Chapter 28

Chapter 28

I had no way to tame the jealousy boiling up inside me.

But why on earth should I be jealous? Come to think of it, I didn’t even love Prince Hye.

Even so, why did my chest burn so, why was I reacting so sensitively? I simply could not make sense of my own behavior.

In the end, I settled my feelings by telling myself that although I did not love Prince Hye as a man, I had trusted him as a husband, and that was why I felt betrayed.

It was too full of bitterness to dismiss as mere betrayal, but if you try to weigh too much, you only end up hurt.

Sometimes it was better to cover things over, leaving them unknown and uncertain. So this had to be betrayal.

“Your father tried to marry the dumpling girl off to me.”

At those words, my steps stopped short.

It was not something I hadn’t expected. But however much I had guessed, hearing it from Prince Hye’s own mouth sent my emotions into uncontrollable turmoil.

My legs went weak, and I felt I might collapse on the spot. What on earth did he intend by bringing this up with me?

Prince Hye strolled over with his hands clasped behind his back and came to stand right in front of me.

That beautiful face smiled at me. Just then, plum blossom petals fluttering in the wind scattered with a rustle.

Standing with his back to the falling plum blossoms, he looked like an immortal.

“…So, what did you say?”

“What do you think I said?”

He looked at me with bright, expectant eyes awaiting a reaction, and it was ridiculous.

Prince Hye seemed to find it simply amusing that I was flaring up in anger. I hated that carefree attitude of his, the way he played with me as if I were in the palm of his hand.

He did not seem to take our relationship seriously at all. Then again, to him I was probably no more than a tool for producing an heir.

What did this man take a woman’s heart for, anyway? I was too upset to bear it.

“Do as you please.”

“Truly?”

Perhaps it was not the reaction he had expected, for he asked back with a hint of disappointment.

“Men all do as they please anyway, don’t they! If they were the sort who could be stopped just because their wives objected, would the world be in this state!”

I shouted without meaning to.

I knew nothing good came of being this emotional. I also knew the principle that one must respond rationally and objectively in order to beat an opponent.

But understanding and doing were entirely different matters.

I was still clumsy in dealing with people and unskilled at gaining the upper hand in a relationship. I was far too faithful to my feelings.

Once I was swept away by a great emotion, my mind was overwhelmed and even my body was seized by it. My heart would not obey me.

I wanted to stay calm and rattle off schemes in my head for bringing him down, but it would not work.

“You think men all do as they please? Then why does the word ‘henpecked husband’ exist?”

“If every man in the world were terrified of his wife, the world would have become a paradise on earth long ago!”

I thought he had no reason to turn Hwaryeong down. The reason was simple: Hwaryeong was pretty.

She was pretty beyond any comparison with me, and I knew it well. My looks could not come close to her toes.

In the end, he would be taken from me. He would cease to be mine alone.

The gaze and the touch that had been directed at me would be shared with another woman. He would not even visit my chamber anymore.

“Hwacheon, you must be quite fond of me. Am I right?”

“…Nonsense.”

“Aren’t tears coming of their own accord? At the thought of your husband being taken, your heart crumbles. It’s all because you like me. Isn’t that so?”

“Who’s crying! I’m not crying!”

I spoke boldly, but soon burst into loud sobs.

Then, ashamed to be wailing in front of that carefree man, I somehow swallowed my tears and started walking again.

“Where are you going?”

I had no destination. There was nowhere I wanted to go. I only thought that I had to get away from this place, from Prince Hye’s residence.

I had no strength left to endure. I hated my constantly shifting emotions, and I hated admitting that the one controlling them was that man.

Yet as long as I was with him, I could not help but admit it. So I had to flee, to somewhere without him.

Wherever it was, if I could catch my breath there, perhaps these feelings would settle a little.

“I won’t take the dumpling girl as a secondary wife.”

At those words, my steps faltered slightly. But I pretended not to hear and kept walking.

The servants sweeping the yard saw me and Prince Hye and bowed. I covered my face with my sleeve so they would not see my tears.

“I said I won’t take her as a secondary wife.”

