Chapter 112. Even just looking at you feels like such a waste
All throughout walking while holding hands, the pouring gazes were more than just a few.
At the rigidly stiffened aura of their master once, then at Deborah following behind him once, and again at the hands clasped below—and everyone showed the exact same reaction.
Shock, astonishment, curious stares.
The moment he approached, they would hurriedly bow at the waist in surprise, yet their gazes lingered for a long time at the joined hands.
Normally, by this point—or rather, long before things reached this stage—she would have already asked him to let go.
But the reason she did not was, on one hand, because of that very thought.
Now that everything had already been exposed, what was the use of doing so at this point?
Before leaving the smoking room, she had seen the faces of the ducal grand duchess and the young lady of Cheister among the group at the entrance.
Faces turned deathly pale, as if they had witnessed something unbelievable.
The moment she recalled those faces, her heart sank heavily.
Now everything had truly come to light.
The moment she had so desperately hoped would never arrive, the moment she had feared.
Even if she tried not to, her mind kept repeatedly conjuring only the most negative scenarios.
The situation where everyone would point fingers at her and she would ultimately be driven out of Elfen Green.
The situation where she would be summoned by the ducal grand duchess and the young lady of Cheister and subjected to harsh condemnation.
And then, the man—tired of such a situation—finally turning his back on her……
“…….”
Just imagining the coldly turning face of the man made her heart feel as though it were freezing solid.
Deborah immediately shook her head vigorously as if to erase that ominous imagination.
While lost in such various thoughts and walking, before she knew it, they had arrived at his intended destination.
His bedroom.
Perhaps because she had expected as much, Deborah said nothing.
Once the bedroom door closed, he led Deborah toward the bed.
After seating Deborah on the bed, he sat down beside her and once again examined her face.
His gaze, as it sequentially took in the now swollen cheek and the burst lip, soon turned fierce.
At the sight of the man like that, Deborah hesitated for a long while before finally speaking cautiously.
“……I’m sorry.”
At the low voice that fell, his blue gaze settled on Deborah’s face.
“What do you mean by that.”
“……Because of me today—”
After uttering those words, she was momentarily speechless.
How many times had this been already?
Moreover, he had deliberately told her not to come out of the attic even for a single day today because he feared something like this might happen—and yet she had broken that and done something so foolish again.
What on earth could she possibly say in front of him?
The thought that she did not even deserve to apologize made Deborah’s head slowly drop downward.
A moment later, the man’s large hand gently lifted her chin.
“Why did you go there.”
“…….”
“I told you not to come out today.”
He had. Even if it was stifling, just endure it for one day.
Because the Count and Countess Lyster were coming as guests, so let us avoid any unseemly incidents.
Last night, while holding her in his arms and gently stroking her hair, he had spoken so tenderly—how could she forget?
Though she felt ashamed, precisely because of that, she had to explain every circumstance properly to him at least.
“Someone…… came looking for me.”
“Came looking? Who.”
“Madam Charlotte said someone was looking for me…… and told me to go to the smoking room.”
At those quietly flowing words, Raymond’s brow furrowed slightly.
“Who was it.”
“I don’t really know who…… I only remember seeing the face in passing.”
“If you saw them in passing, that means they’re a servant working here?”
At the immediate question, Deborah nodded.
“……Probably a housemaid.”
It was not certain just from the clothing, but something remaining in her memory told her so.
“Would you recognize them if you saw them again?”
If she saw them again—
Deborah briefly recalled in her mind the face that had stood in front of the attic door not long ago.
Even now it was so vivid; if she saw it again, she would definitely recognize it.
With a confident expression, Deborah nodded.
“Yes, I would know.”
The man, who had been quietly pondering something for a moment, lifted his head again and looked at Deborah.
Then he reached out and pulled her body into his embrace.
“Until we find out what happened, just wait a little.”
“…….”
The low, resonant voice.
Did the man know? That just being held in his arms like this made all those horrible memories from earlier melt away like spring snow.
Deborah raised her hand and wrapped her arms around the back of the man who was embracing her.
The pleasant scent that immediately pierced her nose was enough to make her eyes gently close.
“It upsets me.”
At the sigh-like voice that softly reached her ear, Deborah asked back.
“What does?”
“That you keep coming back after getting beaten like this every time.”
At that blunt expression, a short laugh unconsciously slipped out of her.
Of course, every time it happened, she too—as a human being—felt wronged and angry.
It was only after realizing that enduring was the best option that she had learned how to swallow her emotions; that did not mean the emotions had truly disappeared.
Rather, the unresolved knots of emotion inside her had hardened and piled up until she sometimes feared they might simply crumble away at any moment.
Still, in this moment right now, the fact that the man was not blaming her but simply holding her was enough to bring comfort.
