Chapter 45 · Irreversible Love

It had been a while since I had seen Paeon look like a demon king. Behind him, furious beyond measure, black aura seemed to billow up like clouds. Hoo, he truly didn’t look like a priest. Most temple folk are merciful and gentle!

“Where on earth have you been and what have you been doing all this time?”

He asked in a voice so low it sent chills down my spine.

“Well… I fell into the bushes behind the royal palace. It took me ages to find my way here.”

I answered hesitantly, watching his reaction carefully.

“I saw you coming out of the greenhouse garden.”

Damn it! Of all things to get caught on.

“Uh… um… actually, I got lost in the bushes and used portal magic again, and ended up over there.”

What a clumsy excuse, hastily glossed over. Boo hoo. I felt like I’d just poured oil on his anger.

“Why did you lie?”

“B-because, if I told you I failed at portal magic and then used it again, you’d be angry…”

“And you knew that!”

He shouted so loudly that veins bulged in his neck, and I shrank back in fear.

Ugh… Don’t scold me so harshly like you’re dealing with a knight order member! I’m still a delicate child!

“Still, it’s a relief, right? I didn’t fall somewhere strange!”

I brushed the leaves from my hair and tried to make light of it.

“I heard Dean Roktania tried to stop you. He said it was dangerous magic and not yet time for the princess to learn it.”

“Mm… it really was difficult. Hehe.”

“And yet you insisted? When you can’t even do it properly!”

I flared up for a moment, about to say that my failure was all because of Stella, and that I had succeeded perfectly the next time, but I shut my mouth. It seemed better not to let anyone know yet that I had perfectly succeeded at portal magic.

Instead of answering, I threw myself at Paeon. My height still barely reached his waist, so I could only just cling to his solid thigh.

“W-what are you doing!”

Paeon was startled and tensed his legs to drop me.

“Papa~ Don’t be angry. They say you get sick if you get angry. I’m safe, aren’t I?”

I clung desperately to him and acted cute.

“…”

He glared at me, panting.

I had figured out around age seven that Paeon was weak to this kind of cuteness. Even when I was four, he had been so averse to my hugs that I thought he hated skinship, but he was just too flustered.

Well, no matter how much he’s a cold-blooded man with no blood or tears, he couldn’t withstand a cuteness attack that synergizes with my lovely appearance. It’s just a guess, but didn’t he love Princess Beatrice? No matter how much he hates me, my appearance is exactly like hers, so any fight with him can only end in my victory.

As expected, Paeon seemed to lose his will to be angry at my tearful eyes and sighed.

“…Apologize to Dean Roktania. He’s advanced in years and nearly collapsed from worrying about the princess.”

“Yeah! I’ll go right now!”

‘If I didn’t resemble him even in the face, it would have been a disaster, really.’

“And absolutely, don’t even think about attempting portal magic again.”

I knew it. Sorry, but I have no intention of doing that. I am going to become a master of this magic! It’s dangerous, but they do say high risk, high return, don’t they?

“Yeah yeah, Papa! I’ll never do it! Promise!”

As I rubbed my face against his thigh and answered, Paeon stared at me blankly, then repeatedly clenched and unclenched his hands. Seeing that reminded me of the boy I’d seen earlier, and I burst out laughing. The more I thought about it, the more he seemed like Paeon.

“…Why are you laughing?”

“Nothing, just someone came to mind…”

I pulled away from Paeon and covered my mouth, giggling. He looked bewildered.

‘Hmm, what should I do about that child.’

My laughter faded, and thinking of the tower made my heart heavy. If I left him be, Leo would someday be discovered by the royal knights and chased, and then he would panic and fire off curses, causing an accident, and in the end he wouldn’t be able to avoid punishment.

And it would escalate into a very complicated diplomatic issue. No matter that he’s a hostage, he’s still the prince of a nation, isn’t he? And the First Prince with succession rights at that.

‘Wait, what do I care about Santra’s diplomacy?’

I just needed to make sure I didn’t get caught up in that accident, didn’t I?

‘But I can’t just leave him alone either.’

No, why am I sticking my nose in again? Didn’t I say I’d never get involved in someone else’s fate? I fell into confusion, asking and answering myself in my head.

‘In the first place, no matter that he’s a hostage, how can they treat a prince like that? Are they insane?!’

Even if they couldn’t treat him lavishly, couldn’t they at least feed him well, dress him well, and let him stay somewhere clean? This was child abuse!

‘Everyone hates Kalisa so much, they must think they’ve caught a big fish and are tormenting him.’

I didn’t have any bone-deep hatred toward Kalisa, so I just felt sorry for the boy. What sin did a child commit?

‘…Come to think of it, the herb of life grew in the desert regions of Kalisa.’

