about my tone as I would soon debut.
“I’m sorry. Mother’s words are right. Roena, if by any chance it offended you, I hope you understand.”
“No, it wasn’t like that at all.”
I reached out and grabbed Roena’s hand. Interlacing my fingers with her long ones, I tried not to lose the smile that rose on my lips.
“Thank you so much for understanding.”
“No. It’s me who should.”
“Even if I make mistakes in the future, can you keep understanding? I’m still clumsy in everything compared to you.”
“Yeah?”
“Is it a difficult request?”
“Ah, no. It’s not. Oh, yes. Of course.”
I was very satisfied with her words. Even while feeling the strangeness, her action of not being able to properly refuse in front of others looked ridiculously ugly. It was to the point of feeling thirst from the joy.
At the same time, I was curious. When she realizes that her greatest weapon is actually the ‘evil’ that will self-destruct her, what expression will she make?
***
The malice continuing from the past was eroding my body, falling into endless darkness. The vicious killing intent toward Roena wraps around the personality called Sisse and manipulates it. It feels like becoming a marionette tied to strings.
That said, this situation didn’t feel bad. What others would detest and fear was like nectar to me.
Yes, if I’m going to fall anyway, I’ll go to the bottom of hell. Having returned from death, what is there to fear? I am a foolish soul intoxicated by the sweetness of defeating Roena, of dragging her down to the bottom I tasted. A fool whose eyes are blinded and ears closed.
But so what. If I can see her distorted face, I could sell my soul to the devil.
So, the ‘someone’ who returned me to ‘now’ should beat the ground and regret. What’s repentance anyway. Don’t make me laugh? I don’t need such weak feelings. I’m still Sis Bishuvaltz, struggling with inferiority toward Roena!
Mother tilted her head at my subtly twisted words but made an expression as if she couldn’t find anything particular to point out.
That’s why she’s just saying ‘Don’t make Roena too uncomfortable’. I nodded and deliberately answered energetically.
“Of course. We’re sisters.”
At my words, Roena blushes. A soft peach color gently spreads on her plump white cheeks. The shyly lowered eyelashes were long enough to elicit admiration. She really smiles like an angel. Damn it.
“But don’t make me too uncomfortable.”
“That’s a hard promise to make. But I’ll promise to try. Even if it takes a very long time to show the same appearance as you.”
“No, it won’t take that long? Because it was like that for me. So I think it’ll be the same for Sisse.”
Yes. What could be difficult for you who comprehends ten when learning one? With innate talent as the foundation, everything must look easy. So, how should I express this ‘arrogance’?
“Well? Don’t think that everyone has the same talent as you. It makes me a bit upset. Ah, I wish I were you instead. Then I could master it easily without effort…….”
So, let’s start slowly now. The enjoyable concerto of one who realizes her shortcomings and desperately strives, and one who believes in innate talent and doesn’t strive.
In fact, I’m a person as kind and gentle as anyone. I know how to speak kindly to others, and I’m a woman who can willingly show goodwill to those in need. No, I thought I could. Until I was twisted by one existence.
Yes, all this is because of the girl smiling in front of me now, Roena Wischwaltz. It’s because of you who rolls your eyes as if nothing’s wrong. The ones receiving my malice are only you and the maids you lead.
So, I expected. How much of a crumbling appearance she would show due to the words earlier.
However, there were no tears. No gaze due to shock or lips pale and trembling from fear, nothing was visible.
Rather, I almost screamed at her appearance shyly smiling toward me. Even though I twisted it this much, it should be enough to feel some discrepancy, but Roena was accepting even that as sincere ‘praise’. The concerto I played was the extreme of dissonance. All instruments creak and only sing ‘despair’.
“I’m embarrassed that you think so. But Sisse, I hope you don’t see yourself too lowly. If you try, won’t it work out somehow?”
I made a dazed expression. I gently lowered my eyes at the appearance of the maids looking at me and Roena. Forcibly clenching my teeth that seemed to grind so hard they would make a sound, I blushed both cheeks shyly as if I couldn’t be more embarrassed.
“Yeah. I’ll try that.”
Now, Mother’s maids were watching a ‘comedy’ of a stepsister who speaks carelessly due to clumsy etiquette but with no ‘malice’ in it at all, and a stepsister who understands her heart and generously embraces it.
Because it was packaged under the nice name of family, it’s not very funny, and thus a scene that feels very unseemly. Truly disgusting. Nauseating to the point of vomiting.
But thanks to that, I can cover future mistakes as ‘She’s still not used to this life’. In other words, until the ‘etiquette’ of the noble family reaches a certain level, I can feign ignorance like ‘I don’t know anything’ and attack her.
So, let’s be relieved. Let’s console that this is better. Otherwise, my insides would burst and I’d die first. No, rather, it’s something to be happy about. About her actions of firmly believing in me.