So she had been about to say that she was fine, that he should not feel upset.
If not for the sound that followed immediately after—
“Even just looking at you like this feels like such a waste.”
“…….”
Tap, tap. The words spoken while gently patting her embraced back.
What on earth could she call the emotion she felt the moment she heard those words?
Moment by moment—the man’s actions that strode so unexpectedly into situations she had never anticipated made her heart ache and throb with an almost painful tenderness.
It felt like she should be purely happy and joyful…… yet the more so, the more an inexplicable anxiety settled in one corner of her heart.
She could not pinpoint exactly why.
But she did know what occupied one edge of that anxiety.
Right now—the precarious, flickering relationship between the two of them, like a candle flame shaking in the wind.
Something she had momentarily forgotten while immersed in the man’s sweet comfort rose in her mind.
Deborah slowly lifted her head and looked up at the man’s face.
“Now…… what do we do?”
“What do you mean.”
The casually tossed reply, the tone so utterly nonchalant it was as though she were the only one worrying.
After hesitating, a sigh-like word flowed from Deborah’s lips.
“You already know everything……. The grand duchess, and Miss Cecilia too…… now that everyone knows, surely…….”
She could not bring herself to finish the sentence.
It was something she did not even need to wait until tomorrow to know.
The proud, brilliant son of the shining Cheister family could not possibly look kindly upon a lowly maid by his side.
Moreover, with marriage talks ongoing with the marquessate, Deborah would surely appear even more like a thorn in their eyes.
Thinking of how Cecilia—who had so adored the young lady of Constant—would look at her made her chest feel suffocated, as though a stone had been placed upon it.
As she stopped speaking and closed her mouth, Raymond once again stroked Deborah’s head.
“There’s nothing to worry about.”
“…….”
Telling her not to worry—with that carefree remark, Deborah lost her words and simply stared at the man.
When her wide eyes blinked largely, the man’s lips curved gently at some point.
Immediately after, the man’s head lowered.
The shadow covering her eyes made her eyelids reflexively close, and softly, the man’s lips touched the concave spot above them.
“You worry about so many things.”
The lips that had softly descended over both eyes now moved little by little down to the tender cheeks below.
At that pleasant sensation, a faint moan eventually escaped from Deborah’s lips.
But realizing this was not the time, Deborah gently grasped his shoulder.
At that action, the man’s straight eyebrows furrowed slightly.
“Why.”
“……You have to go now, don’t you.”
“Didn’t you hear earlier? I clearly received permission.”
At the man tilting his head to one side as he spoke, Deborah once again carefully recalled the conversation between him and the crown prince.
Then she opened her mouth again.
“You said you would only be away for a moment.”
She reminded him that far too much time had already passed for it to be considered “a moment.”
At her words, the man’s brows furrowed even more deeply.
“That’s right.”
“…….”
“And after hearing that, His Highness the Crown Prince personally said that with the atmosphere like this, it would be good to end things around here.”
Isn’t that so?—his face seemed to ask as much, making Deborah’s brows furrow slightly.
She somehow felt as though she were being drawn into the man’s words, yet in truth, what he said was correct.
She simply did not know whether it was really all right to do this, so she could not respond.
This was none other than His Highness the Crown Prince, after all.
While she was lost in thought for a long while.
Suddenly Raymond’s body moved forward.
Wrapping one arm around Deborah’s waist, he shifted his weight backward.
In an instant her body fell back; so startled was she that Deborah stared wide-eyed for a long time at the face of the man now lying beside her.
Whether she did or not, the man wore a mischievous, boyish smile.
“I told you there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Still, ho—”
Still, how could he do that?—the moment she was about to say it, Deborah’s body froze.
The heavy weight felt from below.
At that blatant sensation, Deborah’s face flushed hot in an instant.
“Ignore it. There’s nothing to mind.”
“…….”
Telling her not to mind, the man pulled her body fully into his arms and began patting her back.
But how could she ignore it when it was asserting itself so unmistakably?
“Stop squirming and close your eyes already?”
“Is that…… okay?”
The hand that had been patting her back suddenly stopped.
A moment later, a short, deflating laugh escaped through the man’s teeth.
“If it weren’t okay.”
“…….”
If it weren’t okay, then what?—at the question, her words momentarily failed her.
It was not that she disliked it, but neither was she particularly eager.
Not much time had passed since all that commotion, and with her face still swollen, being intimate with the man could not possibly feel entirely good.
Perhaps that was why he was being considerate.
Even though her body’s reaction was so vivid.
While she hesitated to answer, the hand patting her back began moving again.
The regular rhythm, the quiet sound of the man’s heartbeat—it felt as though all her earlier anxiety was being washed away.
And not long after, a death-like sleep truly poured over her.
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