That clever boy might not know how to cultivate it, but at least he could explain what the climate and environment of Kalisa’s desert regions are like. But he wouldn’t just tell me if I asked, so I’d have to coax him. He must be lonely, so if I worked hard to win him over, he might open his heart.

‘I’m using him, using him. It’s not meddling.’

I repeated this to myself internally, and pondered how I could use portal magic again without Paeon’s notice.

◇ ◆ ◇

A few days later.

I had filled my mana to the brim, secretly smuggled out lots of food behind the three priestesses’ backs, and packed some novels Leo might like to read. I had prepared thoroughly, considering both his physical and emotional needs.

Everything was perfect… but Paeon was acting strange.

“Um… Papa, what are you doing?”

“I am on guard.”

“…”

Until I turned six, because of the seizures and pain that could strike at any time, Paeon had to stick close to me all day. Even after I fell asleep, he would keep watching over me or doze on a cot the priestesses had prepared. As an aside, it was astonishing that he maintained his beauty without a single flaw despite living so haggardly.

And only when I turned seven could he escape the cot and sleep like a human in the next room. After that, he always returned to the next room after dinner, once the sun set. So why was he stubbornly staying in my room today?

“You’re watching me!”

I huffed, but he paid no mind and turned the pages of the scripture. Paeon sitting at the table with his legs slightly crossed, reading the scripture. It was truly a picture, and a sight that would make his noble lady fans collapse with nosebleeds, but still.

“Watching? I am reflecting on how I seem to have neglected my duties lately and am applying myself.”

“…”

I chewed on the blanket and glared at him.

“Please don’t mind me and do what you were doing.”

Good grief, how can I not mind! When you’re radiating presence like that! Even royal knights take turns guarding outside the door—they don’t sit boldly inside the room reading a book!

“I’m… going to write in my diary!”

I cried sharply. But he looked at me as if he didn’t understand.

“It’s a young girl’s privacy that must be protected, privacy!”

“Write as much as you like. I won’t even look your way.”

Ugh… When he wanted to abandon me and leave! How loathsome! I used my quill to write ‘Paeon idiot fool blockhead stubborn mule’ over and over until the diary page was black. After venting my anger with the pen, I quickly grew tired. I was already exhausted from training and lessons from morning to night today… Was that man really planning to hold out until I fell asleep?

Then there was no other way. I threw down my diary and quill and wriggled into bed.

“…Are you going to sleep?”

I didn’t answer and pulled the blanket up over my head. He should at least understand this was a sign of protest.

He rose, and turned off all the lights except the small candle on the table. The room quickly went dark. Then I heard him sit back down at the table. And the sound of pages turning, fwip.

‘…Surely he’ll leave once he thinks I’m asleep.’

But I had overlooked something. That I was still eight years old, at the age when sleep is most abundant. And that this bed was excessively soft and the blanket cozy. Sleep came rushing over me like crazy.

Ah, I can’t… I have to go to that tower… That boy must be alone even now…

◇ ◆ ◇

Clank.

Paeon, who had been reading the scripture, turned off the candle on the table and carefully rose. Taking care not to make a sound, he approached Anastasia’s bed, confirmed she was asleep, and sat at the foot of the bed.

She had fallen asleep with the blanket pulled up to her head, making it look uncomfortable to breathe. When he gently lowered the blanket, the brilliant moonlight streaming through the window poured over her face. She was already white all over, and in the moonlight she sparkled even more like a fairy.

As if bewitched, he lightly touched her white cheek, then hastily withdrew his hand as if he had been burned by a hot flame. And he sat quietly, gazing at her endlessly.

What happened a few days ago weighed on his mind. He had lost his temper with her again. When it came to her safety, he couldn’t hold back his anger. Anastasia resembled Princess Beatrice and had an overly reckless side. She didn’t hesitate to do things that risked her life.

‘…But I shouldn’t have done that.’

Yet no matter how angry he got, she always disarmed him with her angelic smile. He had enjoyed a terribly sweet joy over the past few years. He had watched his daughter grow from the closest possible place.

The day he first held her hand, the day she first played the piano for him, the day she first gave him a drawing saying she’d drawn Papa, the day she first lost a tooth… They were all such lovable memories that he had engraved them in his mind and recalled them endlessly.

‘I am a person who should not enjoy such joy…’

He had been making excuses to himself all this time. Because the princess was still in danger, because the king had given the order, and because the princess had burned the resignation letter…

A self-mocking hollow laugh escaped him. A burned resignation letter could simply be rewritten. It wouldn’t take even a minute. But he had not written a resignation letter once since then.

I’ll write it a day later. Just one more day, and one more day after that…

And three years passed just like that. And he realized: now, without seeing her, he couldn’t live even a single day.