Chapter 191. I will do it anyway
Even at a single glance, her appearance looked extremely unstable.
Her hands were moving restlessly and distractedly without being able to remain still, and she even showed abnormal behavior by continuously biting and releasing her lower lip.
Saying she had something to say, the fact that she walked all the way to the study herself was one thing, but from every single detail visible to the eye, one could intuitively feel that something unusual had happened.
Raymond, who stared blankly at the woman waiting for the answer to come out of his mouth, soon stood up from his seat.
“……Go and sit down.”
Even though a considerable amount of time was said to have passed, her body still wouldn’t be fully whole yet.
Above all, to keep her standing just like that, the woman’s face was excessively haggard and pale.
So, whatever it was, for now, he intended to go to the sofa and talk.
But—
Thud.
Deborah suddenly grabbed Raymond’s arm as it moved forward.
As if she couldn’t even wait for that brief moment of going to the sofa.
“Money.”
Money? At that sudden word that popped out right away, Raymond’s brow furrowed intensely.
“Money, that money…… I don’t need any of it.”
“What does that—”
At the words that became increasingly incomprehensible, Raymond finally could not hold back and asked back, but the words that were coming out were cut cleanly right then and there.
“The subsidy…… the mansion…… I, I don’t need any of it. No, I have never wished for such things even once.”
“…….”
Subsidy, mansion.
Among the words the other person poured out incoherently, those words in particular pierced vividly into his ears.
The moment his pupils, which had been moving slowly as if putting a puzzle together, stopped in place, only then did Raymond begin to understand this entire situation.
Why the woman, who was always busy avoiding him, came to find him and behave like this.
In an instant, Raymond’s blue eyes began to sink deeply.
“I, I don’t need any of it, all of it…… so please just let me, just let me raise the child.”
“…….”
“Then, I will go to a place no one knows and so as not to catch the Duke’s eyes ever again…… as if I don’t exist for the rest of my life, I will live quietly like that.”
Just what on earth was she told that she turned so deathly pale?
She was a woman who had said ridiculous things until the very end, claiming it was her child, and that the child in her womb had nothing to do with him.
“It’s true, really…… for the rest of my life, never again…… I won’t appear. I can promise, I can promise you.”
“…….”
Looking at the face of the woman who held tightly onto his arm and desperately begged, one side of his heart sank coldly.
You…… are always so easy.
While I am hesitating and wavering like an idiot because I cannot make a single decision, you still cut me off so easily like this…….
Even though he knew that it was, of course, the woman’s struggle to avoid having her child taken away, his heart could not help but cool down coldly.
Ultimately, his twisted heart made him utter words he did not even mean.
“By what means do you think you will raise the child?”
At the words spoken with a smirk, turning up one corner of his mouth, the woman’s golden eyes shook violently once.
“When you are in a state of wandering from place to place without even a single place to rely your own body on, tell me just how you intend to raise a child.”
“…….”
“As if you aren’t enough, are you trying to make even the child a beggar?”
“No…… No…….”
Raymond tightly grabbed the woman’s arm in reverse as she shook her head saying no and stepped backward.
Immediately from that mouth, a groan, “Ugh,” burst out, but Raymond paid no heed and continued to press her.
“Think realistically.”
“…….”
“If it lives as your child, that child will live like you for the rest of its life. A life of enduring day by day laboriously just to not starve, unable to say anything even while being trampled by others, as if that is only natural.”
“…….”
“But what if it grows up here? For the rest of its life as a person of the Cheister family—it will live a life where dare anyone treat them carelessly. Not a life swayed by others, but as a person who sways others.”
Word by word, at the speech that plunged down just like a dagger, Deborah’s expressions crumbled one by one.
While his heart ached looking at such a woman, a dual desire to push her to that absolute limit arose at the same time.
Therefore, Raymond eventually added one more word at the very end.
“So if you have a brain, do something called thinking at least once before you speak.”
“…….”
“What truly is for the sake of the child.”
As soon as the words ended, as if losing all strength, the strength drained completely out of the woman’s body that was in contact with him.
With that as the end, Raymond turned his gaze away.
Deliberately averting his eyes from that pitiful gaze wandering blankly somewhere.
“If you understand, then leave now.”
Finally, the words signaling her dismissal dropped from Raymond’s mouth.
***
To be honest, she didn’t remember well how she left the study and returned to her room.
Even until the moment she trudged to the bed and sat down, what filled her mind were those cynical words the man had spoken just a moment ago.
Suddenly, the past times she had lived flashed rapidly through her mind.
The child of an unwed mother without a father, an orphan, and the life of the poor lower class.
As those painful moments, which she had spent engraving bone-deep loneliness and longing every single day, came to mind one by one, her chest tightened completely.
As if a huge fireball was caught in the middle of it, Deborah began to pound her chest with her fist.
—If it lives as your child, that child will live like you for the rest of its life.
Thud.
—So if you have a brain, do something called thinking at least once before you speak. What truly is for the sake of the child.
Thud, thud.
No matter how hard she pounded with strength, what was filled inside showed no sign of loosening at all.
