Chapter 177: Monica’s Diary
Winter, X Month, XX Day
Today, Sophie betrayed me.
She confessed that Oscar is Alex’s son and that she’s been secretly meeting him since we came to the duchy together. How could Sophie do this to me? I thought of her as a sister, trusted her completely… The pain of being betrayed by someone so dear cuts deep. She said she never saw me as a friend, that she came with me from the start with this in mind. It’s heartbreaking, and the tears won’t stop.
The emotional wound seems to have spread to my body—I’m feverish and dizzy.
Summer, X Month, XX Day
Damian came to see me today, clutching a bouquet of flowers.
My sweet boy, so worried about his frail mother who’s been sick for years. I don’t know who he takes after to be this kind. Lena, in tears, begged me to pull myself together, if not for myself then for Damian, who’s only three. She’s right. A mother can’t be this weak if she’s to protect her child.
I’ve heard that while I’ve been bedridden, Sophie’s been strutting around the duchy as if she were the duchess herself. If this continues, she might take everything—even what belongs to Damian. I can’t let that happen. For my son, I have to stand up.
Winter, XX Month, XX Day
How can someone who’s done wrong act so shamelessly?
Sophie demanded I divorce Alex. She doesn’t want her son to be a bastard, unable to call his father by name. What does that have to do with me? She betrayed me first, so I have no intention of yielding.
Don’t make me laugh, Sophie. I’ll never divorce Alex. Why should I, just to make you happy?
I’ll hold on—for Damian, I’ll endure to the end and take back everything that’s rightfully his. You and Alex will never find happiness.
Early Spring, X Month, XX Day
Damian collapsed after-Hungover from poison.
There’s nothing I can do but watch my precious boy groan in pain, his face pale as death. I feel utterly helpless.
I’m so sorry, Damian. I’m not strong enough to protect you… If I could, I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat.
My treasure, please don’t leave me.
Early Spring, X Month, XX Day
Christina left me for Sophie.
I don’t even have the energy to feel betrayed anymore—Damian still hasn’t woken up. All I can do is hold his small hand and pray.
God, please save my Damian.
Early Spring, X Month, XX Day
Sophie offered a deal: an antidote for Damian.
In exchange, I’m to return to being a living corpse, locked away in my room, doing nothing, just breathing. Then, she says, she’ll save him.
How can you be so cruel, Sophie? We were friends once, and now we’re both mothers. I’d never harm your son, no matter how much I hate you—I know too well the agony of a mother’s heart. But you… you have no such line.
Why did I trust you and come this far together? My father and brothers warned me, but I didn’t listen.
Yet I don’t regret it. If I hadn’t married Alex, I wouldn’t have Damian.
I’ll regret nothing.
Every choice was mine.
Early Spring, X Month, XX Day
Damian opened his eyes.
He thinks he’s just recovered from a bad case of the flu.
Thank goodness.
You don’t need to know anything yet, Damian.
Summer, X Month, XX Day
The maids are leaving me one by one. I suppose it’s because I’m a useless mistress.
I’ve shut myself in my room, blaming it on depression, but now I fear it might actually take hold.
I’m so, so low.
But I don’t want to die. I have to see Damian grow up.
I’m weak, but I won’t leave you.
Autumn, X Month, XX Day
I only feel alive when Damian comes to see me.
He’s my hope, my one ray of light.
But seeing such a mature child for his age brings tears to my eyes. I can see how hard he tries out there, alone, and yet I can do nothing for him.
If we endure these hardships, surely a brighter future will come for us someday?
Please, let it be so.
Winter, XX Month, XX Day
Sophie gave me tea as a gift.
The dark red leaves brewed a drink too sweet, too fragrant. I never want to taste it again, but I have no choice.
I have no say in anything anymore. Even the maid by my side belongs to Sophie now.
At least she didn’t give any to Damian. Thank God.
Is this what she wanted—to make me feel this way?
Spring, X Month, XX Day
Lately, my mind feels foggy, my body heavy.
I have nightmares every night, and my nerves are frayed.
I used to be so steady.
What’s happening to me…?
Summer, X Month, XX Day
I can feel my health slipping away.
It started after drinking Sophie’s tea.
I have to hold on until Damian grows up…
Can I make it?
“XX Month, XX Day, Late Autumn.
I heard news of my poor health, and the former Duke Vandermir came to visit.
