More Than Coincidence, Fate (9)
At Do-hyun’s sudden, disjointed words, Jung Hee-sung turned to look at him.
Do-hyun, startled by what he himself had said, paused for a moment before hurriedly adding more words.
“I mean, if the Lump says there’s no other way. Then….”
Do-hyun fell silent for a moment.
Jung Hee-sung slowly waited for him to continue.
After calmly choosing his words, Do-hyun opened his mouth.
“The days I’ve spent after meeting hyung still feel like a dream.”
“…….”
“I didn’t know walking down the street while holding someone’s hand could be such a happy thing.”
Do-hyun looked at their joined hands and smiled softly.
Rather than answering carelessly, Jung Hee-sung chose to listen to Do-hyun’s words.
“Buying delicious food and eating it, finishing my share and then wanting someone else’s too… all of it was my first time. Watching a play, going to the movie theater, going to an amusement park. Everything.”
The eyes that seemed to be looking back on the past held a mature light that did not suit a child.
“Ah. I’ll add listening to a violin performance too.”
Do-hyun added playfully.
“Living is more fun than I thought. Would it sound funny if I said it like that?”
At Do-hyun’s words, Jung Hee-sung let out a hollow laugh.
This was the same little kid who had said not long ago that he had nothing to lose.
Since such a tiny thing said something like that, it should have been funny.
And yet his heart stung.
“It’ll be fun from now on too.”
It was something he said to Do-hyun.
And also a promise he made to himself.
Do-hyun, who had fallen silent at Jung Hee-sung’s answer, opened his mouth.
“Hyung. I’ve had enough fun.”
Jung Hee-sung frowned slightly around his eyes, as if he did not understand those words.
Even as he spoke, Do-hyun was not certain.
What if hyung gets angry?
That worry rose inside him.
Do-hyun squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them.
“So… if you don’t want to accept my soul, hyung.”
As if letting out a sigh, he poured out the words.
“Should we stop here?”
For the past few days, every single day had been new to Do-hyun.
For the first time, he learned that waiting for tomorrow could be such an exciting thing.
As the days passed, he was afraid of the time growing shorter, but he was not alone.
For the first time, he laughed loudly.
He giggled over things that were nothing special.
All of them were things Do-hyun had given up on.
That was why he decided not to be greedy anymore.
He had already enjoyed too much.
Hyung was not someone who would accept his soul.
Do-hyun had realized that more than enough during the time they had spent together.
But Do-hyun did not want to live in the world using hyung’s soul either.
If so, only one thing remained.
“Without anyone sacrificing themselves. Just this much. If we end it here….”
Do-hyun trailed off for a moment, then spoke in a clear voice.
“I think I’ll be satisfied.”
It would be a lie to say he had no regrets.
But he was sincere when he said he would be satisfied.
Jung Hee-sung did not answer.
He looked as if he had sunk into thought.
I said it.
He had thought it couldn’t be helped even if hyung got angry.
But still, he was nervous.
Do-hyun carefully watched Jung Hee-sung’s expression.
Contrary to Do-hyun’s worries, Jung Hee-sung accepted it easily.
“Okay.”
“Yes?”
“Let’s do that.”
His face did not smile, nor did it frown.
Unable to read the meaning behind that expression, Do-hyun could not find words to answer.
Then Jung Hee-sung spoke in an exaggeratedly bright voice.
“Ah, I’ve lived long enough.”
Still holding Do-hyun’s hand, Jung Hee-sung walked forward.
Do-hyun naturally followed behind him.
After walking a few more steps, Jung Hee-sung suddenly turned back.
“If a little kid like you can say you’ve lived enough, then haven’t I, at twenty-eight, lived more than enough?”
“You’re not angry?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Why?”
“Back then, you said there was no need for you to live because you had nothing to lose.”
Do-hyun’s mouth closed.
“But the you right now is saying that living is so fun that you can be satisfied and end it here.”
Then that’s enough.
After saying that, Jung Hee-sung raised the corners of his mouth and smiled cheerfully.
It was a smile so bright it made Do-hyun feel like crying.
The day the Lump was supposed to come arrived.
Do-hyun and Jung Hee-sung did not go outside and spent a peaceful day in the hospital room.
They played Do-hyun’s game together, and Do-hyun listened to Jung Hee-sung’s performances.
