Chapter 156. Lest I Seem Cowardly
Knock, knock.
Taking a deep breath, Charlotte knocked on the library door.
Not long after the dull sound of the wooden door echoed, the door opened from the inside.
The person who opened the door was Robin.
Exchanging a brief look with Robin, Charlotte soon stepped inside.
Walking across the library, which was so quiet that not even the sound of breathing could be heard, she stepped further inside and saw a person sitting with his back to the wide window.
Raymond von Cheister.
With his eyes closed, leaning back, his appearance somehow looked even paler than when she had seen him under the sunlight.
Just a moment ago—.
As the moment she was shocked by the appearance of her master, whom she saw again after a few weeks, came to mind, a sigh escaped her lips without her realizing it.
Charlotte carefully placed the tray she brought onto the desk.
Clink.
It was a very small sound.
The sound made as the wooden tray collided with the surface of the desk.
At that subtle sound, the closed eyes slowly opened.
‘I was so careful not to wake him.’
Blaming her own carelessness, Charlotte pulled the teacup, which had been placed at a distance, back in front of him.
“I have brought some tea.”
“Thank you.”
Watching the Duke tilt the teacup, Charlotte hesitated for a moment, wondering how to start talking.
If it were any other time, she would have started the conversation by saying, ‘You do not look well. Are you feeling unwell anywhere…?’ but she could not bring herself to say those words.
Because she was the person who knew better than anyone else the cause of why the young Duke, who used to feel like a solid castle, had become like this—a story that had now become a taboo.
“Has anything particular happened in the meantime.”
Startled by the sudden question that pierced through, Charlotte flinched.
She was so shocked that, for a moment, she stared at the Duke with her mouth agape.
“Ah, nothing—”
Just as the flustered Charlotte swallowed her startled heart and opened her mouth.
—Your Grace… please let me see His Grace.
—I must, because I have something to tell him… really, I must meet him and tell him…
—Please… I beg of you like this. Just once… just this once… then, ah, I will never come looking for him again.
Why on earth did the event of that moment come to mind right then.
On a night when the rain poured down all night long, as if the sky had been pierced through.
The pitiful figure begging beneath her to let her meet the Duke just once vividly came to Charlotte’s mind.
“Charlotte.”
At the action of closing her mouth mid-sentence, a sharp voice flew in at last.
Charlotte hurriedly bowed her head.
“Nothing… nothing happened, Your Grace.”
“…….”
Although she tried to spit out the words as calmly as possible, the gaze piercing down upon her face felt incredibly sharp.
An eye that looked as if it suspected something.
The reason that stinging gaze stopped was due to the sound of a knock that rang just in time.
The person who stepped inside was Greig, the butler.
“The carriage is ready.”
At the words that the carriage for going out was ready, the Duke stood up from his seat.
Charlotte, who was following behind him, breathed a sigh of relief inwardly.
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“Hey, are you going to keep staying like that!”
At the face that openly displayed discomfort, Roderick, unable to watch any longer, banged on the table.
“Man, people should come to places like this once in a while and all.”
At the remark that only then would the stuffiness be completely relieved, Jade laughed as if it were absurd.
“Does coming to a place like this solve all the stuffiness?”
“Well, of course it won’t solve it, but it relieves the chest a bit, I mean. Geez, you’re slow on the uptake.”
Smacking his lips, Roderick, telling him not to be like that and to drink, clinked his glass with a clank.
Jade shook his head from side to side, then, pretending to give in, picked up his glass.
“Do you have some worries lately?”
It was just when he had taken a sip of the amber brandy.
At the question asked slyly, Jade’s gaze turned to the left where Roderick was sitting.
“Worries?”
A face asking what that meant.
Roderick patted Jade’s back with a thud.
“Ah, you know, something like that. Stuff like where a guy is anxious and tingling inside.”
“What on earth are you talking about…”
Jade shook his head from side to side, then turned his gaze back to the front.
Since he was a person who often said eccentric things anyway, he thought it was just that this time as well.
But—
“I mean Deborah.”
At the words uttered cautiously, Jade’s hand, which was tilting the glass, instantly flinched.
A gaze that turned back immediately.
“……Deborah?”
At the changed expression of the person who had been letting it slide all along, Roderick clicked his tongue.
“There’s no need to ask further about this, none at all.”
At the sight of him continually making strange noises after throwing out incomprehensible words, Jade’s brow ultimately furrowed fiercely.
