Episode 5
In fact, is there any sound that makes Roena more uncomfortable than the words, “Actually, you’ve put me in a difficult position”? She had always been on the opposite side of that perspective. So, she must be desperately making excuses while being noticeably flustered.
“Misunderstanding? Who in the world would misunderstand you?”
In fact, if it were the old me, I would have been convinced that I had seized the victory with the previous answer and would have roughly cornered her.
Since she hadn’t experienced how Roena torments her opponents, that would certainly have been the case.
But considering the life I had lived as Sishe Vishubalts, continuing to talk with Roena in this situation was no different from digging my own grave and lying in it. No matter the process, the end would ultimately be in her favor. Just like always.
Especially in a state like today where Roena has many allies, even more so. Unfortunately, no one could beat her in a battle of endurance.
So, rather than trying to seize victory to the end, it’s better to hit and run at an appropriate time. It’s even better if I leave an uncomfortable lingering feeling for those remaining. Just like now.
“But Roena, everyone’s expressions haven’t been good since you started crying. Ah, is this also my misunderstanding? Since I still don’t know well, that could be. Anyway, it would be better to stop talking. It will only add to the upset feelings.”
I stood up from my seat as is and said. The voice flowing through my open mouth was trembling thinly, in contrast to the indifferent expression.
It was a silent protest that although I was acting as if nothing was wrong, I was actually suppressing upset emotions deep down.
“Excuse me, but may I leave first? Please generously understand my rudeness.”
“That…… Is there something uncomfortable?”
“No, I just feel like I should.”
My adoptive father accepted my request with an awkward expression.
I added an awkward smile while looking at Roena, who had a dazed expression, and everyone who seemed to sense the strange atmosphere and were shrugging their shoulders.
And soon, as if I couldn’t endure it, I left the dining room with quick steps. As if what happened afterward had nothing to do with me.
According to the news I heard from Mother later, after I left like that, Roena was greatly scolded by my adoptive father.
For hurting me by jumping to conclusions alone, for subtly insulting me who was unskilled in etiquette as a noble young lady, and for the rudeness of tormenting the other party with hope by mentioning ‘anything’ while not being able to keep it.
Then, since she promised to grant anything, she was ordered to send one of her maids to me.
In fact, I was very surprised at this part, but I nodded meekly without showing it. My adoptive father kept the declaration that even Roena couldn’t treat me recklessly.
This was clearly an action conscious of Mother, and it was a part where I could see how much my adoptive father’s passion for her was burning. Oh, the sweetness of newlyweds! Count Vishubalts is truly a man.
Roena was said to have stood blankly without even being able to cry because my adoptive father’s attitude of getting angry at her was unfamiliar.
I laughed silently imagining that sight. How much would that stupid girl have been scolded by my adoptive father? This incident must have really woken her up.
After bursting out of the dining room, instead of entering my room, I went into the garden made of small paths. It was because my stomach, which had become uncomfortable from dealing with Roena, felt burdensome.
How many steps had I walked like that? The sunlight was so intense that I crouched on the ground for a moment and lowered my head.
Suddenly, a shadow cast over my head, and someone thrust a handkerchief toward me. The plain cloth without any embroidery, neatly folded, was an unexpected kindness.
Is this to spread on the ground and sit?
I raised my head to look at the owner of the handkerchief. Since there shouldn’t be anyone in the mansion who has goodwill toward me yet, I was curious who would show such a beautiful heart.
However, I soon had no choice but to regret raising my head to look at the owner of the handkerchief.
“……!”
Because he was standing there. The man who had stolen my heart entirely in the past. The man who was so indifferent to me that it was even cruel! The knight who had devoted his entire heart to Roena.
Rustein Halberd! The knight of noble blue sound. You, the sword of the Wischwaltz count family.I
My heart beats fiercely. My mouth dries up, and my whole body trembles. My legs feel weak as if I might collapse.
Why? Why did you give me the handkerchief? Weren’t you the one who didn’t even give interest to any woman other than Roena! But, why to me?
Just pass by as usual. Pass by indifferently like before.
I bit my lips while tightly hiding the surging resentment. And I roughly exhaled the blocked breath and averted my gaze. The current me was a mute and a statue. I was a fool standing there blankly without being able to say anything.
Just like the past me, repeating the appearance of acting like an idiot woman in front of him without being able to say anything.
***
The old me was a girl who didn’t know well about giving up. If there was something I wanted to have or do, I tried to obtain it by any means.
I didn’t stop charging forward until it was achieved as intended, until I had what I wanted in my hands. Even if it meant falling and breaking my knees.
Mother always regarded such me with worry. While thinking my stubbornness admirable, she was restless fearing I might collapse and despair at the wall of reality.
That’s why she often endured her own hunger to diligently try to fulfill my desires.
The reason Mother married him while being misunderstood for seducing my adoptive father was to satisfy my vanity.