When they grew tired, they peeled fruit and ate it, or sprawled lazily across the bed and rested.
Like that, the sun that had been floating high in the sky slowly slid downward, and red light settled over the hospital room.
Do-hyun, who had seemed to be nodding off, at some point fell asleep, his head dropping softly onto Jung Hee-sung’s shoulder.
“Kid.”
Hyung’s voice sounded faintly from far away.
“Kid. Wake up.”
“Mm…. Hyung?”
Do-hyun forced away the drowsiness and opened his eyes.
“When did I fall asleep…. What about the Lump?”
Still half-asleep, Do-hyun blinked several times.
“Right in front of us.”
Do-hyun’s eyes snapped open.
Only after widening his eyes did he finally see the Lump wavering in front of them.
“W-when did you come?”
“Just now. That’s why I woke you up right away.”
At those words, Do-hyun wanted to bite his tongue a little.
Of all days, today.
The day the Lump said it would come.
And he had fallen asleep without thinking.
Was I always this careless?
Blaming his foolish self, Do-hyun completely shook off the sleepiness.
Do-hyun looked at Jung Hee-sung.
“Did you ask what we decided to ask?”
“No, not yet.”
Do-hyun took a deep breath.
He tried to calm himself, but his voice trembled finely.
“Um, Mr. Lump. Is there really no way for both of us to live?”
Do-hyun’s face as he looked at the Lump was desperate.
He had said he would be satisfied with this much, but there was no way he had no lingering attachment.
If he could live,
If he could live together with hyung.
Do-hyun held a little hope.
But.
【Unfortunately, that is impossible. Either one lives, or both die.】
The answer that came immediately was firm.
Do-hyun closed his eyes for a long moment, then opened them and forcibly pulled up the corners of his mouth.
If I look sad, hyung will be sad too.
He did not want that.
Do-hyun tried hard to pretend he was fine.
I want to live.
There were still many things he had not tried, and many things he wanted to try.
Greed kept rising inside him.
But because Do-hyun had found something more important than life, he could speak with a smile.
“Then we’ll just live for the time we’re given and end it that way.”
After saying that, Do-hyun turned to look at Jung Hee-sung.
Facing Do-hyun, Jung Hee-sung nodded.
Do-hyun looked back at the Lump.
“Only one of us won’t die. So you don’t have to help us.”
Jung Hee-sung’s eyes sank darkly, but Do-hyun, who was looking at the Lump, did not notice.
Only the Lump saw his expression.
【You won’t regret it? Even if you cry and scream later, you won’t be able to turn this back then.】
“Yes.”
As if making a vow to himself, Do-hyun said,
“I won’t regret it.”
【For a soul to be freed from the body means the death of existence. What used to be your soul will lose all memories, all meaning, all value, and simply drift around. Do you even know what that means?】
“No, I don’t. But even if I knew, my choice wouldn’t change.”
【What a reckless human.】
The Lump wavered.
Even after hearing the Lump’s words, Do-hyun’s resolve remained firm.
The Lump let out a long, obvious sigh.
【I am an “Adjuster.” If you do not want it, I cannot touch you carelessly. So I will follow your choice, but…. I hope you do not regret it later.】
After saying that, the Lump seemed to swell in size, then disappeared into the air in an instant.
Do-hyun, who had been tense all over, leaned back against the bed and sighed.
It’s a relief it left more easily than I expected.
Not knowing anything, Do-hyun felt relieved as he thought that.
When he turned his head, he felt a little flustered to see Jung Hee-sung looking at him with a serious face.
“Kid, no, Do-hyun.”
“Yes.”
“Do you remember what the Lump said last time?”
“What the Lump said?”
Do-hyun’s head tilted slightly.
“That I only have about a month, or maybe three weeks, left. I’ll go before you.”
Do-hyun’s expression stiffened.
Do-hyun also knew that choosing not to sacrifice anyone meant death.
But knowing it and truly feeling it were different things.
Three weeks was far too short.
Do-hyun’s resolve wavered.
“Hyung, even now….”
“You said you wouldn’t regret it. Right?”
“…Yes.”
Do-hyun forced out a voice that would not come properly.
Seeing him like that with a sorrowful face, Jung Hee-sung revealed a piece of his true heart.
