Chapter 148. I’m Sorry…… I’ll Apologize
She thought everything was over.
The moment she realized she could never return to those happy days again, her will to live collapsed along with it.
Every morning, opening her eyes, breathing, and putting something into her mouth to eat—
All of it felt bothersome and exhausting.
She simply lay there doing nothing, desperately waiting and waiting for all of this to end as soon as possible.
But it took a full month and a half for her to realize that even that would not happen according to her wishes.
Perhaps it was comforting that there was someone who took care of her every single day without minding the trouble.
Yes, let’s live……
No matter how difficult and overwhelming every moment may be, let’s smile again, eat again, sleep again—
Let’s try living once more.
After spending an entire month and a half like a half-dead corpse, she finally managed to gather her resolve.
After that, as just as much time passed again, she thought she was doing somewhat better now.
Even though there were still countless nights when she tossed and turned in the darkness, unable to sleep.
Even though her heart still felt as though it were being torn apart whenever that face came to mind.
She still thought she was better than before.
No, she thought she was getting better.
But she realized today that all of that had been meaningless nonsense.
The realization came this afternoon, when she heard the news of the man’s engagement.
They said he was engaged.
Engaged to the daughter of the Constant Marquess family……
The voices of Roderick and Lea did not enter her mind at all.
Only that one fact kept spinning endlessly inside her head.
Her breathing became ragged.
A crushing pain tightened around her chest.
Soon, her consciousness faded away.
And she had only opened her eyes again an hour ago.
—You heard the news, didn’t you? That man’s engagement. Raymond von Cheister’s.
A topic that had never once been brought up in front of her since the first day she arrived here.
Sharp words poured from the mouth of someone who had never spoken of anything that might remind her of Raymond von Cheister.
Only then did she finally realize it.
She had not let go of anything.
She had not escaped that time even a little.
She had been waiting.
Waiting for someone who would open that door and come looking for her, just as before.
That was why she had endured so stubbornly even when she wanted to let go of everything.
That was why she had not been able to leave Jade’s estate despite knowing full well that she was a burden.
—We’ll wake up together every morning, and fall asleep together every night.
—I’ll never leave you and marry someone else. I’ve already made up my mind.
Those were the words the man had said to her when she said she could not go with him.
The words he had spoken right here while holding her in his arms.
Yet now he was getting married.
To another woman instead of her.
—That whore deliberately approached the Duke from the very beginning and played with him.
“……”
She should have said it was not true.
Back then.
Instead of keeping silent at those cold words ordering her not to say a single thing, she should have denied it.
Even if it meant being killed on the spot.
She should have said at least that much.
“……”
At that moment, the face buried in the bedsheets slowly lifted.
Her face was a complete mess.
Those golden eyes, damp with tears, wandered aimlessly through the air.
Her drifting gaze, as though lost in thought, suddenly stopped at one point.
At that moment, Deborah lowered her feet from the bed.
Bang—!
And soon, the loud sound of the bedroom door opening and closing echoed through the room.
☆☆☆
Upon entering, Kyle first lit the lamp.
Fizz—
Along with the sound of the wick catching fire, a gentle glow gradually spread throughout the dim room.
In the middle of it sat a man without the slightest movement.
After confirming his presence, Kyle slowly approached him.
“Master.”
Even at the quiet call, Jade showed no reaction.
As though he had expected that response, Kyle calmly continued.
“Shall I have dinner prepared in the kitchen?”
He was not really asking because of the meal.
Realizing the intention behind the question, Jade finally raised the head he had been keeping lowered.
Letting out a long sigh, he slowly shook his head.
“No, later…… Please do it later.”
“Yes, I understand.”
As Kyle nodded, Jade’s gaze turned toward him.
“……What time is it now?”
“It is not quite seven o’clock yet.”
Since Kyle had come to inform him of the time, he had already guessed roughly how late it was.
Yet realizing it was much later than expected made his brows knit together instantly.
Unable to suppress his emotions for a moment, he had ultimately crossed the line.
