Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Ryu Hyeok let out a soft huff of laughter and asked.

“But how do you intend to confirm whether I’ve won her heart or not?”

“When my future sister-in-law tells you, with her own mouth, that she loves you. But you must never force her to say it, and you mustn’t lay the groundwork by declaring your love first. When a husband says he loves her, women usually reply in kind, if only out of courtesy.”

“You’re plotting quite an amusing game.”

“And don’t make it up if my sister-in-law hasn’t said she loves you. That would be too petty. Of course, I know you would never do anything so petty.”

“Ha!”

“As for the stakes, the loser treats the winner to a lavish table of drinks.”

Ryu Hyeok clicked his tongue.

That the two of them were making such a vulgar wager on the eve of a marriage, a matter of the utmost importance in a person’s life, showed that neither could be called normal.

But what mattered was not whether it was normal or abnormal. It was whether it was fun or not. That was the crux of it.

Besides, if she turned out to be thoroughly worthless, he could simply cast her aside, wager or no wager.

There was no way anything shady could be hidden within Prince Hye’s grasp, and women were all much the same anyway.

Whomever he took as his wife, to him all women were alike. Every woman had a certain set of strengths and a certain set of flaws.

The only difference was whether the strengths outweighed the flaws, or the flaws outweighed the strengths.

“Brother. Somehow I have a feeling that I’m going to win this time.”

“You say that every time you bet, and you have lost every time.”

“This time is different, I swear! Truly!”

Ryu Hyeok laughed heartily and casually slung an arm around Ryu Jin’s shoulders.

There was no reserve or hesitation in the gesture. It was entirely natural. Feeling the weight of that arm, Ryu Jin unconsciously lifted his head and looked at his brother’s profile.

If he could resemble that face even by a quarter of a quarter, he felt he would have no regrets in life.

Of course, he knew better than anyone that such a miracle would never happen. That made it feel all the more distant.

Ryu Jin liked having a brother like this. Whenever he walked beside Ryu Hyeok, he found himself standing straighter for no reason.

Because the mere presence of his brother made even himself feel a little more presentable.

He smiled silently and savored this odd feeling for a moment.

“Get ready to set out the drinks.”

“That’s my line, Brother.”

Two lunatics of the imperial family smiled at each other. It wasn’t a particularly meaningful smile, but it was enough to make them look like brothers on good terms.

Seen from afar, it was quite a picturesque scene.

Everything, after all, is a comedy from a distance and a tragedy up close. These brothers were no different.

On the surface they were dazzling, respectable, and flawless, but scratch a little beneath it and it was pitch dark.

The saying “a showy apricot that is only good to look at” fit them perfectly.

Yet strangely, lunatics have a curious way of understanding one another. They nod at each other over things others can’t fathom, and grow closer precisely where they’ve gone astray.

The single shared trait of having strayed from the bounds of normality created an inexplicable solidarity between them.

Perhaps that was why the two had grown so close.

* * *

In the end, no miracle occurred, and without any mishap the day of my wedding to Prince Hye arrived.

If it was going to come to this, why had I prayed to all those gods, and why had I done the hundred and eight prostrations? If I hadn’t made any effort at all, at least I wouldn’t have felt so wronged.

Facing this result after pouring in so much effort made irritation well up in me.

‘Then again, when have the gods ever heard my prayers? Damn those petty gods. They must be petty gods, which is why they didn’t listen to me. Wait, could it be that I offended them by begging so many of them for so many things…? Would it have been different if I had served just one of them faithfully?’

What was the use of thinking that now? It was already too late for fate to change.

From before dawn, the bride had to prepare for her departure to her husband’s house.

All weddings in the Nakbyeon Empire began from the bride’s home, so I was still staying in our house.

No, I now had to call it not “our house” but “my natal home.”

Why was it that, however hard I tried to accept that fact, my heart simply wouldn’t allow it?

It had been a house full of gossip and trouble, but now that I was actually leaving it, an indescribable emptiness washed over me.

I had known I would marry someday. Marriage was like an unavoidable fate.

Especially for a daughter of a distinguished family. What use were daughters of distinguished families other than for marriage?

A woman could not sit the civil service examinations, so she could not become an official. How intelligent she was didn’t matter.

Even if she was sharper than most men, she could not obtain office with that remarkable mind.

‘In conclusion, we can’t even earn our own keep. It’s a hopeless life.’

Women marry to be granted a little freedom, yet marriage itself functions as an institution that suppresses women’s freedom.

Some women enjoy happiness, respected and loved by their husbands; some are beaten until they are nearly dead. Others burn inside because their husbands take concubines.