On the contrary, as if that fire had moved to her eyes, hot tears streamed down over her two cheeks.
—If you are a human being who knows shame, you should know how to back away quietly at this point. Why don’t you know that there is nothing good about being stubborn like this?
—What kind of scandal our Cheister family was swept into because of you alone, and what kind of plight Raymond was placed in because of it—if you knew even a single thing, you couldn’t act this way.
—So, do not make any more fuss and leave quietly. If you do so, the child will be accepted as a person of our Cheister family. If you think of the child, it would be best to behave thoughtfully.
A few hours ago, Eleanor von Cheiste, who suddenly barged in, ordered the child to be handed over to Mrs. Charlotte and taken away.
Deborah had held out until the very end to avoid being robbed of it, but there was nothing she could do against the falling thunderous command.
In the room left alone like that, Eleanor von Cheiste commanded her to leave the child behind and depart quietly.
If she did so, she would pay her a monthly subsidy without her ever having to worry about making a living for the rest of her life, and would provide her a mansion in a place with beautiful scenery, though far away.
Until Eleanor von Cheiste opened the room door again and went out with the final words to think about it carefully, Deborah could not say anything with a deathly pale face.
Nothing else entered her mind.
The only thing that remained was solely the fact that they were trying to snatch the child away from her.
Though she spoke as if the choice belonged to Deborah by telling her to think about it, Deborah was not ignorant of the meaning contained beneath it.
The fact that whenever she made up her mind, she could easily separate her from the child at any time.
The moment the ominous premonition became reality, she could no longer endure.
As soon as she confirmed that the Duke had returned from his outing, Deborah headed straight to the study without any hesitation.
Even at the moment she pounded on the study door, the only thing in her mind was solely the thought of not having the child taken away.
Because the only person who could stop Eleanor von Cheiste was solely the Duke, that man, she intended to even kneel at his feet and beg if she could.
If only she could protect the child, she could kneel a hundred times, a thousand times, until those knees wore out and frayed.
Therefore, with solely that single-minded devotion, she went to find him and begged like that, but…….
It was something she dare not even guess.
The fact that her existence…… her existence as a mother, could be the seed of misfortune for the child.
That the shining future laid out before the child could tumble into that pitch-black, dark mire because of her existence…….
Through the clear tears flowing without rest, Deborah’s face slowly distorted.
With her face buried on the bed, such breathless sobbing wandered through the room for a long time.
***
Bang—!
At the thunderous roar that was suddenly heard, the bodies of everyone inside the drawing room flinched and trembled.
But that was only for a moment.
Seeing the Duke striding inside after opening the door, everyone quickly bowed their waists before him.
The strange thing was the reaction of Eleanor von Cheiste.
An appearance of not moving even an inch, like a person who already knew the Duke would barge in.
The moment Raymond finally stepped right in front of her nose, she handed the child she was holding in her arms over to Charlotte who was standing nearby.
“Take him and stay outside.”
“……Yes, Milady.”
Charlotte, who had been gauging the mood of the two, soon held the child up and gestured with her eyes to those standing nearby.
After everyone withdrew, the only ones remaining inside the drawing room now were the Cheister family.
Unlike the calm Eleanor von Cheiste, Cecilia was continuously watching the two with an anxious and restless demeanor.
Meanwhile, a voice that finally broke that silence dropped down inside the drawing room.
“Just what on earth did you say to her?”
At that chillingly low voice, Cecilia’s body momentarily trembled as if convulsing.
But Eleanor von Cheiste still sat straight up in the exact same posture, merely staring intently at her son.
“Since you kept being unable to make a decision.”
“…….”
“So I met that girl instead, why, is there some problem?”
“…….”
“Surely you aren’t thinking of keeping that girl here continuously, and if you are going to send her out anyway, the sooner the better, not only for that girl but also for you and the newborn child.”
So, a statement telling him to just follow her will this time.
Looking at the surface, it was a statement with absolutely nothing wrong.
Because Raymond himself also recognized that this current situation was not good.
But—.
Raymond, who was quietly listening to the words flowing out as if pondering something, soon opened his mouth again.
“Even if it is done, I will be the one to do it.”
“……What?”
“Whether throwing her out, or just living together with her—I am saying I will do whatever it is.”
“……Living together, what on earth do you mean by that now—”
Raymond cut cleanly through the words of Eleanor von Cheiste, who could not bring herself to continue speaking with her wide-open mouth, this time as well.
“So, just—do not do anything and stay still.”
Words dropping fiercely as if warning.
At the words cold enough to bring a chill, the drawing room instantly turned into a quiet silence.
“She is a woman who is all alone with no one…… and a child she gave birth to by exchanging it with her own life.”
Raymond’s face, which had been spitting out word by word as if chewing them, distorted subtly at some point.
“Even beasts become extremely sensitive when a mother gives birth to its young, so how much more so would that woman be? Therefore…… do not stir up a woman who is already full of anxiety that her young might be taken away any further.”
Do you understand? Because the gaze asking back looked just like that of a wounded beast, Eleanor von Cheiste could not say any words for a moment.
Not a single word.