He apologized with tears in his eyes on behalf of his son and wife.
I begged him to protect Damian. If he was truly sorry, I asked him to give everything back to Damian, at the very least.
He nodded, promising he would, and asked if there was anything else I needed. So, I requested that he leave some wealth under the name Cyan Mondor.
Cyan Mondor.
In my reckless youth, I did so much under that name.
I was truly happy then. The world felt like it belonged to me, and it was as if night would never fall, my surroundings always bathed in light.
So, even if I’m gone, I hope this name will remain to support Damian.”
“XX Month, XX Day, Winter.
Insomnia keeps me from sleeping.
Drinking tea helps me drift off a little, but I feel increasingly listless, my nerves fraying.”
“X Month, XX Day, Spring.
Sometimes, even sitting still in my room, I feel like I can’t breathe.
For no reason at all, I end up shouting and lashing out.
I can feel myself changing, bit by bit.”
“X Month, XX Day, Early Summer.
What should I do for Damian’s birthday this year?
Last year, my outburst ruined the party he was so looking forward to.
I felt so, so sorry.
But it’s not like I meant to do it, sweetheart. I don’t want to have these fits either.
I’m scared because I don’t know why this is happening to me.”
“X Month, XX Day, Summer.
Sophie has been visiting me more often lately.
She looks at my pale complexion and smiles with satisfaction.
I’m just afraid.”
“X Month, XX Day, Summer.
Today is the last day I’ll see you.
That’s what Sophie said the moment she saw my face. She also revealed the truth about the tea she gave me.
It’s made with dark magic, she said. It sharpens your nerves and subjects you to horrific mental torment.
If taken for a long time, like I have, it can even be used to brainwash you.
Only then did I understand why I’ve been so unwell. Sophie has been slowly, steadily killing me.
But now, it seems she wants to end it. My once dear friend, my sister, looked me straight in the eyes and said,
‘Monica, tomorrow night, take your own life.’
…I can’t refuse her command.”
The final entry that followed was more like a letter left for Damian. Aracila, unable to read further, closed the diary and leaned her head back.
Her lavender hair spilled down, revealing the reddened rims of her eyes.
Damian’s mother was murdered.
Damian had been heartbroken believing his mother had taken her own life. How much more pain would he feel if he learned the truth?
Aracila worried he might blame himself, and a fiery anger surged within her toward the current duke and duchess.
Beasts worse than animals.
She wanted nothing more than to storm off with the diary and expose them, but the time wasn’t right.
She had to wait for Damian’s return and let him decide, out of respect for Monica’s final letter.
My role isn’t to seek revenge on his behalf. It’s to lay the groundwork to defeat our common enemy.
Steeling her resolve, Aracila placed the diary back in the jewelry box and cast a locking spell so that no one but her could open it.
Even when it feels like your world is collapsing, the actual world keeps turning as if nothing’s changed.
The Magic Tower, where Aracila returned after her leave, was exactly as she’d left it, untouched by the upheaval in her life.
Sally and Rudy greeted her warmly, thrilled to see her after nearly three weeks.
“Senior, I missed you so much!” Sally exclaimed.
“Welcome back. I kept your workspace spotless while you were gone,” Rudy added.
“Thanks, Rudy. I missed you too, Sally.”
Aracila flashed a gentle smile. Her face seemed unchanged, though slightly gaunt, but neither Sally nor Rudy commented on it.
Eric had advised them beforehand to avoid mentioning anything about Damian in front of her.
It was wise advice. Aracila had only just managed to calm her heart and didn’t want it stirred up again.
“It’s been a while, Lady Vandermir,” Eric said softly, stepping forward from behind Sally and Rudy.
“Oh, Lord Roberts. Have you been well?”
“Of course. It’s great to see you again. Actually, I have something to discuss with you about the research.”
Eric’s warm smile eased the conversation into work matters, and Aracila gladly followed his lead.
“We found a plant with habits similar to the Dilai flower,” he said. “We’re planning to test our research findings on it. What do you think?”
“Sounds perfect.”
While Aracila had been away for the New Year’s festival and her leave, the other three had diligently continued their research.
They’d explored how to cultivate and maintain the Dilai flower to extend its lifespan.
Their efforts had yielded promising results, and now they planned to apply and refine those findings on a similar plant.
“I’ll send you weekly experiment reports,” Eric offered.
