Episode 15
The reason our conversation is flowing so smoothly right now is entirely because I’m matching her level and going along with her. If not, it would have ended awkwardly or with an uncomfortable atmosphere long ago. But Roena was completely unaware of this.
That said, there’s no way I could get angry at her right now or yell at her to stop. This is all just a beautiful situation called ‘Roena’s efforts to get close to her stepsister.’
Above all, most of the people in the hall didn’t know what level of conversation Roena was having or how much it was embarrassing me.
For nobles, this level of knowledge is essential basic common sense that one must possess. Therefore, a conversation like this was perfectly natural. Rather, I was the one who seemed stupid and ignorant for not understanding.
Exhausted from the endless conversation, I finally couldn’t endure it anymore and opened my mouth.
“Roena. You really know a wide variety of things in depth. Having such beneficial conversations with you even lifts my mood. But don’t you think this is enough? I’m so in awe of your intelligence that my throat is getting hoarse.”
“Oh my, you’re right. I’m really sorry. I was only thinking about myself.”
Damn it, you only realize that now? How annoyingly self-centered, that girl!
Contrary to my sulky true feelings, I shook my head lightly with a smile plastered on my face.
“No. You weren’t the only one who enjoyed the conversation. But I hope you’ll focus a bit more on the food. Otherwise, you’ll get really hungry. You understand what I mean, right?”
When I softened the words ‘So shut up and just eat, you girl’ as much as possible and spat them out, she reluctantly nodded.
And with her face completely red, she turned her gaze away, and thankfully, Roena didn’t say anything more. Instead, she focused on eating her food using her fork and knife.
This continued until the meal ended. It was truly an ecstatic and enjoyable silence.
Though there was a brief mishap, I was in a good mood from the leisurely meal I hadn’t had in a long time, so I rinsed my mouth with the lemon water handed to me by the maid and wiped my dirty hands with a napkin.
My stepfather was enjoying the afterglow of the dinner while drinking cherry brandy, and my mother was sipping wine mixed with honey in a cold pewter cup little by little.
Roena ate an apple baked in the oven after being candied in honey. It was around the time when his brandy was almost empty that my stepfather suddenly opened his mouth as if he had just remembered.
“Come to think of it, I received a message from my sister this afternoon. She said she’ll arrive at the mansion in two days.”
At those words, my mother’s complexion turned pale white. It was fear of the visit from my stepfather’s sister, who is my step-aunt, Marquise Louise Bella Lavallier.
Madame de Lavallier, a giant in social circles and a role model for all young ladies, is the lady among ladies and the noble among nobles, someone everyone aspires to be.
She has deep artistic knowledge across various fields, supports and loves young intellectuals, and has extensive connections through interactions with prominent figures from all walks of life.
Not only that, even though she’s over forty, she’s so stylish that she leads trends, earning everyone’s envy. She was truly a woman close to perfection.
But my mother didn’t like Madame de Lavallier. No, it would be more accurate to say she was afraid of her.
The aura emanating from Louise Bella Lavallier, her sharp gaze, and the near-contemptuous look toward the woman who had seduced her brother were not something my weak-willed mother could endure!
How much so that after meeting her for the first time, she came back and burst into tears in my arms?
‘Oh, child. I’m so ashamed. In my whole life, I’ve never felt such contempt before. It felt like I was a piece of meat hanging in a butcher shop. Louise Bella de Lavallier looked at me like a prostitute who could be bought for a few coins. Oh dear. You should have seen that arrogant smile!’
When she went to greet her for the first time, Madame reportedly didn’t say a single word. She just had my mother placed in the center, surrounded by other women, and sat like a queen, just staring.
As if she wasn’t even worth speaking to, as if she didn’t acknowledge her existence at all, just silently like that.
Then, when my mother, exhausted from the silent pressure, was gasping for breath and trembling uncontrollably to the point of nearly passing out, she finally stood up and threw out one sentence.
‘I’ve just wasted my time. Without even needing to look further, she’s an extremely unbecoming woman.’
Ah, how can I explain the humiliation of that moment? I’ll probably never forget it until I die. It was a cruel remark that trampled on a woman’s pride.
And yet, Louise Bella de Lavallier, who made my mother taste such feelings, is said to arrive at the Wischwaltz mansion in two days.
It was natural for my mother to be afraid. My mother cautiously opened her mouth while glancing at my stepfather’s reaction.
“Um, do you know what business she’s coming for?”
My stepfather replied as if it were no big deal.
“The exposition opens in ten days, doesn’t it? She said she’s coming to see that. So I asked her to stay at the house. It’s to see my sister’s face after a long time, and also, there are things I’d like to ask her in passing.”
“Things to ask?”
“There’s no one better than my sister to teach Sisse Don’t you think so?”
In the past, my stepfather had tried to entrust me to Madame de Lavallier. It was an arrangement to have her help me become a proper lady.
But at that time, I had wasted half a year indulging in buying luxurious items, so I couldn’t follow Madame de Lavallier’s education and guidance at all.
Rather, unable to endure her contemptuous gaze, I often threw tantrums and wailed. This continued until Madame de Lavallier, weary of my foolish behavior, became greatly enraged and left the mansion.
It was truly like failing to recognize the gold that rolled in on its own and kicking it away like a roadside pebble.
