Episode 69. I’m Curious About the Reason Too
Deborah heard the shocking news not long after the morning roll call had ended.
—Come see me for a moment.
It was Madam Charlotte who said that to Deborah as she was about to leave the servants’ hall.
The reason Deborah’s face stiffened with tension as she followed behind was because Madam Charlotte’s expression looked so unfamiliar.
She seemed troubled somehow—or rather, there was a hint of complicated emotion on her face.
It was the first time Deborah had ever seen her like that, and from that moment on, countless thoughts began to fill her mind.
Was she about to be dismissed? Was she going to be kicked out just like that?
While her thoughts ran wild, they arrived at Charlotte’s private quarters before she even realized it.
“……”
“……”
Even after they had both taken their seats on the sofa, Madam Charlotte remained silent for quite some time.
What could possibly be so serious that it was this difficult for her to speak?
Could it really be… that my guess is right—that she’s about to tell me I’m fired?
If so, I should probably say that it’s all right, that she can tell me comfortably—but Deborah couldn’t bring herself to open her mouth, terrified that those words might actually come out of the woman’s lips.
If I’m forced to leave here, where could I possibly go?
It was all too clear that she’d end up wandering the streets as a beggar.
“…Listen to me, but don’t misunderstand.”
Just as her mind was tangled like a ball of thread, Madam Charlotte finally opened her mouth.
Clearing her throat, she let out a long sigh before continuing.
“I know this isn’t easy news to deliver for me, either—”
“Madam, p-please, just think it over once more.”
There was no need to hear the rest.
Before Charlotte could even finish her slow words, Deborah pleaded desperately, as if clinging to her.
“I-I know I’m lacking… Ah, if it’s that, I-I’m fine with a little less pay.”
As an orphan, she had no one who could write her a letter of recommendation to work elsewhere.
She had only managed to get this job because of Miss Helena’s efforts—and if she were kicked out of here, she would truly have nowhere to go.
As long as there was a roof and a window to shield her from the cold, and as long as she could get a meal now and then, Deborah didn’t mind even working without pay.
She knew all too well how terrifying and miserable it was to be thrown out onto the streets by the cruel orphanage director, forced to starve and shiver in the cold.
There was no pride to speak of.
Anyone who had gone days without washing, looking no different from a vagrant, crawling across the cold ground and mistaking filth from the streets for food—would know.
In such moments, pride was a luxury one could not afford.
So, if only she could be allowed to stay here, she was willing to kneel at the woman’s feet and beg.
Please… just please…
With all her desperation, Deborah waited for Madam Charlotte’s response.
But strangely enough, her reaction was off.
Her face showed utter bewilderment, as though she couldn’t understand a word Deborah was saying.
After a while, she seemed to collect her thoughts and spoke slowly.
“I don’t know what kind of misunderstanding this is, but…”
“……”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“…?”
This time, it was Deborah’s face that turned blank with confusion.
If that wasn’t what it was, then what could possibly be so difficult to say?
Seeing Deborah’s bewilderment, Madam Charlotte let out another long sigh, as if she understood her feelings completely.
“So what I meant to say is…”
Finally, as if making up her mind, the words she had been holding back began to spill out one by one from Madam Charlotte’s lips.
By the time she had finished everything—
It was only natural that Deborah’s face had turned deathly pale.
—He’s probably in the study right now.
It sounded almost like she was saying, if you want to question him, you’d better go now.
Deborah couldn’t even blame her for acting that way.
If even she herself felt so dumbfounded and outraged right now, how much more must Charlotte have felt?
—His Grace ordered your room to be moved next to his bedchamber, and also said you’re to be removed from all duties for the time being.
Even hearing it again, it was still unbelievable.
Even though I knew Lady Charlotte wasn’t the sort of person to come to me with some ridiculous story, I still found myself doubting it for a moment.
Was it really true that he had said such a thing?
Honestly, it was hard to believe.
Up until yesterday, he had thoroughly ignored me.
As if I didn’t even exist… he had remained perfectly consistent in that attitude right up until the moment he left the parlor.
Not that I was upset about it.
It was just that I couldn’t understand why someone who had acted that way—about something that had already ended more than a week ago—would suddenly retract it now, in this way.
I had no desire to go to him of my own accord, but I couldn’t simply stay still either.
Lost in thought, before I knew it, I had arrived in front of the study.
Deborah took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled.
She stared at the door for a moment, then finally raised her hand as if making up her mind.
Knock, knock—
A dull sound echoed down the quiet corridor, and a short while later, a voice came from within.
With her heart pounding, Deborah gripped the doorknob tightly and turned it.
As she entered, she saw a man sitting at the desk on the right-hand side of the room.
“……”
Deborah walked toward him as calmly and indifferently as she could manage.
The man watched her slow approach with an expression that seemed almost observant, detached.
“What brings you here?”
After a short silence, it was Raymond who spoke first.
Though he surely knew why she had come, his casual tone made Deborah unconsciously furrow her brow.
At that, a faint smile flickered across the man’s lips—but fortunately, she was in no state to notice such things.
“I just heard… something strange from Lady Charlotte, so I came to ask you directly.”
“Something strange—”
Still pretending not to understand, the man leaned back in his chair and spoke lazily.
For a moment, she wondered if he really didn’t know—but his attitude was far too brazen for that.
And in that short moment, Deborah reaffirmed to herself that Lady Charlotte had no reason to lie to her.
“I was told you gave instructions… to have my room changed.”
The matter about being dismissed from her duties would come next; for now, she decided to address the most absurd part first.
Surely, when she was being this direct, he wouldn’t try to feign ignorance again.
Standing there with a rather firm expression, Deborah focused on what he would do next—when, after quite a pause, he let out a belated “Ah,” as if he’d just remembered.
Just as she was beginning to think that they could finally have a proper conversation, his next words made her go speechless again.
“And why not?”
“……”
He raised one eyebrow slightly, as if to say there was nothing wrong with his decision—leaving her utterly dumbfounded.
Deborah bit her lip hard before continuing.
“I just don’t understand… why you suddenly gave such an order.”
Next to your own bedchamber, at that.
Though she didn’t say it aloud, what she truly wanted to ask was—why must I stay near your bedroom?
Why do you decide such things on your own?
But Deborah knew very well that she couldn’t, and mustn’t, confront him that way.
No matter what unspoken intentions lay beneath his orders, as long as they weren’t expressed openly, it was her duty to obey.
If it hadn’t been for that one night between them, she might have found it strange but still followed the order in the end.
But both of them knew—no one else might, but they did—
what that night had meant.
She thought he might ignore the meaning behind her carefully chosen words again, but fortunately, it didn’t seem like he intended to this time.
Because the next thing he said was:
“I’m curious about the reason myself.”
“……?”
“That night—why it happened.”
At those softly spoken words, Deborah’s shoulders flinched slightly.
She understood immediately which “night” he was referring to.
“No matter how much I think about it, I really can’t find the answer. Why did your attitude change so suddenly, in just a few hours?”
“……”
“Up until that morning, you were moaning with pleasure in my arms—so why?”
Those sharp blue eyes bore into her, and before she could stop herself, Deborah swallowed hard.
☆▪︎▪︎▪︎☆▪︎▪︎▪︎☆▪︎▪︎▪︎☆
By Anna 💓
