Chapter 91
It was dizzying.
Agnes could not understand why Lionel was before her eyes.
With the boundary between reality and dream blurrily entangled, the inside of her head spun slowly round and round.
While asleep, Agnes had dreamed a very long dream.
An endlessly continuing, inescapable dream.
In that dream, Lionel poured sharp criticism toward the Bardo trading company and toward Agnes.
Even though he spoke affectionately like a warm sun at first, he turned into a deathly cold face in an instant.
And without leaving any lingering regret in the end, he abandoned Agnes.
Trapped in the dream, Agnes screamed at first until her throat was about to rip apart. That it was not me who caused Rael, your brother, to die.
That I was going to you, and I was moving to help you and your brother.
But the dream did not answer.
The same scene, the same words, the same ending merely repeated like a treadmill.
After experiencing the same dream several times like that, Agnes’s thoughts gradually leaned in a different direction.
Would it not become easier if she just admitted it.
There had been such a time in the past as well.
The day Chloe broke the vase that their father cherished and carelessly pinned it on her.
When she brought up the words that she was not the one who did it, what returned was Adrian’s hand-striking.
In the end, Agnes had to bow her head. That it was correct that she broke the vase, that she was sorry. Only then did the whipping stop.
After that, it was similar.
Chloe’s mistakes were always her share, and speaking of her unfairness gradually decreased.
Because doing so was the easiest and fastest way to evade Adrian’s wrath.
Yes, let us do as I always did.
Let us make it my fault.
And so, Agnes finally apologized inside the dream.
‘…I am sorry. Because I chose that road of all places, the supplies could not be delivered, and I caused your brother to die.’
If he was not going to believe whatever words she said, it felt as though telling the truth the other person wanted instead would be the only way to escape this nightmare.
Returning to reality, Agnes’s breathing grew increasingly rapid.
Her airway seemed to tighten, and the intervals of her breaths shortened.
At that moment, Lionel’s voice was heard within the darkness.
“With what thought on earth did you not evade? Do you even know how dangerous of a situation you were in?”
Whether it was a word containing worry or a scolding, Agnes could not distinguish.
The bedroom was dark, and Lionel’s face was not well visible.
Instead, the figure of Lionel abandoning her like an old object that had finished its use inside the dream merely overlapped and appeared.
Agnes’s body shrank reflexively.
Agnes wrapped her head with both hands and curled her body as small as possible.
“Why, why did I—,”
“Never again such a reckless deed, ……Agnes?”
Lionel, perceiving that Agnes’s condition was strange, reached out his hand.
Then, just like in the sewer, Agnes drew her body back hastily while inhaling a large breath.
The startled Lionel’s hand stopped in the air, leaving a slight gap with Agnes.
Agnes was not in a clear enough state to be considerate of Lionel.
‘For what reason am I in Lionel’s bedroom?’
What did I see before losing consciousness?
It seemed that the Imperial Army had swarmed into the sewer.
Was it the Black Iron Knights? No. Was it the Capital Defense Guard?
Her thoughts were not organized.
Even amidst that, the strong fear she felt right before fainting was rushing in once again.
Agnes curled the hands wrapping her head even tighter.
“Ah…… ugh…….”
Her entire body trembled severely.
From head to toe, an unexplainable dread rushed in all at once.
The bed turned into a vast cliff, making it feel as if she would fall below at any moment.
She wanted to flee, but her body did not listen to her words.
Inside her head, the accident scene was replayed continuously.
She wanted to stop it.
These thoughts, the scenes.
Because it was so painful, whatever it might be was fine, she wished these sensations would all divert to another place entirely.
Would the stray thoughts cut off if it were rather painful.
Agnes, in her subconscious, curled her hands roundly and tried to strike her own head.
If she did not do even that, she could not control the thoughts that spread out at will.
At that unexpected behavior, Lionel kicked back his chair and stood up.
Crash—!
The wooden chair rolled on the floor carelessly, but Lionel did not even glance at it and tried to soothe Agnes straight away.
“It is alright, Agnes. Everything is alright now, the thing threatening you is not here. So calm down!”
However, even at Lionel’s words, Agnes could not calm down.
She was afraid.
Of Lionel. Of this situation. Of everything surrounding her.
At the very juncture when Agnes’s small fist was about to collide with her head.
Lionel hastily caught Agnes’s fist, wrapping it with his hand.
In order to block Agnes from harming herself.
“Why are you being like this, why on earth……! Look at me, Agnes. Look at me!”
“Let me go… please, please…… sob!”
Along with a voice mixed with crying, a cough burst out from Agnes once again.
Only then did Lionel realize that the situation was not ordinary.
Lest Agnes would cough up blood mixed in yet again just like in the sewer, he suddenly grew terrified and his voice became loud.
