Chapter 35

Chapter 35

It rained that night.

Even when I lived at my family home, I had never once felt that my room was too small. But the rooms in the prince’s residence were larger than those at my family home, and the bedchamber in the Eastern Palace was larger still.

Trying to fall asleep in such a vast, dark room proved difficult.

Perhaps it was because I was sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, but I was also afraid of thunder. It was one of the few things in this world that frightened me, despite how little else I feared.

The sound of rain was fine. On its own, it sounded like a melody played by raindrops across the heavens. But whenever thunder broke through the patter of rain, my entire body would stiffen.

I didn’t know when I had first become afraid of thunder.

There hadn’t been any particular incident that had caused it. According to my mother, I had been like this ever since I was little.

As thunder growled like a tiger, I buried my head beneath the blankets and trembled.

It seemed my husband had no intention of visiting me tonight. Because of what had happened around dusk, I was a little reluctant to face him as well, but right now, I wished more than anything that someone would stay by my side.

Since it was my first night in the palace, I had naturally assumed he would come to my bedchamber as he usually did. But nothing in this world was guaranteed.

I had foolishly forgotten that obvious truth: nothing was ever guaranteed.

The fact that he came to my bedchamber at all was practically a miracle, so why had I already grown accustomed to it?

Whenever I lay in bed, he was always beside me. Tonight, however, the reality of his cold indifference hurt more than it made me feel betrayed.

‘Could he be holding another woman in his arms right now? I saw several beautiful court ladies in the palace today. There have been countless women throughout history who entered the palace as court ladies and eventually became favored consorts…….’

It was not uncommon for the daughters of low-ranking officials or the young women of once-prominent families fallen on hard times to enter the palace as court ladies, hoping to strengthen their families’ influence.

Once they entered the palace, it was exceedingly difficult to leave. To those court ladies, a man of the imperial family like my husband must have seemed like a lifeline that could save them from their circumstances.

Perhaps my husband might grant one of them such favor, too. And what if a court lady who won his affection gave birth to his first son before I did?

What if time passed and I still had no good news? What if I was infertile?

Even imagining such things was horrifying. I needed to produce an heir soon if I wanted these fears to disappear. Though I hadn’t been married for long, we had spent countless nights together, yet there was still no sign of a pregnancy.

They said that even when neither husband nor wife had anything physically wrong with them, conception could still fail to occur.

The blessing of a child was not granted to everyone, after all, and there was no guarantee that I would be fortunate enough to receive it.

‘Grandmother Samsin, please bless me with a child soon…….’

Once again, thunder boomed, making the heavens tremble. I curled up in a corner of the bed, hugged my knees, and sniffled.

The thunder was frightening, but I felt that the cruel reality of my situation was even more terrifying.

I trembled and squeezed my eyes shut for a long while, trying to fall asleep, but sleep remained far beyond my reach.

“Why aren’t you coming, Ryu Hyeok…….”

Since I was alone anyway, I allowed myself to murmur his name.

Surely I could at least say someone’s name as I pleased when no one was around. If someone had been beside me, I would have been in serious trouble for daring to utter the Crown Prince’s personal name, but it was all right now.

Or so I thought.

“What did you say?”

At the sudden, familiar voice that pierced my ears, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I froze like a statue, still trembling beneath the blankets.

Someone’s hand slowly pulled back the covers over my head.

I was glad to see the face I had been longing for, but it seemed I had inadvertently gotten myself into trouble.

“I let it slide when you occasionally spoke to me informally, but now you’ve gone so far as to say my name outright. Just how bold have you become?”

The room was dark, so I couldn’t make out his expression. From his voice alone, he didn’t seem particularly angry, but how could I possibly discern someone’s true feelings from their voice alone?

Just then, thunder struck again.

“Eek……!”

With an embarrassing little squeal, I threw myself into his arms.

‘Ah, he’s warm…….’

My husband’s body temperature was always slightly higher than mine. I did tend to be unusually cold, but it was also true that he was warmer than most people.