“Thank you.”
“No trouble at all. Oh, and did you know?”
“Know what?”
Aracila looked up at Eric, puzzled.
“Sally and Rudy were practically counting the days until you returned. I bet that’s why you’re back safe and sound.”
Eric spoke deliberately, each word chosen with care, his smile kind and mature. He added, “When you wait patiently and earnestly, good things tend to follow.”
“…Is that so?”
“Absolutely. It’s been true every time I’ve worked on research. Well, I’ll head off to start the experiments now.”
With that gentle, indirect comfort, Eric left.
Aracila realized her colleagues’ calm demeanor toward her was thanks to him, and she felt grateful.
And so, Aracila slipped back into her routine from before the New Year’s festival.
She chatted casually with her lab colleagues, kept regular work hours, and made sure to eat three meals a day.
To an outsider, she seemed to be steadfastly waiting for her husband’s return, showing no signs of distress.
But she had developed two new habits: obsessively checking the newspaper three times a day and pretending to sleep while secretly burning a lamp behind drawn curtains.
The former was in hopes of finding even the smallest news about Damian, who had gone to the northern battlefields. The latter was for meetings to investigate Duke Lester’s household and Frederick.
The core members of these meetings were Aracila, Colin, and Riley.
Initially, Aracila had planned to keep Riley locked away with Brady in the annex warehouse, using him only when needed.
But then,
“I don’t want money or anything else! I just want revenge for my comrades! Please, use me however you need, big sister!”
Riley had knelt before her, pleading.
He boasted about his various skills and his knack for gathering information, claiming he’d be useful.
His eyes burned with such earnest determination.
Having someone she could discreetly employ wouldn’t hurt, and given his loyalty, he didn’t seem likely to abandon Brady and run.
After some thought, Aracila decided to take Riley on as a temporary subordinate.
“Big sister, I tailed Miller, and I overheard him drunkenly bragging that he’d become the knight commander if the emperor changes!” Riley reported, his eyes gleaming.
Despite his somewhat bumbling demeanor, he was surprisingly meticulous when it came to work.
Even Colin, who had initially been skeptical of Riley’s inclusion, now grudgingly acknowledged his competence.
“So, it seems Sir Miller is cooperating with the crown prince, promised the position of knight commander,” Aracila mused.
The current knight commander, Ben Diark, wasn’t particularly old.
With no notable scandals and a solid reputation, he was unlikely to be ousted anytime soon.
Even if the emperor changed, he wasn’t the type to be pushed out.
By the time Ben Diark retired, Joseph Miller would likely be too old to take his place.
For Miller to boast so confidently, he must have received a promise from someone eager to seize the throne.
After Riley’s report, Colin followed with his own.
“There’s nothing concrete from Duke Lester’s side yet. However, they haven’t always been close with Marquis Grant’s family.”
“There must be a reason they’ve grown closer recently,” Aracila said. “Aligning with Marquis Grant means they needed the crown prince’s influence.”
The three ducal families, often called the pillars of the empire, had little need to curry favor with the imperial family.
Nor had Duke Lester’s household historically been particularly close to the crown.
There had to be a compelling reason for Frederick to join forces with them in such a risky act of rebellion. Colin nodded, promising to dig deeper.
Noticing the late hour, Aracila sent the two men on their way.
Left alone, she extinguished the lamp and approached the window, pulling back the curtain. Her face, gazing at the full moon, was troubled.
Marquis Hugo’s family was helping, and Colin and Riley were doing their best within their means, but—
It’s not enough. If only we had one more person who shares our cause.
She couldn’t shake the thought.
They needed someone of higher standing than her side. But finding such a person was no easy task.
This was a matter of confronting the crown prince and a ducal family possibly plotting treason.
Few would willingly step forward unless, like Riley, they were driven by a friend’s life being at stake, or, like Colin, they served Damian as their lord, or, like Aracila, they were family.
So, for now, Aracila hesitated to ask for help openly, determined to push forward on her own.
If they were lacking, she’d simply work harder to make up for it.
But life has a strange way of working out. Sometimes, when you least expect it, what you need comes to pass.
Or you receive help from the most unexpected person in the most unexpected place.
The one who would fill the gap Aracila felt was missing arrived on an early spring day, when green buds began to sprout on the bare branches that had shivered through the winter.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ✧: *. ꕥ .* :✧ﾟ. ───
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