Even though he knew perfectly well how shocked she was.
Even though he knew exactly what she was going through.
In a moment of anger, he had scratched at every wound she had.
He was angry at the carelessness of the man who shook someone that was only just beginning to live again.
But he was also unbearably angry at the foolishness of the woman who had lost consciousness and collapsed because of a man like that.
Still……
He should not have done that.
A person with nowhere to lean.
That pitiful person who had only just started smiling again.
He should not have cornered her like that, as though blaming her.
Just as he clenched his jaw tightly in silence under the weight of his guilt—
Whoooosh—.
A tremendous sound pierced his ears.
Jade’s gaze slowly shifted somewhere.
The place where it stopped was the view beyond the window.
Looking at the rain pouring down beyond the darkness outside, one of Jade’s eyebrows twitched.
“Is it…… raining?”
As he asked to confirm, Kyle also lifted his head and looked toward the window.
After staring at the rain beating fiercely against the glass for a while, Kyle murmured in wonder.
“Yes, it’s raining.”
“Matilda was making a fuss since this morning, so I thought perhaps……”
Matilda, who worked in the kitchen, was a woman who always caused a commotion throughout the estate before it rained, claiming that her knees were aching.
Since the weather had been clear all day, everyone had laughed and said there were days when Matilda’s knees were unreliable.
Yet now that it was actually raining, it was rather astonishing.
However, as though he had not heard a single word Kyle said, Jade brought up something entirely different.
“What is Deborah…… doing?”
“Hmm…… She appeared to be asleep, so I did not wake her intentionally.”
“……”
Jade vaguely understood why Kyle had hesitated before answering.
Even until the moment he closed the door and left, she had been sobbing so desperately.
She had probably continued crying for a long time afterward as well.
The thought of her eventually falling asleep from exhaustion made his chest ache.
Letting out a long sigh, Jade finally rose from his seat.
“Please prepare dinner.”
“Yes. I will have it prepared immediately.”
Just before taking another step, Jade added briefly.
“Please prepare one for Deborah as well.”
At those words, Kyle slightly raised the head he had lowered, looking somewhat surprised.
Watching his master stride out of the bedroom, a faint smile appeared on his face.
However, only a few minutes later, that smile vanished without a trace.
☆☆☆
Knock. Knock.
How many times had it been already?
This time, he knocked a little harder.
Yet there was still no response from inside.
Had she cried herself to sleep?
Or was the sound drowned out by the pouring rain?
After considering various possibilities, Jade hesitated for a moment.
He could not enter a lady’s room without permission.
But neither could he leave someone who had eaten nothing all day to sleep like this.
After struggling with the decision for quite a while, Jade finally raised his hand and knocked once more.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
This time, it was loud enough to cut through even the heavy rainfall.
“……Um, Deborah.”
He called out clearly and loudly.
Yet silence was all that returned.
At this point, it felt as though she was awake but simply keeping her mouth shut because she did not even want to see him.
Taking a deep breath, Jade slowly continued speaking.
“Earlier…… I got carried away for a moment…… So I said things I had no right to say.”
His quiet monologue echoed through the silent hallway.
“I just…… didn’t want Deborah to cry anymore.”
“You had only just started smiling again, and I was afraid you would return to the way things were before……”
As he spoke, Jade’s hand tightened around the doorknob.
“……That’s why I did it.”
“But…… I know I said things that went too far.”
“No, things I had no right to say.”
“I’m sorry…… I’ll apologize.”
After conveying his sincere feelings for quite a while.
What returned was silence once again.
Only then did Jade realize that something was wrong.
This was not simply someone sleeping.
Nor was it someone deliberately remaining silent.
It felt like……
Like speaking to an empty place where no one existed.
Jade twisted the doorknob and yanked the door open.
The moment he strode inside.
What entered his sight was an empty bed visible within the dark room.
Thump—! Thump—!
Jade’s heart began pounding like mad.
☆▪︎▪︎▪︎☆