Her anger toward me was so deep that Madame de Lavallier didn’t even send letters to the mansion until my stepfather died.
Because of me, my stepfather unintentionally had to become estranged from Madame de Lavallier. Even when I realized too late that I needed her help to surpass Roena and went to beg for forgiveness, she wouldn’t even open the door, so what more is there to say.
That Madame de Lavallier is coming. To teach me just like back then.
My mother looked at me with worry, her lips trembling. The gaze touching my face held deep concern that couldn’t be expressed in words.
I gave my mother a reassuring eye smile. And with a more cheerful voice, I said to my stepfather.
“But Aunt won’t be able to take full charge of teaching me. I’m worried that it might be too burdensome for her because of me.”
“My sister will teach you the basic etiquette and dignity that a young lady should have. You’ll learn other lessons through tutors, so don’t worry.”
“That’s a relief. I was worried she might suffer because of me.”
Starting from basic social dances, to instruments, music, singing, literature, painting, embroidery, history, basic arithmetic, ancient languages, and foreign languages—there were many things I had to learn again.
Not only horseback riding, but also simple tactical games, gambling, theater, and other entertainments had to be newly mastered.
My stepfather had newly selected all the teachers to teach me without overlapping with Roena’s, so that I wouldn’t be uncomfortable.
I ran over as if feeling grateful for his consideration and kissed him on the cheek. At the thick display of affection that seemed like something commoners would do, my stepfather looked slightly flustered but soon burst into a hearty laugh as if he didn’t mind.
And understandably so, because although Roena is a very lovely, beautiful, and affectionate daughter, having been taught strict etiquette as a lady, she had very little direct physical contact.
Kissing a man’s cheek like I just did was something possible only in a private space where no one was watching.
Ignoring Roena’s gaze, who had widened her eyes in surprise, I smiled the happiest smile I could muster.
“I’ll work hard so as not to disappoint you.”
Since I have memories from the past, I already know it all, but hiding it by pretending not to know was to show that I, too, am a genius with infinite potential, similar to Roena.
This was preparation to replace the stigma of the past me, Sisse Wischwaltz, as ‘a stupid, ignorant, ill-mannered, immature woman who tiresomely followed behind’ with the proposition of ‘a girl who is a genius on par with Roena and also a hard worker.’
Therefore, for the glorious day that will come someday, I was confident I could laugh off Madame de Lavallier’s sarcasm and contemptuous gaze.
If it becomes a stepping stone for my growth, licking her feet like a dog on the ground would be nothing.
So, let’s learn greedily and absorb diligently. Let’s strive so that large feathers can grow on wings that are only fluffy with down. Until I can soar freely in that high sky.
My stepfather laughed heartily as if he liked my words. And with a soft smile toward me, he said.
“Yes, I’ll look forward to it.”
Instead of replying, I bowed deeply and calmly overlooked my mother’s anxious gaze. Hoping that she would arrive even a day sooner.
After the dinner, while making small talk to aid digestion, I excused myself to my stepfather and mother and stood up first.
Roena seemed like she would stay longer, as she bid me farewell. Judging by her eyes sparkling with admiration and affection toward my mother, it seemed she hadn’t heard the ‘key’ story from her yet.
Perhaps that’s why? Her attitude looked like that of a young beast. A puppy fidgeting to show affection, that is, a wretched thing that ruins everything while pretending to be innocent, exactly that.
So, that’s probably why I keep feeling the impulse to ruin that innocent face. But I can’t show it.
Instead, pretending to be a sister who can’t endure how lovable her younger sister is, I smiled shyly all over my face and kissed her cheek.
Of course, as soon as I arrived in my room afterward, I shouted to Marie to bring water to rinse my mouth.
***
To become a beauty admired by everyone, several conditions are necessary.
Things like golden shining hair, smooth skin, ample breasts, slim waist, long and firm legs like a deer’s, jewel-like sparkling eyes, straight nose, lips with a light pink tint, plump buttocks.
Above all, the most important thing is to have skin as white as snow.
No matter how perfect the features of a beauty, if the skin is dark and tanned, she would be ridiculed as being of lowly origin. In the noble world, skin that isn’t white was something only commoners working under the scorching sun would have.
Unfortunately, my skin wasn’t white; perhaps because I had helped my mother with work since childhood, it had a slightly yellowish color like freshly baked bread.
It was a mark proving my lowly origin, and for the people in social circles, it was nothing but a laughingstock. Even if I could cover my face with powder, places like the collarbone below the neck or the arms couldn’t be hidden.
Moreover, the fashionable dresses at that time had sleeves coming down to the forearms, so I couldn’t even wear gloves that went up above the wrists.
So, at every party I attended, I had to stand alone under people’s gazes, and even from the women who approached me pretending to be on my side, I had to swallow my resentment while receiving contemptuous looks.
The maids like Marie and others knew that for noble women, having clear skin white as snow was important, but they didn’t give me any beauty massages or advice.
Even Roena said to me, ‘I thought your skin was the type where applying whitening agent (a mixture of powder in rose water with egg white foam, dried camphor powder, and lard. It whitens the skin) wouldn’t help,’ so there’s no need to mention the attitudes of others.
But after my stepfather’s death, when I took control of the mansion and learned about the existence of the ‘whitening agent,’ and started diligently grooming my appearance through it, my skin became surprisingly white. To the extent of rivaling Roena’s.