Before I knew it, I had walked out of Prince Hye’s residence. All that time, he had neither seized my wrist nor forced me to stop, but he followed doggedly behind me, speaking to me.

I no longer wanted to torment myself over whether he took Hwaryeong as a concubine or not.

I wanted to give up everything. I wasn’t even angry. I just wanted to quit.

“Your Highness.”

“Yes?”

Prince Hye, who had been dutifully tailing me, answered immediately.

“Which hurts less, hanging oneself or drinking poison?”

“I have never hanged myself nor drunk poison, so how would I know?”

“Poison is probably better, isn’t it? I hear the imperial house bestows poisoned wine or a poison draught when killing criminals. Where does one get such a thing? Can it be obtained in private households too?”

“You cannot die.”

“Don’t give me an answer to a different question. I am asking you right now.”

Prince Hye’s hand fiddled with my cheek. His touch was unhesitating, like kneading glutinous rice cake.

Calluses had formed on his fingers, and when that hardness touched my tender skin, it felt slightly rough. His face was so fine, yet his hands were thoroughly coarse.

“I told you I won’t take her as a secondary wife, so I don’t understand why you are sulking and talking of dying. You are not a goldfish, so how can you be so quick to want to die?”

“Nothing in this world is easy. I am not trying to die easily. It is simply that striving not to die has become too exhausting, and I only mean to leave when it is time to leave. And you promised to look after my mother if I die.”

He gazed at my face as if thinking something over, then suddenly kissed me on the lips.

This was not even the inside of Prince Hye’s residence but a street where passersby came and went, and what a shameless act it was! What would people think if they saw?

“You mustn’t do this! People will curse us!”

“Let them curse.”

It was always like this. He could simply avoid doing things that invite curses, yet he insisted on doing them. Since no one would curse him openly to his face, he was so full of swagger.

“Am I not even allowed to kiss my own wife as I please?”

“No! If a person lived doing whatever he wanted, would that be a person or a beast?”

“Lecturing your husband point by point, how unseemly.”

However unseemly I might be, I could never match him.

“Hwacheon, you cannot die. If you hang yourself, I will pull you down again, and if you drink poison, I will make you drink the antidote. If you throw yourself in water, I will pull you out, and if you slit your wrists, I will see to it that you are treated. Unless I permit it, you can never die. So put aside your dream of death. Until your body grows old and reaches its appointed span, you will not enjoy the rest of death.”

“I cannot even do as I please with my own life?”

“That’s right. You cannot do as you please even with your own life. You cannot choose at will anything that makes you who you are. Your life, your gaze, even your breath are all mine, and solely my share. They are within my grasp.”

Unable to contain my fury, I stamped my feet. Still not appeased, I spun around in place to calm the indignation rising within me.

Prince Hye did not stop me and simply watched in silence.

“Then what in this world is mine? If even my life is not mine, what is left to me…”

He drew my hand and laid it on his chest.

“Don’t you have me?”

“…What are you on about.”

My true feelings slipped out before I knew it.

“…I beg your pardon.”

“Every day with you is astonishing to me. A continuous wonder. It’s absurd enough that someone talks back to me, but to drop formal speech as well. You seem to have no respect for your husband at all.”

“But Your Highness said something strange… How can Your Highness become mine?”

“Then whose am I? You tell me.”

“Your Highness belongs to the world. You are to be master of all under heaven, so you are not someone one individual can possess privately.”

All the people looked to him alone. He was destined to be the father of ten thousand, and the future of this vast empire rested on his shoulders.

This man had borne that immense pressure all his life, and treated the burden as a natural fate, as if it were nothing.

“Alone I am the honored one, above heaven and below” . Was there any phrase that described this man better?

“If I said that one individual could possess this body privately, would your heart be a little more at ease?”

So saying, he kissed the tip of my finger. He looked like a steward pledging loyalty to his lord.

It was cringe-inducing. This man was remarkably good at saying and doing such embarrassing things.

“Come to think of it, Your Highness is very fond of kissing.”

“Since I quit smoking, my mouth has been terribly idle, and this suits it perfectly.”

He couldn’t possibly mean it anyway…