Chapter 40.
“I’m sorry.”
I frowned immediately.
“You? For what?”
“…The wedding.”
Mari moved her lips hesitantly before answering.
“You invited me, but I couldn’t go. You even gave me a beautiful dress…”
“…You said you couldn’t come.”
For a moment, my throat felt tight, and I swallowed dryly with difficulty.
“You wanted to go, but that woman stopped you?”
Mari hesitated, then nodded.
“I was thinking about it, and I decided to go… But Lady Noivan said, why ruin someone’s wedding? That it would only make Your Highness uncomfortable. That the invitation was just polite words, not sincere…”
“No, Mari.”
I hurriedly grabbed her hand and shook my head.
“I meant it. I wanted you to come to my wedding as part of my family.”
“…I know.”
Mari replied with a very faint smile.
“Lady Noivan might have been right, but since you even gave me the dress… I was going to go quietly. But then… Lady Noivan said not to draw unnecessary attention…”
“She locked you up? In the wardrobe?”
“….”
“Did that happen often?”
Instead of answering, Mari smiled awkwardly.
That smile hurt so much that I bit my lip hard. My throat felt like it might burst from the strain.
I can’t cry. That wouldn’t be like Rene.
In truth, this whole situation was.
“I’m sorry. I…”
It was futile. In the end, I stroked Mari’s cheek with a sobbing voice.
“I should have come to see you sooner.”
Even now, this small and fragile girl—how much harder must it have been for her when she was younger?
Thinking that, tears streamed endlessly. Instead, Mari, looking flustered, tried to console me with composure.
“I’m okay. Don’t cry.”
“How can you be okay? Ah, it really upsets me…”
“But you rescued me.”
Mari hesitated, then carefully took my hand. After a brief moment of thought, she smiled brightly.
“Thank you for saving me. I was really hungry earlier.”
Seeing Mari worry about me even in this situation, I looked at her with stinging eyes, then gently stroked her hand and murmured,
“I’m glad it wasn’t too late.”
Even if I hadn’t saved her, Mari was the heroine of the original story, so she would have survived unscathed in the end.
But now that I’ve seen her, held her, touched her—I could never leave this child to such complacency.
“Everything will be fine now.”
I met Mari’s eyes and promised. I was determined to make it so.
***
After putting Mari to sleep and stepping outside, Joachim was standing there with a worried expression.
He flinched at the sight of my face, then approached slowly and pulled out a handkerchief.
“May I take the liberty?”
I nodded weakly, and Joachim carefully wiped my cheek with a gentle touch.
The sticky tear stains that had made my face uncomfortable were being cleaned away under his hand.
“Lady Noivan will find it hard to escape a serious crime.”
He moved his lips without taking his eyes off my face.
“Though execution might be difficult.”
“What I want isn’t just her death.”
I replied sharply.
“She’s only ten, Duke Rommel. A child who doesn’t even reach my chest—how could she think to keep her asleep by feeding her sleeping pills? She must know how poisonous that is.”
“….”
“For the eight years she cared for Princess Mari, she deserves to endure the same. In a cramped room with no proper sunlight, eating rotten food, occasionally locked in a narrow wardrobe and beaten, taking sleeping pills with every meal—that would be fair.”
Joachim gazed at me steadily. I smiled coldly and asked,
“Why? Do you think it’s cruel?”
“Of course not. Everyone must pay the due price for their wrongs.”
Joachim shook his head with a serious expression.
“If you wish, I’ll personally petition His Majesty the Emperor.”
“I’ll say it myself.”
“Your Highness.”
Joachim immediately furrowed his brow and tried to dissuade me.
“That’s not a good idea.”
“Why?”
I asked with a dry expression.
“Are you afraid I’ll fall out of His Majesty’s favor?”
In the end, the one who entrusted Princess Mari to Lady Noivan was Emperor Otto.
So, I honestly couldn’t be sure I wouldn’t criticize the Emperor while demanding punishment for Lady Noivan.
Even if she’s illegitimate, what crime did that child commit for her own father to be so heartless?
And it seemed Joachim saw right through my thoughts.
“Rather, let me…”
“So, you won’t fall out of His Majesty’s favor?”
“…Since I’ve become your consort rather than your lawful spouse.”
Joachim continued with a faint smile on his lips.
“His Majesty will view me with some pity for a while. I’m just relying on that.”
“I don’t want you to make such a sacrifice for me. And you have no reason to.”
“Sacrifice? That’s absurd.”
Joachim let out a hollow laugh and shook his head. Yet, his hand continued to adjust my cheek with the handkerchief.
By now, my cheek was perfectly clean, and further rubbing was unnecessary, but he seemed reluctant to let go, as if regretful, and I couldn’t bring myself to be harsh with him.
“How could doing my utmost for the safety of the one I serve be a sacrifice?”
“Because I can’t give you a fitting reward for your feelings.”
I couldn’t gauge the extent or form of his emotions, trying to touch me even if just with a handkerchief rather than his fingers.
That’s why I couldn’t rashly promise to give him anything.
“I don’t understand. Why do you want to stay by my side so badly?”
Before I could continue, his gaze answered for him.
I couldn’t pick up what he had thrown; I could only stare.
“But paradoxically, because I think I understand your feelings to some extent. You’ve kept saying it’s unrequited.”
Now, I had no choice but to acknowledge it to some degree. Though I don’t know the reason, he harbors affection for me—for Rene, in a positive way.
From his attitude so far, it seems quite deep. Denying it further would be rude.
It was incomprehensible why he hadn’t immediately accepted Rene’s proposal, or why he hadn’t proposed first himself.
“I can’t give you what you want. That’s why I decline you.”
“And do you know what I want?”
“What else? Kisses, whispers of love. Things like that, right?”
As I listed what one might typically expect from a lover, he chuckled and shook his head.
“My feelings aren’t that simplistic.”
“Then what?”
“I may have desires, but they’re not the essence. Being able to remain by Your Highness’s side as your person is enough.”
His gaze was so sincere as he said this that I couldn’t even interrupt.
“Just like now. With that alone, Your Highness is giving me a fitting reward.”
“You’re satisfied with the current state?”
Even if sincere, I still couldn’t accept it. Joachim nodded firmly.
“Yes.”
“No one would believe that. I certainly…”
“Then let me prove it with time.”
Joachim interrupted me, which was rare.
“One year, three years, ten years, twenty… Even after all that time piles up, would no one believe? And if they don’t, what does it matter? As long as I’m content.”
“Ha.”
So, he has no intention of ending this endless one-sided love.
Satisfied with this sham consort relationship where we haven’t even shared our bodies once.
I couldn’t understand him at all. Honestly, even now, with his confidence, I wondered how long it would last.
“I’m telling you in advance: if you get tired and change your mind in the meantime, I won’t blame you at all. I won’t mock or ridicule you. Instead, I’ll prepare an enormous wedding gift for you.”
In any case, I don’t want him to grow old and die without starting a family, just gazing at me.
At that, Joachim laughed as if he’d heard something amusing.
“Then that gift will go into my coffin with me, Your Highness.”
