Chapter 16

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After the Duke departed, Ethan avoided Adel the entire time. She wanted to meet him and finish their conversation, but since he deliberately avoided her, there was no way to see him.

As always, Adel came to the dining room alone for breakfast.

Regardless of her mood, today again Herbron’s perfect weather spread out like a painting through the large windows of the dining room. The thought that she might not see this scenery for a long time made her heart heavy.

“The Count is coming.”

“What?”

The two had never once shared breakfast together. When Ethan had visited the estate like a guest rather than staying there, they had at least spent the evenings together as if entertaining, but after marrying him, they had rarely even sat across from each other, let alone shared meals.

When the head of the family appeared, the dining room grew busy. Watching this, Adel tried to act as usual, but her heart was afloat and her hands kept slipping as she handled the utensils.

Then, with a clatter, the knife she was holding fell to the floor. But in that moment, it felt as though a cold knife had dropped onto her chest, and her heart crumbled to pieces. And a faint laugh escaped her.

Had she truly been this lonely?

Enough to be this flustered simply because he had appeared at the breakfast table where she had always sat alone.

Adel let out a long sigh and scolded herself for her unnatural behavior. Then she straightened her posture. Surely he possessed countless blades sharp enough to carve deep wounds into her heart. Once seated, Ethan ordered all the food brought out at once and had everyone leave the dining room.

“You usually eat breakfast alone, don’t you? Shall I leave you in peace?”

“No, I came to be with you.”

Adel recalled the past, when he stayed on the estate only two months a year, and she had often sought him out to ask if they might share breakfast.

At such times, he had worn an expression as though looking at a creditor. And even then, Adel had realized that she could receive nothing from him beyond what he had already decided to repay.

“If you have business with me, please say it.”

So she did not believe he had come simply to share breakfast with her.

“If it is about Annaston’s punishment….”

“That, I will leave to your judgment. It is your domain, after all.”

For the first time since he entered the dining room, Adel met his eyes.

“Is that… truly all right?”

“Yes. And I came to apologize for what happened the other day.”

She had thought she had steeled her heart, but her heart kept beating irregularly. She could not believe this man was capable of being so meek toward her.

“What happened the other day…?”

“What you heard, and how I behaved afterward.”

Only then did Adel notice that the area beneath his eyes was hollow from lack of sleep.

“I am not sure exactly what you mean.”

“What I said about not being able to divorce you because of the dukedom. That came out without my meaning it because Anna pressed me. So that does not matter. The ducal title was never something I wanted in the first place. It was my father’s long-cherished wish.”

Adel could say nothing. That he would come out like this was in no category of her imagination.

“If you want to be certain, I can write you a document. A pledge that even after receiving the dukedom, I will not divorce you.”

‘Then what of Annaston?’

She did not ask, but he read the wavering in her eyes.

“I will talk to Anna properly so she understands. I will keep her as my mistress, but I will never take her as my second wife. Then Lewein will naturally become your son.”

Adel could say nothing and clenched her fist around the utensils. Then was everything going back to the way it was? To before she heard those words yesterday?

Then why did her chest feel so stifled?

“And I apologize for being rude to you and for saying things that made no sense. I did not mean to insult Her Highness the Crown Princess. When you suddenly brought up divorce, I panicked without meaning to….”

“I-I….”

“Adel, nothing will change between us. So you need not think about anything. And there is even less to worry about.”

He smiled sweetly. He had smiled at Adel occasionally, but never once so brightly as now. Seeing his face bathed in the sunlight that struck him so brightly, all of yesterday’s many resolutions felt like lies, and everything felt like a dream. He was the man she had loved for half her life.

As Adel sat unsure of what to do and kept silent, Ethan handed her a letter.

“A messenger came from the imperial palace.”

It seemed the letter had arrived while she was inspecting the estate. Her heart pounded, wondering if it was news of her sister.

“It is a letter from the Crown Princess formally inviting you.”

