Chapter 194. If only you disappear quietly
She did think that something was strange.
Was it when Mrs. Charlotte knocked on the door again less than an hour after bringing the child?
Or was it when the lady who entered with a dark expression brought up the words that she had to go down to the first-floor drawing room for a moment?
To Deborah, who asked for the reason, Charlotte merely conveyed ambiguous words that she would know once she went.
While following behind her toward the drawing room, all kinds of thoughts stirred up inside her head.
By any chance, was the Grand Lady trying to chase her out again in his absence just like last time?
What if she tells me to leave the child behind and depart right away on this path, then what should I do?
A choice for the sake of the child…….
Even though she had barely made up her mind after thinking and thinking thousands of times over the past few days…… thinking that it might actually become today when it comes down to it, her resolve began to shake.
However, when she finally arrived at the drawing room while having such thoughts, the one waiting for Deborah was a completely unexpected, surprising opponent.
“Then…… I will come again after a short while.”
Deliberately averting her gaze that was looking blankly without knowing the reason, the Grand Lady quickly left the drawing room just like that.
Like that, only two people remained in the drawing room, Deborah and the mysterious opponent, Marquess Constant.
“Sit down.”
Just when her mind was completely in a jumble as to what on earth this situation was, a cold voice was heard before her eyes.
Only then did Deborah’s gaze slowly move to the face of Marquess Constant.
Although she felt it when she saw him for the first time as well, he was truly…… a person with a cold impression.
His handsome appearance that allowed one to gauge his looks in his younger days despite the traces of time, his slender platinum blonde hair neatly combed back, and the mysterious golden eyes that matched well with it.
However, despite those warm colors, for some reason, a cold chill was felt in his gaze looking at people.
Of course, when looking at his daughter, he returned to the image of an endlessly affectionate father, but…… generally, it was a cold atmosphere to the extent that a chill was felt.
At the words pointing to the opposite side where he sat with thinly narrowed eyes, Deborah hesitated for a moment and then walked over and sat down as told.
All while walking to the sofa, and even after sitting down, Deborah thought.
Why this person asked to bring her here.
Though no one explained it to her, the circumstances before and after were telling her so.
That the person who made this place right now was precisely the opponent before her eyes.
A long silence flowed after Deborah sat down in her seat.
The image of the Marquess, who was slowly examining the opponent before his eyes with thinly narrowed eyes, was reminiscent of a hawk’s eyes searching for prey.
At that moment when she swallowed her dry spit without realizing it due to the tightly constricting tension.
“A very long time ago, I—”
Finally, words flowed out from his mouth.
“Knew a woman who looked very similar to you.”
‘A woman…… who looked similar?’
As if retracing past times, Deborah looked as if spellbound at those golden eyes moving slowly.
Then suddenly, a single memory that flashed past her head.
—Yes, you closely resemble the maid…… whom this father knew since he was young.
—Olivia, you wouldn’t know. Because she d……ied before I marr—no, before you were even born.
—What is there to cherish a servant or not? It is just that it is the first time seeing someone who resembles a person who passed away so long ago like this……, so I was merely surprised for a moment.
As those words she had heard when bumping into him in the drawing room once suddenly flashed through her mind, a strange thought attached itself along with them.
‘Could it be…….’
“To a lowly thing doing chores and the like, her appearance was not even that eye-catching either…… yet strangely, she had a peculiar charm. To the point where male fellows had their hearts scorched at that single flattering smile of hers.”
“…….”
The gaze of the Marquess speaking those words turned blurry for a moment as if recalling that moment.
“B, by any chance…… do you know my mother?”
Deborah’s voice asking cautiously was trembling severely.
At the thought that perhaps, just perhaps, she might have met a person who knew her mother, her heart began to beat like crazy.
A person who was lonely and desolate without anyone, like a completely alone orphan.
As time passed more and more, Deborah was so terribly scared and afraid of her memory of her mother gradually becoming faint.
Fearing that at some point like this, she might not remember anything.
Her mother’s face, scent, and that hum she used to hum occasionally.
When the moment comes when even all those things vanish even from inside her memory…… it felt as if there would be no one who remembered her mother anymore, so she was terribly afraid of that.
However, no matter how much she tried to hold onto her memory, not even a single picture remained to recall that image.
The only thing she possessed was a single necklace her mother left behind.
That was precisely the reason she endured without selling the necklace even at moments when it was painfully hard to die.
So how could her heart not tremble?
When she might be having a person who knew her mother right before her eyes.
At the reaction of the Marquess who merely remained silent without any words, Deborah urgently opened her mouth again.
“My mother’s name is Ro, Rosalyn Col—”
“Is there any chance I would remember the name of such a lowly thing?”
The words brought out with a shred of expectation were ruthlessly destroyed just as they were at that single phrase cutting her off coldly.
