“Of course. I’ll keep it in mind.”
“I mean it. These must not get anywhere near Kael.”
“You have my word. Now, we should start getting ready—you’ll need to depart in three hours.”
“Yes! Let me help you, Emily—it’ll be too much for you on your own!”
And so I began preparing for what would be a very long honeymoon.
* * *
Three hours later, the entire household—family and servants alike—had gathered at the front entrance of the ducal manor to see us off.
“A whole month without seeing you. I don’t know how I’ll manage…”
Katherine had hold of my hands and was sighing with great feeling. Seeing the expression on her face made my own heart sink a little.
“I’ll miss you too, truly… I’ll try to shorten the itinerary and come back as soon as I can, Mother.”
“No, no—don’t you dare. I’ve been being silly. You’re going on your honeymoon—you ought to enjoy every single moment of it, goodness knows.”
“That’s right, daughter. You don’t need to spare a thought for us. If you want something, if you want to eat something—tell Kael to get it for you. The boy has nothing to his name but his looks and his money and his titles and his influence, after all.”
When I showed no signs of being able to tear myself away, Kael placed a hand at my waist and drew me toward him.
“We’ll take our leave. We’ll see you in a month.”
“Yes, yes. Leave everything here to me—travel safely, and take good care of our daughter-in-law. Make sure she eats well!”
I was handed up into the carriage with Kael’s assistance. The moment the door closed, his parents rushed to press themselves against the window and wave us off. I waved back until they were entirely out of sight.
We arrived in the port city nearest to the Hardeion Duchy. From there, we would spend a week on a cruise ship before settling in for a month of rest at Anota Island, one of the duchy’s private holdings.
After completing the boarding formalities, Hugo came to say his goodbyes.
“Safe travels, Your Graces!”
“Thank you, Hugo! Take care of yourself! Enjoy your holiday!”
Hugo was planning to visit his hometown to coincide with Kael’s leave of absence. It seemed a perfectly sensible arrangement all around.
“Oh—my lady. Janes’s holiday request was denied. He’ll remain by your side throughout, so please don’t worry about your safety in the least.”
“W—what! Oh, the poor man! I’ll have my husband with me the whole time, so I really would have been fine—Janes deserves a holiday too.”
“The person who most vigorously opposed Janes’s holiday was none other than Head Maid Mary herself. You know how sensitive she is when it comes to your safety, my lady.”
“Oh, my… I see…”
* * *
When we were in the midst of wedding preparations, Kael had asked me where I wanted to go for our honeymoon.
In my previous life I had been a penniless orphan, and travel had been a dream entirely beyond my reach. In this life, my parents’ restrictions had kept me from venturing beyond the capital or the estate. But even so—I had my own imagined honeymoon.
‘”A—a cruise! I’ve always wanted to travel on the open sea, just floating along in all that blue—!”‘
And so Kael had arranged a full month for us.
“Kael! Look over there! The seagulls—they’re flying everywhere!”
Our accommodation for the week was a suite. Three of the four walls were windows, framing an unbroken view of sky meeting sea at the horizon. Through the rightmost window, the on-deck restaurant was partly visible, strung with dozens of yellow, orange, and green lights that blinked cheerfully as evening settled in.
I was pressed against the glass, taking everything in, when Kael came up behind me and wound his arms around my waist. He rested his chin on top of my head.
“Do you like it that much?”
“Yes! So much! Look at the sunlight on the water—do you see? It’s like someone crushed tiny stars into dust and scattered them across the surface. Isn’t it beautiful?”
The ship cut through the sea at tremendous speed. Small, rolling waves of foam crested at the bow.
“Did you see that? The wave—it just—completely broke apart! Isn’t it gorgeous!”
Kael’s quiet laughter drifted over my head. He pulled me closer.
“The weather is so perfect! Not a single cloud—the sky is so purely blue! It looks like the sea and the sky are fused into one, doesn’t it? Don’t you think?”
I pressed my fingertips to the glass, pointing out at the horizon, and turned to look up at him. I repeated it over and over—pointing and turning, pointing and turning—barely stopping to take a breath.
Kael kept his eyes on mine the whole time, folding my gesturing hands gently into his, listening.
“I suppose so. It’s beautiful.”
He held me from behind, swaying slightly. He whispered things against my ear. He kissed the curve of my ear, the soft skin of my neck.
I was so happy it felt too large to contain—a warm, expanding pressure in my chest, half-joy and half-something I couldn’t name.
“Later, when we—when our—”
I caught myself and pressed my lips shut.
The gentle stream of kisses Kael had been pressing to my forehead and hair went still.
“I—I mean—it’s such a beautiful view for children, isn’t it? The children at the poorhouse would love something like this—if they could ever—”
I pivoted as quickly as I could, but the atmosphere had already shifted—a sudden coolness settling over everything.
‘I got too excited and said it without thinking.’
The physician had told Kael that the suppressant was harmful during pregnancy, and so he had stopped taking it. Which meant he was surely hoping for a child.
‘I want a child too. Kael’s child.’
It had always been part of her dream—a warm, small family. In her previous life it went without saying, and in this one she had known loneliness keenly and often enough. She had entertained vague, pleasant ideas about it.
And then one afternoon in the library, she had found the portrait of Kael as a small child—the same face, but smaller, rounder, with the most extraordinarily endearing cheeks—and from that day on, she had begun to imagine the shape of a future child in earnest.
‘It’s not as though we’ve been… inattentive about the matter.’
He hadn’t used any contraception since the earliest days of their betrothal. Back then the thought of an accidental pregnancy had frightened her, but things were different now. He was the head of a great noble house, and succession was no small thing. Both families wanted it.
‘…Why hasn’t it happened yet.’
She let her gaze drop.
The first few months she hadn’t thought much about it. But as time passed, a quiet, unnamed pressure had begun to gather—something she couldn’t set down and couldn’t quite speak out loud.
With nowhere else to take it, she had once brought it to Emily.
‘”Emily. I have something I’d like to talk about.”‘
‘”Of course, my lady. What is it?”‘
‘”I—well. When do you think a baby might… come?”‘
‘”…”‘
‘”I just thought… maybe it should have happened by now… don’t you think?”‘
It had taken her a long time to work up to saying it out loud.
Emily had told her this:
‘”They say babies come later the more desperately you want them, my lady.”‘
‘”Is—is that true?”‘
‘”Yes. So why not try to let your mind rest? A little one who looks just like the master will find their way to you in time.”‘
That single sentence from Emily had loosened something wound tight inside her.
After that, instead of longing for it, she had made a conscious effort to stop thinking about it altogether.
‘Poke.’
“What are you thinking about.”
“What—what?”
“You’ve gone somewhere again.”
Kael’s hand traveled slowly upward, and then he cupped my chest.
“What are you—”
‘Ziiip.’ The hook of my dress slid free.
With smooth, rapid hands, Kael drew my shoulder straps down. Then he turned me to face him and pulled me close.
“Still going to think about something else?”
“I—well, this is entirely without context! Would you please just look at the scenery—!”
While I was still flailing, Kael slipped his hands under my arms and lifted me—setting me down on the windowsill in one fluid movement.
In the blink of an eye.
I thumped his shoulders in protest. He retaliated with a pinch to my chest.
“‘Ow!’ You—! The luggage isn’t even sorted yet! ‘Hh—hh!'”
* * *