“Damn…… doctor. Bring the doctor, right now!”
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Lionel, who came outside, could not easily leave the front of the bedroom door.
He moved a few steps then stopped again, and trying to move his feet once more, he paced around just like that.
With the inside and outside divided with a single door between them, he could not move like a person whose feet were tied to that boundary.
Even when the old doctor came running hurriedly after hearing the commotion of the middle of the night, Lionel did not vacate his spot.
However, Agnes was not easily calmed, and the old doctor eventually sent out the people who were inside the room one by one.
Included in that, of course, was Lionel as well.
He did not want to leave Agnes’s side, but it was because for some reason, his presence seemed to stimulate Agnes even more.
“……Damn it.”
Lionel covered above his eyes with his large hand.
He had thought that when Agnes opened her eyes, he should hand her water first. Telling her to quench her dry throat and compose her breath for a moment.
And after that, he intended to speak.
Do you know what kind of dangerous situation you were in. That you might never have been able to return for good. What were you planning to do if it truly turned out that way.
An apology was also a thought.
Regarding having wounded Agnes due to his misunderstanding in the meantime.
However, Agnes’s reaction destroyed all those plans in an instant.
Lionel’s hand trembled minutely.
Even when he rescued the kidnapped Agnes, he had faintly felt that Agnes was rejecting him.
He had merely dismissed it as an illusion created amidst extreme tension back then, though……
It was not.
Agnes was clearly avoiding his touch.
That fact only now approached clearly.
The question he had been trying hard to turn away from slowly raised its head.
Could it be that his mistake was truly irreversible.
“No.”
Lionel muttered lowly and clenched his teeth.
It can be corrected. It can be reversed.
Lionel put his trembling hand into his pocket and gripped it tightly. In order to maintain composure.
After a while, the door opened and the old doctor came out.
“The Duchess has calmed down now. It seems she was startled by the sudden change in environment.”
“……Is that so.”
“What is more of a problem than that is the point that through experiencing this incident, the lady’s respiratory system has weakened much more than expected.”
Lionel stopped while trying to exhale a breath of relief.
The old doctor continued his words.
“Cold air or an environment that places a strain on the body must be avoided as much as possible.”
“……Until when.”
“Probably continuously in the future…… you will have to manage it.”
“…….”
Those words meant that the time Agnes had endured left traces even to the depths of her mind.
Lionel could not make any reply.
Lest even saying that he understood would sound too light.
He had no choice but to face it with mere silence.
The weight of the sin he had to pay for.
☆☆☆
“—Even a light cold can be fatal to the lady. First, eating well too—,”
Listening to the story of the old doctor faintly heard through the cracked open gap of the door, Agnes quietly repeated inhaling and exhaling breath.
Only after her breath settled and the pain tightening her chest slackened a little could Agnes barely perceive reality.
Without a doubt, this place inside the Duke’s mansion, Lionel’s room, was correct.
She had also just heard the talk that Lionel had searched around for her like crazy.
It was said that he personally found and rescued her who was held captive, and brought her straight to this place.
In the meantime, Nora’s atrocities were revealed.
Along with the story that Nora and all the servants who followed her were dismissed from the Duke’s mansion.
‘How did I react upon hearing that talk.’
Did I nod my head?
It also seemed that I showed no reaction at all.
Her memory was not distinct.
Agnes’s gaze merely remained on the fireplace crackling and burning in the middle of the bedroom.
The flames were stable, and the temperature inside the room was appropriate, neither excessive nor lacking.
Exactly as if someone had meticulously calculated and adjusted it.
Even so, Agnes’s body kept trembling.
Whether it was because the damp and cold air of the sewer had already permeated deep into her very bones, a chilly energy rose without reason from her injured leg and near her chest.
Even if she was covered with the blanket, even if warmth reached her, that trembling did not easily stop.
“For what reason…….”
Did Lionel bring her back to this place.
Could it be that another use had arisen for her.
A reason like being a waste to discard right away, something that can be used at least one more time.
Well, since an object right before being discarded can also be picked up again depending on necessity. It was not an entirely impossible deduction.
When her thoughts reached that far, an unexplainable helplessness settled over her chest.
“I……”
Agnes inhaled a small breath.
“Cannot even leave this place at my own will.”
The words clearly came out from her own mouth, but the emotion that sentence pointed to felt as if it were in some distant place.
Her body was still trembling, but her mind was strangely numb.
It was as if a single strand of nerve had been snapped cleanly off.
When she held her breath behind the door of the Knights Order and listened to Lionel’s voice, it was so painful, and she felt as if she would truly die from being unable to breathe.
Now, even the pain of that time was not distinct.
Her body, having suffered a major illness once, was failing to react properly like before.
Exactly like her ruined right leg.
As if it had broken down somewhere irreversibly.
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