IWAPUF 34

The Crown Prince brought my hair to his lips. His face, shadowed by the fading sunset, carried an
almost reverent air, as if he were offering a prayer to some divine being.
“How can I breach the walls you’ve built around yourself?”
He lifted his gaze, his golden eyes locking onto mine. The moment our eyes met, my heart lurched
violently. It wasn’t the familiar ache I’d felt every time I looked at him before. This
sensation—strange yet hauntingly familiar—sent shivers down my spine.
I pushed against his chest with both hands. He released my hair without resistance and stepped
back, complying with my unspoken demand. Though his earlier ferocity seemed to have subsided,
his eyes still burned with an unrelenting intensity.
I couldn’t decipher his intentions. Why was he saying these things to me?
He had never lied to me, not then, not now, even if he veiled the truth. So, his words now must be
sincere. What I couldn’t grasp was why he cared about me at all.
“Why?” I asked.
Back then, he was indifferent to my actions, my words. He treated me with the bare minimum of
courtesy befitting a betrothed, nothing more. What had changed to make him act so differently
now?
“Why are you saying these things to me? Doesn’t it only matter to Your Highness that I come with
the right background?”
“Yes, your background is desirable. Your lineage, your family, your wealth—all of it is appealing,”
He replied, his words blunt and unadorned, as if he saw no need to soften them.
“At first, I thought it would be enough if you simply didn’t stand in my way.”
He stepped closer, leaving only half a step between us. Instead of closing the distance further, he
reached out with both hands.
“But how did it come to this?”
His large hands cupped my cheeks, their warmth seeping into my skin.
“They say you don’t notice your clothes getting wet in a drizzle. At some point, I found myself
counting the days until I could see you again.”
He pressed his forehead against mine, his voice thick with longing.
“When I’m with you, I can’t help but smile. I want your gaze to linger on me always. The moment
I saw you in his arms. I wanted to tear him apart. The mere thought of you bearing another man’s
children drives me to madness. If this is what love is, then I love you.”
My heart pounded fiercely. This was the confession I had once craved with every fiber of my
being. But while my heart burned, my mind spoke coldly.
Can you trust him?
What if he’s mistaken about his feelings?
Even if his confession is genuine now, what guarantee is there that his heart won’t shift the
The moment he meets her?
“That can’t be true,” I said, pushing him away.
Unlike before, he didn’t yield easily. Our foreheads parted, but he remained close, a mere half-step
away.
“How can you be so sure?” he asked.
Back then, he didn’t love me. His honeyed gazes and whispered words of love were never for me.
“You call this love? No, it can’t possibly be love.”
“Not love? And what makes you so certain? How can you claim to know my heart?”
I wanted to scream that I knew the woman he was destined to love. If I could, I would drag her
before him and demand to know if he could still claim to love me in her presence.
“I can’t trust you,” I said.
“Can’t trust me?”
“There’s no trust between us, is there?”
“Have I ever done anything to make you distrust me?”
His face hardened, his voice a low growl. He looked as though his pride had been deeply
wounded.
“Is that your answer to my confession?”
“What answer did you expect?”
He was born and raised as the Crown Prince of the empire, groomed to rule over others. A
heartfelt confession like this was likely foreign to him, perhaps even a rare act of courage. To have
it rejected outright would naturally provoke such a reaction, especially since he knew nothing of
the past.
But that didn’t mean I was obligated to accept his confession.
“Did you expect me to weep with joy and proclaim my love for you?” I asked.
“Bii!”
“Don’t delude yourself. From the start, you and I have been bound by a contract born of necessity.
There’s no room for feelings in it.”
“Yes, I’d forgotten about that damned contract,” he spat, his voice bitter, as if chewing on the
words.
“No wonder you’re father and daughter—you and your father are exactly alike. Damn it!”
He muttered a curse under his breath, directed at Marquess Eliont. I couldn’t understand why he
suddenly brought up the Marquess. What did he have to do with this?
Wasn’t our engagement a contract where the Eliont family would lend him their power, and in
return, gain the prestige and influence of being tied to the imperial family?
It felt as though the contract I knew and the one he spoke of were different. Was there some
agreement between him and the Marquess I was unaware of? Before I could voice my questions,
he spoke again.
“To hell with that damned contract. I want you.”
Every time I looked at him, my heart raced wildly. It responded to his every word, his every action,
like a fledgling bird crying for its mother—an instinct I couldn’t control.
“Please, Bii, don’t push me away.”
His earnest gaze, his sweet confession, still set my heart racing. But my reason remained steadfast
in its rejection.
“Are you throwing a tantrum, demanding I love you because you claim to love me?” I asked.
“If throwing a tantrum would win your heart, would it work?”
His expression suggested he’d throw a tantrum if he thought it would help. Was this really who he
was?
I looked at him anew, as if seeing him for the first time. The Crown Prince before me now seemed
an entirely different person from the one I’d known. He was acting as though he were someone
separate from the man he’d been back then.
Why had he changed? Or had he truly changed at all? Could it be that, despite my denials, I was
still clinging to the version of myself from that time?