His hand gently stroked down my back. By now, having him touch me felt as natural as breathing.

It seemed I had grown completely accustomed to this comfort.

“Are you afraid of thunder?”

I vigorously nodded instead of answering, and he let out a low chuckle.

“Such a child.”

He caught a strand of my hair that had fallen over my shoulder and idly twirled it between his fingers.

“You’ve already taken out all your hair ornaments, even though I haven’t come yet.”

“You were lying! I heard everything from the court ladies. Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was?”

I had wholeheartedly believed his claim that I wasn’t allowed to remove my jewelry even when sleeping, unless it was a night we would be sharing a bed.

When the court ladies came to help me change into my nightclothes and tried to remove my hair ornaments, I repeated his words to them, only to become the subject of their laughter.

“Your Highness is a liar. You trick me every single time. I hate it. You made me look ridiculous in front of the servants.”

“If they thought so little of you, then I suppose I ought to have them brought here, given each a hundred strokes of the cane, and driven out of the palace. Do you remember their faces?”

“How can you say something so cruel! Just how wicked are you trying to make me look……?”

“Didn’t you say you were prepared to become as wicked as necessary?”

“I never said I would become wicked by making innocent people suffer needlessly. You’re the one who did something wrong in the first place, Your Highness, so why are you trying to punish the court ladies who had nothing to do with it?”

I found myself speaking excitedly without even realizing it. Safe in his arms, the thunder no longer seemed quite as frightening.

“So, why did you call my name earlier?”

I had hoped to casually steer the conversation elsewhere, but apparently, he had no intention of letting it go. If he decided to make an issue of this, I would truly be in trouble.

The unfair part was that he could call me by my name without any consequences, whereas my doing the same to him would be a breach of etiquette.

“……You call me by my name, too, Your Highness.”

“Does that mean you think yourself my equal?”

I rested my cheek against his chest. The strong, steady beat of his heart sounded louder than the rain.

“……Do you dislike me, Your Highness? Have you grown tired of me? Do you want to scold me?”

“You’ve asked three questions at once. I don’t know which one to answer first.”

“All of them…….”

“If I call you by your name, do you dislike me? Does it make you lose affection for me? Or does it make you want to scold me?”

“No, not at all.”

If anything, I liked it when he called me by my name.

Most women lost their names once they married. More often than not, they were addressed as someone’s wife or someone’s mother.

But he always called me by my name.

I liked it because it made me feel that, before I was anyone’s wife, I was still able to retain my identity as ‘me’. It made me feel respected.

The world saw me only as his consort, but whenever I was with him, I was simply ‘Yu Hwacheon’.

I didn’t know whether he called me by my name with this consideration in mind, but either way, it made me happy.

“I like it when you call me by my name, Your Highness.”

“I feel the same way.”

I looked up at him in surprise. Even in the darkness, his moist eyes glimmered faintly. He looked a little like an owl, or perhaps a tiger.

“But if I call you that in front of others, they’ll all accuse you of lacking virtue.”

“……I know.”

“So save your name for when it’s just the two of us.”

“I don’t want to. I won’t call you by your name, even when we’re alone. Earlier, it just…… slipped out before I realized it.”

“It’s a little disappointing to hear that it was the last time.”

I shifted into a more comfortable position and wrapped my arms around his neck. Surely I could indulge in this much affection.

“I thought you weren’t coming tonight.”

“What made you think that?”

“There are so many court ladies in the palace…… You don’t have to come looking for me in particular.”

“By that logic, there are plenty of eunuchs in the palace, too. You don’t have to come looking for me in particular, do you?”

“Your Highness, are you teasing me right now?”

We met each other’s gaze, relying on the faint moonlight.

“No matter how many women there are in the palace.”

“…….”

“I have only one consort, and that’s you.”

“……That remains to be seen.”

I didn’t want to argue about this any longer.

So, to continue the conversation no further, I pressed my lips against his, which had parted ever so slightly. I swallowed his every breath and made it my own.

That night, I had a happy dream.