Episode 3
A disgusting time with waves of emotion rippling was passing. My stepfather looked at me in surprise, as if my display of perfect aristocratic dining etiquette was unexpected.
Compared to my mother, who was a bit clumsy in choosing forks and knives according to the food, I was enjoying the meal excellently enough not to need anyone’s advice.
“Where did you learn it separately?”
I lied without changing my facial expression.
“I learned it by reading books. Um, was there any wrong behavior?”
“You mean you can read?”
“Yes. I like reading books.”
My mother asked me with a surprised expression.
“Sisse, when did you become able to read?”
I deliberately made a sad expression and bowed my head deeply. As if I had committed a great sin, mumbling my words, so as to buy everyone’s sympathy, like that.
“……I’m sorry for not telling you in advance, Mother. I learned the letters over the shoulder.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Our circumstances weren’t good. I didn’t want to see Mother hurt or suffer because of me. I’m sorry for deceiving you.”
My stepfather, as if interested, stroked his chin with his finger and asked me.
“How much can you read?”
“I can read most books. As long as it’s not a rare edition mixed with ancient languages.”
Astonishment appeared in my stepfather’s eyes. He was looking at me as if seeing a ‘genius’.
Well, mastering letters alone without a teacher and being able to read books is an achievement that can’t be accomplished with ordinary talent, so he couldn’t help but be surprised.
Of course, the real me is a dullard who doesn’t even dare to look at the ‘g’ of genius. But I can’t say ‘I learned it in my life before returning’, can I? It’s better to just let him misunderstand on his own.
“Impressive. But it seems better to learn properly, what do you think?”
I smiled brightly as if those words made me very happy.
“Yes. I want to.”
At that time, Roena interjected with a cheerful voice.
“Can I help?”
For a moment, it felt like my face would crumple. I clenched my fist and barely endured the rapidly rising intense emotions.
***
Roena had a very good reputation among people. Her kind tone and spotlessly clear smile made the other party have a good impression.
Sometimes she even received extreme praise that if an angel manifested, it would be like Roena. And most people who said that thought Roena was good.
Even I before returning had sometimes thought she was kind. Because some of the behaviors Roena showed contained ‘goodness’ to an incomprehensible degree.
The problem was that when you peel off one layer and examine her ‘goodness’, it stayed only at the level she could understand.
I still can’t forget. The gaze that looked at me puzzled during our first teatime when I couldn’t do like her.
She probably looked out of pity, but Roena didn’t know how much the other party gets hurt by such behavior.
An action that can be goodwill to herself, but from a third party’s perspective, how ridiculous it can appear, Roena truly didn’t realize.
Ah, the pure white goodness like an idiot!
Her gaze measuring the world by her own standards had more than enough to hurt everyone, but instead, it had a strange power to condemn those who couldn’t purely accept that favor.
For example, the strange phenomenon where only the opponent who couldn’t understand her kindness ends up becoming a narrow-minded person. I too was a victim of such goodwill.
Roena completely didn’t understand that because I was a newbie who hadn’t been in aristocratic society for long, I couldn’t easily do behaviors like hers. Without realizing that she herself was special.
The one who always suffered from the malice close to extreme idiocy was always me.
Because she was proficient in everything, the genius who couldn’t understand the mediocre always stuck out like a sharp stone. It was like something unpleasant that disrupts everyone’s order.
So I wanted to become a ‘nail’. I tried to become a hammer to shave and crumble her superior parts to make her the same as everyone. But I got exhausted on my own and collapsed.
Therefore, let’s not force the word ‘understanding’ on her anymore. Because it’s just painful for each other. Until she goes beyond thinking from her own standards, it won’t even be possible.
That is the same even now.
I barely endured the disgust that felt like my insides were turning over, and tried to refuse with a kind voice.
“I appreciate the kindness. But can I decline?”
“Why?”
I smiled brightly at Roena who was making a regretful expression and said.
“Because it will definitely be hard for each other.”
If we start learning together in one place, surely the past of old days will repeat. The hellish time of being compared to her face to face. I wasn’t prepared to face that again yet.
Roena quickly replied with a disappointed expression as if it was nonsense.
“That’s something you don’t know.”
“But you don’t know how to teach others. This isn’t an easy task.”
“Then, couldn’t I acquire it while helping Sisse?”
“Roena, do I have to speak honestly? Right now, I’m saying I don’t like it to you.”
Roena makes a visibly flustered expression. And rightly so, she who had always heard she was an angel whenever she bestowed kindness. When had she ever received such a direct refusal?
“I really want to help Sisse. Still no? Is it because you don’t trust me?”
“It’s not that. It’s just to prevent something that might happen in advance. Because the not-smart me will definitely make you sad and frustrated. No, I might make you angry. Then, people will point fingers saying that. That the incompetent stepsister came in and hurt the lady’s feelings. I don’t have the confidence to endure such treatment.”