I probably won’t be forgiven.
Even so, before he lost the chance forever, he wanted to say it.
“I’m sorry.”
At the sudden apology, Do-hyun lifted his head sharply.
“Why are you apologizing, hyung?”
“I didn’t want to become a pathetic hyung who gives you loss. But I think I’m being a pathetic hyung right now.”
“Hyung.”
“It’ll hurt. It’ll be painful. You’ll be so lonely and sad that you’ll want to die.”
“…….”
“And you’ll resent me.”
“No!”
Do-hyun denied it urgently.
“How could I ever resent you, hyung? Don’t say something like that!”
At Do-hyun’s words, Jung Hee-sung smiled.
For some strange reason, that face looked lonely, and Do-hyun grew uneasy.
“Do-hyun, let’s make just one promise.”
At Jung Hee-sung’s atmosphere, which seemed as if he might disappear at any moment, Do-hyun nodded without hesitation.
If he did not, he had the strange feeling that Hee-sung might crumble apart.
“Fill the rest of the life given to you until the very end before you come.”
“Hyung! Without you, I….”
“Tsk!”
Jung Hee-sung made a stern expression.
“If you don’t live it all and come, I won’t even look at you.”
“Hyung!”
“I won’t even let you call me hyung.”
At that playful tone, just like the first day they met in front of the hospital room, Do-hyun became speechless.
“So live all of the life given to you before you come. Got it? And you can’t just live either. Do your very best to live happily.”
I can’t do that.
I don’t have the strength for that.
He wanted to say that, but hyung’s face, voice, and tone were so gentle and warm that Do-hyun did not want to disappoint him.
“You’re promising hyung. Got it?”
“…Yes. I promise.”
After Jung Hee-sung hooked his finger around Do-hyun’s small pinky and completed the promise, he finally smiled brightly.
After that, they spent time as usual, laughing and chatting, and listening to Jung Hee-sung’s performance.
But something kept bothering Do-hyun.
Do-hyun lingered, not wanting to leave Jung Hee-sung’s hospital room today more than usual.
Jung Hee-sung patted Do-hyun’s back several times and chased him out.
Seeing Do-hyun turn the doorknob, Jung Hee-sung smiled and waved his hand.
Standing in front of the door, Do-hyun hesitated before opening his mouth.
“Hyung, we’re seeing each other tomorrow too, right?”
“Of course. Were you planning not to see me?”
At Jung Hee-sung’s natural reply, Do-hyun pressed down his uneasiness a little.
Just as he was about to leave the hospital room, he heard a small voice calling,
“Do-hyun.”
Do-hyun looked back.
Jung Hee-sung was looking at him and smiling.
Strangely, that smile looked faint.
“Sleep well. Have a good dream. Tomorrow, the day after, and from now on too, every day will be a happy day.”
Do-hyun understood those words as an extension of the conversation they had shared earlier.
At the ticklish words, Do-hyun’s ears turned slightly red as if he were embarrassed, and he answered in a small voice.
“You too, hyung. From now on, only happy days will come for you too.”
“…Yeah.”
Embarrassed, Do-hyun hurriedly left the hospital room after saying good night.
Jung Hee-sung’s gaze turned toward the closed door.
He murmured softly.
“I lied again.”
Because the moment Do-hyun had fallen asleep, the Lump had appeared before Jung Hee-sung’s eyes.
A little while earlier.
As Jung Hee-sung steadied Do-hyun, who had suddenly fallen asleep, he stared at the air distorting before his eyes.
Without any sign of surprise, Jung Hee-sung spoke calmly.
“You put him to sleep?”
【Well, yes. It would be a little troublesome if he were awake.】
Jung Hee-sung swept back Do-hyun’s hair as he slept deeply.
It was a careful movement, as if he were handling something extremely precious.
【So. Do you have no intention of changing your mind?】
Jung Hee-sung looked at the Lump with sunken eyes.
“Change my mind and extend my life using the kid’s life?”
【Isn’t it the same for the small human? When he wakes up, he may resent you.】
“I don’t want to be hated by the kid.”
The sleeping face looked young.
He poked Do-hyun’s cheek with his finger for no reason, then lowered his finger when Do-hyun frowned with his eyes still closed.