All this while, I’d been terrified of loving him. I’d cowered, shrinking back from possibilities that
hadn’t even come to pass. Why had I been so foolish? I felt pathetic.
What I truly feared wasn’t loving him. It was the version of myself that might crumble and lose
everything in the act of loving him.
If I let myself love him, would I fall apart again, as I did back then?
I didn’t know. I might collapse, or I might not. Was I going to spend my life running from him
because of that uncertainty?
No, I didn’t want that. Why should I flee from something I hadn’t even faced?
“Then try,” I said.
My heart raced every time I looked at him, but I couldn’t tell if it was love. If I didn’t know, then I
had to find out.
“Throw a tantrum like a child, seduce me—do whatever it takes to turn my heart toward you.”
If I ended up loving him, I’d deal with the consequences when they came.
“Make every effort to win my heart, Your Highness.”
I looked up at him and smiled.
—
Act 9: The Hunting Tournament
I sat in the parlor, my gaze fixed on the box and glass bottle resting on the table before me. The
box had come from the Crown Prince, the bottle from Evan Li, both delivered to me early that
morning.
The box was slightly damaged, one corner crushed from a fall, a small piece the size of a
fingernail broken off. I lifted the lid to check its contents. The pendant I’d prepared for Lant,
engraved with a seal, lay nestled inside, mercifully unharmed.
I hadn’t even noticed I’d dropped the box yesterday. If the Crown Prince’s attendant hadn’t
brought it to me this morning on his orders, I might have spent the entire day searching for it. His
confession had shaken me so deeply that I’d forgotten about Lant’s gift.
I let out a sigh. “Haa.”
This wouldn’t do, not so soon. I’d boldly challenged the Crown Prince to win me over, but
truthfully, I had no idea how he’d approach me next.
I was no longer afraid of falling in love with him. But the complications that would follow were
daunting. At the very least, I’d clash with the First Empress, and two years from now,
Irins—she—would appear.
A conflict with the First Empress was unavoidable in my current situation, but meeting Irins
would be particularly uncomfortable. It wasn’t just that I disliked her. Back then, I had wronged
her.
She had simply loved the Crown Prince, just as I had. Wanting to be by the side of the one you
love is only natural for any woman.
Imperial law permitted polygamy and marriages beyond fifth-degree relations. The Crown Prince
and Irins were sixth cousins. Her presence at his side wasn’t a crime. Her status was high enough
to enter as a secondary consort, and legally, there was no issue.
From her perspective, being with the Crown Prince might have seemed perfectly natural. The only
thing she hadn’t anticipated was that I, back then, couldn’t tolerate her existence.
I hadn’t been able to stop her from entering the palace as his consort. Arrogant and dismissive of
everyone but myself, I had no allies left. Even the Emperor, my only remaining supporter, had
passed away. A wretch like me, who knew only how to cause trouble, had no chance of preventing
her entry.
From the day she entered the palace, I began to torment her.
Using my authority as Empress, I diverted funds meant for her palace and didn’t hesitate to harass
her directly. I was consumed with tearing her down. I humiliated her openly, leveraging my
position to create degrading situations.
Humiliating her was easy. Despite being a duke’s daughter, she was woefully unversed in palace
etiquette. I mocked her as a rustic from the western provinces.
She couldn’t even muster a proper protest against my torment, only shedding tears. Her weakness
only fueled my spite, and I grew even more vicious.
Surprisingly, the Emperor—him—didn’t intervene. He merely looked at me with disapproval or
ignored me, wiping her tears and comforting her himself. Perhaps that was natural for an Emperor.
Even I, reckless as I was, knew I couldn’t torment her without cause and expect to escape
unscathed. I seized on her words and actions, using them as excuses to justify my cruelty. My
reasons were flimsy, but I cloaked them in the pretense of maintaining palace discipline as the
head of the inner court. The Emperor couldn’t meddle in every affair of the inner palace.
Back then, I thought he didn’t love her enough to stop me. But now, I’m not so sure his actions
were that simple.
A man blinded by love would have at least warned me. Emperor or not, he was still a man in love.
What man would stand by while someone tormented the woman he loved? Yet, save for one
instance, he never warned or restrained me.
I tapped my fingers on the table. The more I thought about it, the less I understood. Why had he
tolerated my actions? His tolerance only emboldened me, and my behavior grew increasingly
reckless until I crossed a line I never should have.
There was no child between us. I longed desperately for his child, but fate denied me. He came to
me only on designated nights, and after her arrival, even those stopped. My chances of conceiving
grew ever more remote.
Irins was naturally radiant. Her warm smile and kindness won over nearly everyone. Little by little,
she carved out her place in the palace. That change drove me to desperation. And then, the news of
her pregnancy arrived.
The court rejoiced at her pregnancy. The birth of the next heir was a blessing to the empire. He,
too, smiled brightly, kissing her in celebration. It was the first time I realized he could smile so
radiantly.
In that moment, I must have lost my mind. I couldn’t accept the child’s existence. And so, I made
a foolish choice.