Chapter 57
“I’m sorry. I made you worry for nothing. I didn’t expect you to still be here.”
“I was waiting for the rain to let up a bit before leaving.”
“Thanks to that, I get to see your face, which is nice.”
Alferen gave a faint smile and lightly brushed her cheek.
After a long silence, he asked in a low voice.
“Doesn’t it bother you every time?”
His voice resembled the sound of parched, dry earth cracking.
Today, his face carried an especially deep melancholy, and there was a hint of hesitation in it.
He was probably agonizing over whether to stop prolonging the former duke’s life or not.
It had already been a grueling six years of caregiving.
In the first year after the duke collapsed, Alferen had visited every day like clockwork, but from last year onward, his visits had become infrequent.
‘Come to think of it, last time he waited in the main house even though he knew I was in the annex.’
I’d brushed it off lightly back then.
‘Has seeing his sleeping father’s face become too hard for him?’
An endless wait without any promise could wear down even the strongest person.
According to Eden, the stockpiled holy water was set to run out around winter.
Even that was being rationed to half his usual amount, putting a heavy strain on his body.
‘Will he end up giving up on his father like in the original story?’
With Summer’s arrival not far off, it would be a natural death unless she intervened.
But would that really be okay?
Recalling Alferen grieving bitterly over the former duke’s death in the original made my heart ache.
‘At least he should be able to say a proper goodbye.’
Even if I couldn’t save the former duke, I hoped Alferen wouldn’t be left with regrets.
Not by pretending his feelings didn’t exist while gazing at his father with such longing.
I stood beside him and said,
“Not really. Lord Daven is just like you—interesting enough to look at that I never get bored.”
“I do take after my father.”
Alferen offered a dry smile and turned his gaze away from Daven.
Looking at the woman before him, he felt an urge to open up the feelings he’d never shared with anyone.
Yeah, it’s because of the rain.
Alferen’s eyes drifted to the window.
The sound of rain pattered steadily outside, and inside the room, a pale light illuminated the three of them.
His blue eyes were calmer than ever, settled deeply.
“It was raining that day too. From the moment the victorious knights returned with grim faces, I think I sensed it. That the moment Father spoke of, when I had to become strong, might be right then.”
Six years ago, when he saw his father lying there like a corpse.
Alferen had to take on the interim headship without even time to grieve.
He sealed the contaminated ice dragon’s corpse in the magic tower and received the honors for subduing the monster in his father’s stead.
‘It’s unfortunate about the duke. I’ll lend you as much holy water as you need, so do everything you can for his recovery.’
On the surface, it seemed like the Emperor’s concern for a loyal subject, but beneath it lay political calculations.
A pretext to ensnare the young magic tower master who had ascended to dukedom at the tender age of eighteen.
He knew it was a poisoned apple, yet he couldn’t let go because of the hope that his father would come back alive.
But as the years passed, Alferen grew weary.
It wasn’t because of the rivals’ petty provocations, the Emperor’s political pressures, or the troubles from the magic tower’s wizards.
It was the distant feeling that the faint light of hope receded a step for every step he took forward.
His father’s body, which would crumble if he let go.
Death might be an inevitable natural order for him, but for those left behind, it was regret, hope, and a curse.
“If you show weakness, they bite. It didn’t matter if you were strong or weak—you had to show only strength.”
“Ren…”
“The only time I could afford to be weak was when I was with you.”
Alferen’s calloused hand brushed Rodellia’s cheek.
His gaze was sharp, like shattered glass fragments.
As if he would never let the person in front of him go.
“I’m strangely anxious.”
Afraid you’ll leave me any moment now.
Like Father, vanishing forever without even leaving regret behind.
Afraid I’ll end up chasing an ungraspable hope.
The things Alferen loved always ended up that way.
Bidding farewell without warning and disappearing abruptly.
The rain made his gloomy thoughts stir up a sticky storm in his heart.
Rodellia simply stared at Alferen quietly.
“What’s making you so anxious?”
“I just want to give it all up, but I can’t. I want to hate Father, but I can’t bring myself to.”
I like you so much, but it doesn’t seem like you feel the same.
He couldn’t voice his deepest feelings.
Alferen furrowed his brow and hung his head.
In that moment, as if she’d been waiting, Rodellia reached out, grabbed both his cheeks, and lifted his face to meet her eyes.
Only then did he see the green eyes looking at him warmly.
A steadfast gaze, like a beautiful tree in a lush meadow.
Rodellia smiled.
“That’s proof you’re alive, Brother.”
So beautifully it made his heart sting.
“…”
In that instant, the dark clouds in his mind scattered as if they’d never been there.
While she drove away all the gloom, he simply stared blankly at the fair, delicate woman before him.
“Hating today but missing tomorrow. Loving yesterday but disliking today. Humans are inherently fickle and not simple at all. That’s why even if you hate, you end up loving in the end.”
You only just realized that? Idiot.
Her whispered voice carried a playful tease.
Rodellia was always like this. Casually saying exactly what he wanted to hear, then smiling so prettily.
Ah, I really can’t hold back.
Alferen instinctively pulled her into his arms.
Thanks to their pretend lovers’ act, she no longer resisted his actions.
When she even wrapped her arms around his waist in return, Alferen truly couldn’t restrain himself.
Clutching her helplessly soft body tightly, he whispered,
“Will you stay with me tonight?”
A romantic line that lovers could say naturally.
Yet, it was the first time she’d seen a man make those words sound so pitiful.
Rodellia stared up at him blankly.
For someone who’d just dropped that bombshell request, his face showed no expectation at all.
The words burst out with resignation, as if he hadn’t hoped for an answer, heavy with deep fatigue.
Normally, she would’ve brushed it off with something like, ‘Brother, my curfew’s at nine…’
‘How can I turn him down? He looks like he’d be hurt right away.’
Anyone could see he needed comfort, and she was the only one who could provide it.
“Okay.”
As Rodellia’s agreement fell, Alferen let out the breath he’d been holding and smiled.
Unlike his tension, the answer was so sweetly unexpected.
It was obvious that the love confession he’d given her had only registered on a literal level.
“Haha, this is when you should say no, Delly.”
“I’m serious.”
“You shouldn’t say things like that lightly.”
Alferen gently released Rodellia from his embrace.
The sudden distance.
Contrary to his mature admonition, his eyes remained obsessively fixed on her, still wanting.
Seeing him regret it the moment he refused made her mutter grumpily.
“Coward.”
If he’d just pretended to give in, she would’ve stayed by his side.
Making that mature act with a face as forlorn as a rain-soaked puppy.
Gazing at his father’s face so sorrowfully.
Now so attached that the mere thought of even her leaving terrified him.
“You’re right. I’m full of fears.”
Even though she’d mustered the courage to say she’d stay, this fearful man just smiled foolishly.
He lightly pinched Rodellia’s cheek.
Treated like a little sister, she felt a bit annoyed and muttered coolly.
“One time you asked me to be your practice partner?”
“That hasn’t changed. However,”
“However?”
“…My request and your answer mean different things, so it won’t work.”