“But isn’t enduring things you don’t like what makes someone an adult?”
【From what I’ve seen, the small human and you are both still very young.】
“You’re not human.”
【The human is discriminating against a lump!】
The Lump exaggeratedly complained.
Ignoring the Lump, Jung Hee-sung continued.
“But can you delay it just a little? Taking the soul.”
【Hmm. I have stopped the time of your soul right now, but once time starts flowing again, it will collapse rapidly. It is better for the small human if it is done while the soul is as intact as possible.】
“No. I’m not asking you to delay it like that. I’m just saying, not right now. Come back in a few hours and take it then.”
【Why?】
Jung Hee-sung looked at the Lump with disbelief.
“Before, you read all my thoughts, so why have you been acting like you know nothing since earlier?”
The Lump shrugged its nonexistent shoulders.
【I heard your name. Thoughts of a being whose name I have heard do not flow into me.】
“What? What kind of logic is that?”
【You are curious about many things. Even if I explained it, it would be difficult to understand with human concepts. Just tell me why you’re making such a request.】
Jung Hee-sung looked at the Lump with slightly displeased eyes before opening his mouth.
“First, I have to take the kid back to his hospital room. If he opens his eyes and there’s a corpse beside him, how scared would he be? He probably wouldn’t forget it for the rest of his life. I don’t want to give him such a terrible memory.”
After a short silence, the Lump spoke.
【Is it because your souls match so well? Until the very end, you only think about the small human.】
“Our souls match?”
【I mean your soul and the small human’s soul. They are astonishingly compatible. You resemble a sunset burning so splendidly it is almost violent. On the other hand, the small human is like a cold and dynamic sea, or a quiet and vast sky.】
At those words, Jung Hee-sung looked at the sleeping Do-hyun.
That somehow sounds fitting.
As Jung Hee-sung thought that, the Lump continued.
【Actually, although I said they match, they are also properties that would normally be hard to match. But the small human was born with a massive soul, so he has a vessel large enough to hold the intense sunset. Because the size of his soul is so great, his body also began collapsing far too early, though. Anyway, mixing souls in the first place would have been impossible if your souls did not match. Souls that match that well are truly rare. It is an incredible coincidence!】
For some reason, the Lump’s last words seemed to lodge sharply in his ear.
“Well, I thought that at first too.”
Unlike usual, Jung Hee-sung smiled with endless softness.
“But the kid, no, Do-hyun and I seem more like fate than coincidence.”
【You say something quite sentimental.】
“Maybe it’s because I’m about to die?”
Jung Hee-sung said it as if making a light joke.
But the Lump felt the emotion contained within it.
Though it did not understand why it was becoming so tolerant toward this human, it opened its mouth.
【Still…. You might be right. In the world, strange things like you sometimes happen. Something created by unrepeated coincidences overlapping with more coincidences. A flow that follows the natural order while going against it. That is called fate.】
Jung Hee-sung smiled as if amused.
“I felt it a little last time too, but you’re unexpectedly kind.”
The Lump paused for a moment, then trembled.
【Nonsense! It’s only because there’s no need to be spiteful toward a poor soul placed in a situation ordinary life should never have to experience!】
“Sure, sure. Let’s say that.”
【Your tone is arrogant!】
Ignoring the trembling Lump, Jung Hee-sung turned his gaze toward the window.
During that time, the sun was slowly setting further.
The final time left to him was growing shorter.
“And there’s something I want to do one last time too.”
【What are you planning to do?】
“Later. For now, I’ll be back.”
Jung Hee-sung stood up with Do-hyun held in his arms.
As he walked down the hallway with the sleeping child in his arms, the hallway felt far too short.
He reached Do-hyun’s hospital room far too quickly.
Swallowing his regret, Jung Hee-sung opened the hospital room door.
Then he laid the child down on the bed.
He carefully covered him with the blanket and, lastly, looked at his peacefully sleeping face.
Once his soul becomes complete, he’ll become healthy, right?
He would gain more weight than now, his complexion would return, and he would grow taller.
Then he would be terribly lovable.
It was a pity he would not be able to see that, but Jung Hee-sung turned away.
Because the more he thought about it, the more regretful he would become.
“Goodbye.”
Before the hospital room door closed, he left behind a tiny farewell, so quiet it could barely be heard.