And in the face of those random outcomes, there is nothing we can do.

All we can do is hope. All we can do is fervently wish that our future husband will be a man of virtue.

In what way would my married life end? I didn’t even dare expect to be loved. Being beaten was no matter.

I had been beaten by Father whenever he had the chance, so now that role would merely pass to my husband.

‘I hear Prince Hye has a very imposing physique. It will surely hurt a good three times more than being hit by my father, that skinny, weasel-like man.’

What I feared and hated more than being beaten was concubines.

I had grown used to being beaten, but I had never grown used to having my father taken from me, however many years passed.

So perhaps to me it would be sadder for my husband to take concubines than for him to beat me.

“…I hate it.”

Who was that woman in the mirror, wrapped in her mask of adornments? She had a familiar form, yet however much I touched the face in the mirror with my fingertips, there was no sign I would grow accustomed to it.

The ornaments in my hair were so extravagant that they didn’t blend at all with my plain features. I felt as uncomfortable as if I were wearing someone else’s clothes.

The vivid rouge forced onto my dry white base only looked excessive. Did they truly think this makeup was beautiful?

To my eyes it was thoroughly unappealing, but since they had made me up this way, men must like this sort of thing. After all, what mattered at a wedding was not the bride’s heart but the groom’s.

Before I knew it, Mother had come up beside me and draped a red cloth over my head. It was a thin cloth, so my vision wasn’t completely blocked, but everything grew much blurrier than before.

I couldn’t even see ahead as I pleased. What a wretched fate. I felt like an animal being dragged to the slaughterhouse.

“Hwacheon, are you looking forward to it?”

“…”

I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. Anxiety outweighed anticipation.

The marriage to come, and its countless uncertainties and hardships, would swallow my life.

Just as marriage had swallowed Mother’s life, it would do the same to mine.

All that was left was misery, and learning to face that misery with composure. Now that what lay ahead was clear, my heart felt somewhat lighter, if anything.

Yes, let’s not dream of happiness. If you don’t hope for anything, you won’t be greatly disappointed when misery comes.

Let’s just be as unhappy as I am right now. I’ve already hit rock bottom, so there’s nowhere further to fall. At least I won’t become more miserable than this.

Even as I forced my heart to settle itself like that, why did tears feel ready to surge up?

“Mother, I’m scared.”

In the end, I said it aloud. I could simply have said that I was looking forward to it, that I was happy, and gotten past the moment, but at the last minute I always fail to hold back and spoil things.

Thinking that saying such things would only worry Mother, I broke into a broad smile as if to deny what I’d just said.

Not that Mother could read my expression properly anyway, with the red cloth covering my face.

Even so, even so, I had to smile. I had to smile even if forced, and act cheerful, to put Mother at ease.

“But it’s all right. You know how clever I am. I’ll manage everything in the end.”

I wasn’t saying it out of bluster. I would endure somehow. I had no intention of conducting myself lazily in the face of something already decided.

“The part of me that’s looking forward to it is bigger than the part that’s scared. So… Mother, don’t worry about anything.”

Only then did Mother smile in relief.

That was enough. If Mother smiled like that, what wouldn’t I do? If I could comfort that fragile woman’s heart, I could put up a lie as many times as it took.

“That’s a relief, Hwacheon.”

The thought of leaving that woman behind and going off to a strange place left me in terrible shape. Even standing still, I felt one corner of my heart being scraped over and over.

If even I left this house, who would be her shield then? Thinking of that, my steps wouldn’t come easily.

It was for that reason, too, that I had deliberately acted more domineering when I visited the small house last time.

Conspicuously, flagrantly. I didn’t mind being cursed as ill-mannered.

I judged that only by frightening them thoroughly like that could I keep them from daring to look down on my mother.

Fortunately, that judgment seemed not to have been entirely wrong. Since that day, the people of the small house had clearly begun to watch their words and actions.

‘However much a married daughter becomes an outsider to her natal family, I have no intention of letting them insult my mother as they please. Even if I have to go there with an axe and smash their walls, even if I have to do worse than that. I will protect Mother without fail.’

This was what a daughter’s unrequited love was like.

Even as her heart boiled over for a mother who did not look at her, who did not regard her as special, she had to quietly digest all those feelings alone.

Even as she told herself not to expect anything, her heart deepened of its own accord.

It wasn’t that I wanted Mother to know. It was fine if she never did.

I only needed the fact that I was protecting her to remain unchanged. That was enough.

Because I love Mother. It’s all right.