As soon as my words ended, my mother let out a scream close to a lament and sniffled her nose. Imagining it, her face covering her cheek with her hand was pale blue. My stepfather said sternly with a firm expression.
“Who dares to say that! Don’t make yourself sad by imagining things that haven’t happened.”
“It’s not imagination.”
And I muttered like that. But since it was a sound loud enough to reach everyone’s ears, all gazes were directed at me.
“What makes you think it’s fact? Has someone hurt your feelings? Sisse, as your father, I swear that no one in this castle can dare to insult you.”
“I can tell just by the attitude of the maid serving me.”
For a moment, feeling thirsty, I stopped talking and drank a glass of cold water.
Everyone was watching my mouth. Thinking that a certain tension was flowing, I soon continued speaking calmly.
“The people who don’t even greet me when they see me and the cold water that came out for morning washing make me think one thing. That the people in the mansion don’t welcome me. If washing with cold water in the morning is common, please generously forgive my ignorance.”
“Is that true?”
“Yes, I swear to God.”
As soon as the words ended, my stepfather slammed the table hard, stood up, and shouted toward outside the door.
“Margo! Where is the head maid?!!”
Unable to believe it happened in his own house, my stepfather couldn’t control his rough breathing. Thinking that his adopted daughter was ignored by a maid from the first day, it seemed unbearable.
Especially, perhaps ashamed to see my mother, he couldn’t look at her properly. Wouldn’t he have whispered love saying he would make her happy only when she comes to him usually?
My mother’s expression was pale, and she looked like she would faint soon, dazed. My mother, unable to even imagine the insult her daughter must have suffered, pressed her chest with her hand and only repeated ‘Oh my God’.
“Goodness. Margo, are you okay? Why on earth did such a thing happen? I can’t believe it at all.”
“Roena, I don’t lie. Are you saying you can’t believe my words?”
“No, Margo, that’s not it…….”
I realized that Roena wanted to defend for the head maid named Margo. And rightly so, Margo was like a nanny who had been with her since she was young. After the previous countess died, she also served as a mother.
So, thinking that the head maid who always stood on her side and kindly took care of her was involved in such an unsavory incident, it seemed unbearable.
But Margo was kind only to Roena, and she was a nightmare itself to my mother and me, that old woman. This cunning fox, fearing that I would take away Roena’s things, used the maids following her to harass us.
She openly rebelled against my mother’s authority and shook the internal system, and with clever methods, she also messed up important events in the name of the countess. Of course, she tormented me by comparing me to Roena.
Because of her, my mother and I couldn’t receive respect from others.
So, I can’t watch Roena taking Margo’s side in front of me. I intentionally turned my head and showed an attitude of not wanting to talk. As if angry at my behavior, like that.
Margo arrived at the hall faster than expected. This stubborn old woman, as soon as she arrived at the hall, only politely greeted Roena and my stepfather. Ignoring me and my mother. Anger surged at that sight, but I endured it firmly. Because this isn’t the main part.
My stepfather, barely receiving Margo’s greeting, brought up the main point right away.
“Head maid, did you assign a maid to Sisse’s quarters?”
“Yes. What is the matter?”
“What is the matter? Is that something to ask me now? A maid insulted my daughter. How can such a thing happen in my house!”
“Insult? This is the first I’ve heard, master.”
“She brought cold water in a dirty brass basin for Sisse’s morning washing! Do you know how great the insult the child received?! How could you think of attaching a maid who doesn’t even know the basic manual to the young lady of the count family! What is this if not disregarding me!”
At my stepfather’s scolding, Margo’s face turns pale. She was trembling thinly, whether afraid of his scolding.
Surely, Margo must not have even dreamed of being questioned for such a thing.
What would a mere lowly commoner like me know about what the noble lady’s washing water is like? It’s an ordinary and natural daily life that doesn’t even make it to gossip.
So, she must have thought if everyone keeps their mouth shut, it won’t be revealed.
At that time, Roena stood up abruptly and took Margo’s side.
“Father, please listen to Margo’s words. There must be some misunderstanding! She’s the head maid who has excellently managed the maids without a single mistake so far. Right?”
As if waiting, I opened my mouth and agreed with Roena’s words.
“I agree with that too. How could the person in charge of the maids assign a maid who doesn’t know the basic manual to me? But there’s a part that’s a bit puzzling.”
“What is it?”
My stepfather asks. Instead of answering him, I asked Roena.
“Can I ask how many years the head maid has been working here?”
“Margo has been the head maid since I was born.”
“Oh, then it’s even more puzzling.”
“What are you trying to say?”
I withdrew my gaze from Roena, looked at my stepfather, and opened my mouth.
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By Anna 💓