“What is it about Deborah that you are talking about.”
“Look at this, look at this. Look at this face turning completely serious.”
Even while knowing full well that it was a rude action, Roderick pointed his finger right in Jade’s face.
Just as his incomprehensible words and actions were about to become unpleasant.
“You have feelings for Deborah, don’t you?”
Flinch.
At those words that were entirely unexpected, Jade’s expression froze just as it was.
“Who…….”
“What do you mean who, anyone could tell just by looking.”
“…….”
“No, but still, I kept doubting it just in case, no matter how it is, lik— a woman carrying another man’s child—”
Roderick, who was speaking while shaking his head from side to side, instantly looked back at Jade with a face that realized, ‘Oops.’
And seeing the rigidly frozen face, he smacked his lips again.
“Well, don’t take it the wrong way… I’ve known you for a long time after all.”
“…….”
“She’s good, she’s a good woman. Kind, and pretty enough for that matter. Right, I do understand your liking her.”
“…….”
“If it were not long ago, right, the fact that she’s an orphan bothers me a bit, but what does it matter. As long as the person is good, that’s enough. I would have pushed the two of you to try and make it work like that—.”
The words that were flowing out relentlessly stopped for just a brief moment.
As if the speaker himself didn’t quite like those words, he downed that strong liquor into his mouth in a single gulp.
Bang—!
At the sound of the glass being set down roughly, the shoulders of the people sitting around flinched.
“Geez, a woman carrying another man’s child…….”
Having brought up those words, Roderick’s mouth shut once more.
Damn it, Roderick, who scratched his head vigorously, opened his mouth again only after a long while.
“Right, I’ll say all of that is fine up to that point. The problem is! From what I see, it looks like Deborah hasn’t completely forgotten the baby’s father yet.”
Words that seemed to pierce right through.
Roderick Wigo seemed to treat everything casually in every matter, but in truth, he was a person with observation skills superior to anyone else.
For such a person, discerning the inner mind of the opponent he saw at the bookstore he dropped by every single day might have been an easier task than expected.
Because there are things that are visible even without saying them with the mouth.
A gaze that occasionally stares blankly somewhere.
The sad face shown after losing oneself in thought for a long while.
Above all else…….
Every time he saw those golden eyes filled with longing, it was impossible not to know.
That the smile saying she was fine now was all a lie.
“Besides, Deborah had no inkling at all. That you have those kinds of feelings, I mean.”
“…….”
“Jade, you too… is it because something is holding you back that you haven’t been able to say it until now?”
‘Something holding him back.’
He could vaguely guess what it was that he was talking about.
No, everyone in the world would think so.
An orphan, a single mother, a woman carrying another man’s child.
Anyone who knew Jade would have stopped him and told him to think about it again.
But there was one thing that people did not know.
That among those words spoken by the standards of the world, none of them correctly expressed the woman named Deborah.
To him, Deborah was just ‘Deborah Coleman’.
Not an orphan, not a single mother, just Deborah Coleman.
“……It is not something like that.”
“It’s not?”
“Yes.”
The reason he could not convey his feelings to Deborah was not because there was something he was reluctant about.
It was even less because he was afraid of being rejected.
“Then, what is it. Why do you help with everything so thoughtlessly like that without properly conveying a single feeling.”
Like an idiot.
Somehow, it felt like the words swallowed behind that were audible.
With a chuckle, Jade swirled his glass.
The amber alcohol colliding inside the glass with a splash slowly flowed into his mouth and passed down, searing his esophagus hotly.
“Lest I seem cowardly.”
“……Cowardly?”
Asking what on earth kind of nonsense that was, Roderick’s brow furrowed fiercely.
“It feels like confessing by taking advantage of a moment of weakness.”
“…….”
“After helping out just because I wanted to do so, it’s as if I’m expecting something in return…….”
“What a…….”
Roderick, who finished listening to the words that flowed out quietly as if muttering to himself, hung his mouth wide open as if it were absurd.
Even though harsh words flowed out of his mouth immediately afterward, Jade could only let out a chuckle, chuckling.
Right, perhaps all of that was a lie too.
The reason he ultimately could not say those words that surged up to his throat not long ago.
In truth, it might have been because he lacked courage…
For fear that he might not even be able to stay by her side even as a friend, because he was scared.
Jade tilted the glass held in his hand and drained all the liquor contained inside in one gulp.
It was a day when the liquor, which spread potently with a chill, felt exceptionally sweet today of all days.
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