Only then did Adel understand why Ethan, who had been avoiding her all this time, had come to find her. It was an official invitation from the imperial palace, of all places. There was no way she could refuse.

“I must prepare to go to the capital.”

“Yes, you must.”

Adel grew urgent and set down the utensils she was holding. Then Ethan gently took her hand and held it.

“Then… the divorce?”

At the word divorce, Adel’s movements stopped at once.

“I did not know… that was a matter where I had a choice.”

“Adel, answer me.”

“In any case, if you do not write the divorce papers, there is nothing I can do. Right now, I want to see my sister first.”

When Adel gave no clear answer, Ethan wiped the smile from his face. Then he straightened the body he had leaned slightly forward. But strangely, once he withdrew his smile, she could realize how desperate his smile had been.

“Very well, do that. But you must not leave the estate empty for too long.”

“I will.”

Since she had nowhere to stay even if she went to the capital, she would probably have to meet her sister and come straight back to the estate. She thought things were turning strange, but Adel, who had nowhere to go, might have been feeling a little relieved without knowing it.

After the difficult breakfast, Adel returned to her room, and he went off to the harshest forest on the estate, leading the family’s knights, saying he would hunt early.

“Madam, shall I bring tea?”

“No, call Ben for me.”

Adel called Ben to give instructions on the matters she needed to handle before leaving the estate in three days. Naturally, she should have called Hank, the family’s aide, but for relatively simple matters, instructing only Ben would cause no problems. She tried to calm her heart, which kept fluttering at the thought of meeting her sister. When the heart is restless, mistakes happen.

“I will handle it as you have instructed.”

“Yes. And later, I have work to do in the Count’s office.”

While Ethan had not stayed on the estate, Adel had used the Count’s office. Since his return, she had rarely entered that room, but even so, it was not strange for her to go in and out of it.

“Please do so. Is there anything else you would like me to have done separately?”

When she nodded, Ben hurried out of the room.

After telling Susan to prepare for the journey to the capital, Adel soon entered Ethan’s office. The desk was so large that when she had first sat at it at fifteen, her feet had not even reached the floor.

‘The scholarship certificate should be somewhere around here….’

In case of any unforeseen circumstances, Adel had decided to prepare in advance the scholarship certificate she intended to give to Jackson’s son before leaving. But the certificate was not in the place where she had gathered and kept her documents. Perhaps its location had changed greatly while Ethan used the office.

Since private expenditures by the ruling family had to be documented and proven individually, she headed toward Ethan’s desk.

But when she opened the last drawer, she had no choice but to stop for a moment. There, piled full, were the letters Adel had sent to Ethan.

She had thought she had sent many, but seeing how many there were, she blushed.

‘Why so many…. I had no shame, did I.’

Feeling a little nostalgic for those days, she let out a faint laugh and picked up one letter covered in floral patterns. But soon she noticed something strange. Startled, she picked up other letters. But they were the same.

“Ha, truly.”

Her letters had never been opened.

Adel sat down in the chair as if collapsing, still holding the letters. And she found the source of the stifling feeling that had begun after meeting Ethan that morning.

She was not all right. Even if everything returned to the way it was, nothing about her was all right. That she would not hate him had been nothing but self-deception.

To Ethan, Adel was exactly these letters.

The obvious, predictable person whose contents could be known without opening them.

A worthless feeling not even worth unfolding.

And yet the hypocrisy of his that could not be discarded.

Adel slowly opened a letter. And she saw the handwriting of her childhood.

The stories spilled out over her trembling hands were trivial. Talk of the weather, talk of the estate’s people, talk of a cat she had seen on the road. But the feeling alone had not been trivial.

I miss you. I miss you.

Written at the end of every sentence was the desperate heart of a child with nowhere to lean. Remembering the fluttering heart she had felt throughout writing the letters, Adel found herself ridiculous and smiled a twisted smile at herself.