Looking at Deborah’s face that limply loosened in a single moment, the Marquess’s face turned even more cruel.
“However, as for what happened to her, I remember it very clearly.”
“…….”
“Because I heard that a wench who suddenly became pregnant with a child whose seed was not even known was caught and killed while daring to try to pin it on some noble.”
“…….”
“Therefore, I know things like you people very well. Vulgar things that know neither shame nor disgrace.”
Spitting out word by word, the Marquess’s face distorted as if looking at a filthy bug.
“Yet dare a single wench like you throw ashes on the wedding of two noble families?!”
“…….”
“I do not know what you instigated the Duke with, but this wedding breaking down is something that will absolutely never happen. Because no matter what happens, I will definitely bring the wedding of the two families to fruition.”
So behind the warning to not even have useless thoughts from the start, the Marquess eventually added one more horrific word.
“If it is for the sake of that, I will not hesitate to even take the lives of you two, mother and child.”
Gasp, at that fierce threat placed on his mouth, a heavy breath burst out from Deborah’s mouth in an instant.
To take the lives of the mother and child, what on earth was that…….
Holding tightly onto her trembling hands, Deborah barely parted her lips.
“Right now…… just what on earth are you talking about……”
“If there is something blocking the path ahead of my daughter, it means I will clean it away with my own hands cleanly. You, as well as that child you gave birth to.”
At the Marquess’s behavior of saying cruel words as if it were nothing, her entire body trembled like crazy.
“However, if only you disappear quietly—”
“…….”
“I wouldn’t need to needlessly take even that young thing’s life. A bastard or the like is as abundant as to be kicked around by feet in noble families, just what on earth is that.”
“…….”
It was a matter she had made up her mind about anyway.
For the sake of the shining future of the child who was like her own life, the only thing she could do for him, no…… the thing she must do by all means.
Because it was painfully like carving out her heart and tearing off her flesh, she had merely postponed it to tomorrow, and again to tomorrow…… like this.
However, Deborah realized that the moment where she could no longer postpone had come now.
Looking at Deborah’s deathly pale face, the Marquess finally brought out those last words.
“Now, what will you do?”
“…….”
“Answer me once whether you will protect the young child’s life as his mother, or whether you plan to be greedy until the end and see disaster.”
Though it was words that sounded as if seeking an answer at a glance, that tone already seemed to guess what the answer coming out from the counterpart would be.
As if proving it, from the mouth of Deborah who was silent for a long time, that answer finally flowed out.
That answer that Marquess Constant had waited for so much.
That a satisfied smile floated on the mouth corners of Marquess Constant who heard that answer was a matter that went without saying.
***
To be honest, she didn’t remember well how she returned to her room.
The only thing she remembered was the child’s crying sound heard the moment she opened the room door.
It was the moment when her consciousness, which had been dim as if losing her mind, instantly became clear.
Deborah, who walked quickly, transferred the child Charlotte was holding into her arms almost as if snatching him away.
Charlotte, who watched that image of her holding the child in her arms and holding her breath pityingly, soon quietly closed the door and disappeared.
Soothing the whining child in her arms, only then did the tears she had held back stream down continuously.
If I had known it would be like this, I should have run away further, to a very far place…….
No, when I reunited with him again…… if I had run away far without holding futile lingering affection even back then…….
Then, there wouldn’t have been a heart-wrenching thing like this.
I wouldn’t have had to go through a farewell where my heart feels as if it is being torn to shreds like this.
Even if she tried making useless regrets now and tried again, she merely realized that the horrific reality did not change in the slightest.
Wiping away the tears flowing without rest, Deborah looked at the child’s face as if her eyes would fall out.
“My baby…… my baby…… I’m sorry, my baby……”
Drip, drip, the falling tears were spreading over the baby’s clear cheeks.
She tried carefully wiping away those tears with her hand, but it was no use no matter how much she wiped, as tears poured down over it without fail.
“My baby, I’m sorry…… Mom is s……”
Eventually, the tears held back to the point of her throat hurting turned into a soundless sob and flowed out with weird hiccups, “Hic, hic.”
Holding the child in her arms, Deborah endlessly whispered into that ear continuously.
I’m sorry, my baby, Mom leaving you behind and departing…… is all for your sake…….
Although I am a lacking mother who can only do that for you, even so, I love you and love you more than anything in this world…… my pretty baby.
From the moment Mom opens her eyes until the moment she falls asleep, Mom will pray for you every single day without forgetting. Until the moment my life ends.
So…… our baby, don’t even remember a mother like this…… don’t even miss me…… as an always happy child, please be so…….
Deborah continuously repeated and repeated again those words that a newborn baby wouldn’t even understand, just like that.
Until her whispering voice eventually turned entirely hoarse.
Until her overflowing tears drenched the child’s swaddle completely.
For a long while like that.