Because she didn’t want to pass on to me her life where, although a member of a viscount family, the previous head squandered the family fortune on gambling and had no choice but to sell the title, falling to commoner in an instant and having to take on all kinds of menial jobs.
The young me didn’t understand Mother’s heart at all. I didn’t know what insults she endured to make me a count’s young lady. No, I didn’t try to know. Because at that time, I was preoccupied with enjoying the newly opened glamorous life. I only thought of myself.
Until I burned with inferiority toward Roena, I was the happiest girl in the world. Even if they sometimes showed subtle behaviors that hurt my feelings, it was very pleasing to see the haughty maids of the count family calling me young lady and serving me, and them bowing obsequiously to my words.
It was so happy when I said I wanted a gem ring, and the next day it was on the dressing table.
Delicious food and luxurious dresses, soft and fluffy beds, sparkling jewel accessories, and handsome knights calling me ‘lady’. Everything was like a dream.
How ecstatic it was that the life only seen in fairy tale books was actually realized, it felt like walking on clouds.
So, I misunderstood. I thought my life would always be filled with rosy colors like now and I could lead a happier life than anyone.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know at all that the place I was standing was not a solid ground that could fully support my body, but over an ice sea with thin ice.
Not even how foolish and stupid I was behaving, how immature I was acting.
Ironically, the one who pulled me, who was floundering immersed in sweet dreams, back to reality was Rustein Halberd.
Because of him, I became aware of my inferiority toward Roena, and learned that others were only treating me out of duty, not loving me at all, and even mocking me behind my back.
Rustein Halberd was the first and last person I tried to have but could never have.
I still remember. The time when, believing that if I wanted, I could have everything, I begged my adoptive father to attach Rustein Halberd as my knight.
That day was truly strange. The potato salad served by the maid was dry and choked my throat, the bread was a bit hard and made my jaw hurt to the point of irritation. The knife kept slipping, causing a chunk of meat to fly to the center of the table, and just moving my arm a little made the wine glass fall, attracting everyone’s attention.
My adoptive father frowned seeing me unskilled in dining etiquette. His gaze contained strong rebuke as if saying how long has it been since entering the count family, yet I still haven’t learned dining etiquette.
But I couldn’t read his gaze because I was thinking of the beautiful knight who would come into my arms, and instead, I was even immaturely excited. And when the meal was finished, as usual, I opened my mouth and spouted words close to unreasonable.
‘Please let Sir Halberd escort me. I want to have him. Is that okay?’
Usually, just saying like this, I could have anything. My adoptive father tried to grant whatever so that I, who entered his family, wouldn’t be intimidated by Roena, and Mother also did her best so that I could be satisfied. So, I thought I could have him this time too.
However, my adoptive father, whom I believed without doubt would grant my request as usual, trailed off with a troubled expression, and Roena couldn’t lift her head with tears welling up. What poured after that were the stinging gazes of the surrounding people.
But I, who had fallen in first love, didn’t understand at all why they were making such expressions and sending such gazes.
‘Why are you making that expression? Does it mean no? Why?’
To my question, my adoptive father said.
‘Sir Halberd is Roena’s escort knight.’
‘There are many knights. So, just give Roena another knight.’
‘Sir Halberd is different from other knights. So, it would be better to choose another knight.’
‘No, I want him. It has to be him.’
My adoptive father looked at me. It was a cold gaze I saw for the first time. I trembled all over at his appearance sending a gaze close to anger.
‘Don’t act immaturely. You still seem not to realize that you are a member of the count family.’
In fact, Rustein Halberd was not just any knight. He was a genius born in the empire, a knight representing the Wischwaltz family, the sword of the count family itself.
So, someone like me, who wasn’t of my adoptive father’s bloodline, just a commoner, and still hadn’t learned social etiquette, couldn’t dare to covet him.
But I didn’t know that. How noble and honorable the knight I coveted was.
I, who had poured all my energy into luxurious living immersed in jewels and dresses during the half year after entering the count family, had no way of knowing his value. And also that because of him, the count family could soar higher!
I opened my mouth in grievance to spit out excuses. But I couldn’t say anything at the sight of my adoptive father standing up. Mother left the dining room glancing at my adoptive father without thinking of coming to me. Others were the same.
Left alone in the dining room, I hugged my shoulders with both arms at the coldness I faced for the first time. Deep anxiety assaults my whole body. The crack had already begun.
The maids of the count family didn’t tell me the value of the knight named Rustein Halberd. Even when I asked ‘Why can’t I have that person?’, they tightly closed their mouths as if they didn’t hear. As if not even worth telling.
So, I went to Roena. I went to her and asked to give him to me. Because I thought Roena, known as an angel, would easily grant my words. It was a request I could make because I didn’t know her attachment to her own things.
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By Anna 💓
