Chapter 114
Lionel slowly raised his head like a broken wind-up doll.
Then Agnes, smiling beneath the falling snowflakes, filled his entire vision.
He must have been dreaming.
Otherwise, there was no way Agnes would be smiling at him like that.
Nor would she gently hold his name upon her lips after he had thought she would never call it again.
Lionel took a cautious step toward Agnes and slowly raised his hand.
He wanted to confirm whether what he saw before him was real.
Within the unreal scenery, his long fingertips reached toward the corner of Agnes’s lips as though feeling their way.
The moment his hand touched her, he thought Agnes would scatter like mist and disappear.
As though mocking that thought, the smooth curve of Agnes’s smile met his fingertips.
Lionel’s eyes trembled violently.
She was warm.
Even after he touched her, Agnes did not disappear.
Therefore, this was not a dream.
It was reality.
Lionel curled his burning fingers into a fist as though he had been scalded.
It felt as if Agnes’s scent had become engraved upon his skin.
Perhaps because of that.
Or perhaps because he had run all the way here.
A burning thirst suddenly rose within him, forcing Lionel to swallow hard.
“I… heard you were looking for me.”
“Is that true?”
Agnes smiled ever so faintly.
“Yes.”
“That’s right.”
Captivated by that smile, Lionel could only follow Agnes with his eyes as though enchanted.
“When I thought about it, I realized it had been far too long since we last shared a meal together.”
Agnes even entrusted the handles of her wheelchair to Lionel.
“The snow makes it a little difficult to move around by myself.”
“Would you push me?”
“Yes.”
Lionel’s reply escaped almost reflexively.
Still dazed, he began pushing Agnes’s wheelchair.
☆☆☆
At Agnes’s request, Lionel sat across from her at the dining table, repeatedly swallowing dryly.
“Why aren’t you eating, Lionel?”
“…I am.”
Keeping his eyes fixed on Agnes, Lionel moved his knife.
Without even knowing what he was cutting.
Even though he could clearly feel the weight of the knife in his hand, none of this felt real.
He had not even begged for her forgiveness yet.
And yet Agnes was acting as though she had already forgiven all of his sins.
No.
More than that.
She was acting as though there had never been any fracture between them.
As though they had returned to the days when she looked at him with eyes full of nothing but affection.
Lionel knew this was abnormal.
But he desperately tried not to dwell on that fact.
Because Agnes’s willingness to stay by his side without avoiding him was unbearably sweet.
And so Lionel gradually surrendered to his selfish desire.
He prayed that this moment would never end.
If this truly were a dream, then he wished never to wake, even if it meant remaining trapped here forever.
If only this moment could last a little longer.
‘Whatever this anxiety is, it must be nothing more than needless worry.’
‘Agnes is smiling at me like this.’
Feigning calmness, Lionel continued eating.
Had he known beforehand that simply sharing a meal with someone could bring such fulfillment, he would never have wasted all those precious moments.
The time that had already slipped beyond his grasp, and the time that continued slipping away even now, made his heart ache.
And so Lionel chose to be a coward.
He had truly resolved that the moment he saw Agnes today, he would kneel before her and confess every one of his sins.
The truth about Raul as well.
Just a little longer.
Just a few more hours.
He convinced himself to postpone everything.
Because he wanted to savor this warmth.
This peace.
Just a little longer.
Mocking himself for his own cowardice, Lionel repeatedly reached for his glass of water to soothe the burning in his throat.
At that moment, Agnes’s gaze wavered ever so slightly.
But Lionel, without the slightest suspicion, lifted the glass and drank from it.
Normally, he would have noticed such an awkward action immediately.
But the Lionel of this moment behaved as though a crucial screw had come loose.
His entire mind was consumed by Agnes.
He could no longer think clearly.
And so, without any suspicion, he emptied the glass completely.
Without realizing what had been mixed into it.
☆☆☆
As that meal, fleeting like a dream, gradually came to an end, Agnes’s complexion slowly grew paler.
Lionel was the first to notice the subtle change.
“Are you tired?”
Instead of answering, Agnes gave a tiny nod.
Without asking another question, Lionel immediately rose from his seat and naturally began pushing Agnes’s wheelchair toward the bedroom.
When they reached the bedroom, Lionel gently lifted Agnes into his arms and seated her on the bed.
Each time Agnes so willingly rested within his embrace throughout the entire process, he found himself repeating the same words in his heart.
Just a little longer.
Surely today alone…
Or at least until tomorrow…
Wouldn’t that be alright?
But Lionel knew.
He could not keep postponing it any longer.
Now…
He had to do what he was supposed to do.
After placing a pillow behind Agnes’s back, he took a slow breath and prepared to speak.
“Agnes.”
“There is something I need to tell you.”
But suddenly, his vision blurred.
The room tilted.
As though everything around him lagged a beat behind, the ceiling slowly spun before sinking downward.
“…?”
His body grew heavy, as though overwhelming drowsiness had overtaken him.
His thoughts became sluggish.
It felt as though he were slowly sinking into deep water.
Trying to regain his senses, Lionel shook his head violently and reached out to brace himself against the bedsheet as he struggled to stand.
But his body refused to obey him.
His arm, gripping the bedsheet, lacked the strength to support him.
His body collapsed back onto the bed.
‘Why is my body…’
Even as Lionel desperately fought against his heavy eyelids, he reached toward Agnes.
Agnes quietly looked down at him.
“…Don’t worry.”
“It’s only a sleeping pill.”
“You’ll be perfectly fine after you get a good sleep.”
Sleeping pills?
Lionel’s unfocused eyes shook in confusion.
“A… Agnes.”
“What did you give me…?”
“Why… why would you do… this…?”
Only then did Lionel remember that Agnes had recently been prescribed sleeping pills.
Could she have dissolved them into his glass of water?
He desperately tried to keep his consciousness from slipping away.
But his mind became increasingly clouded.
As Lionel lay completely collapsed upon the bed, Agnes slowly reached out her hand.
Then, just as she had done at the observatory, she gently brushed back his hair.
That touch felt like a final farewell.
A surge of terror welled up from the depths of Lionel’s heart.
If he lost consciousness like this…
It felt as though Agnes would leave him forever.
And so Lionel struggled desperately, trying somehow to hold on to Agnes.
But his weakening hand managed only to rest his fingers upon her wrist.
“…Lionel.”
“Do you know something?”
“…What… do… you mean…?”
“You’re the one who made my leg like this.”
Lionel’s drowsy face slowly twisted into ruin.
His pale blue eyes, which had always remained cold, gradually filled with despair.
Then, as he once again faced the irreversible sin he had committed…
A strangled voice tried to escape him.
Or rather, it tried to.
But at that moment, the familiar terror seized his throat.
He couldn’t breathe.
Once again, no words came out.
Only his lips moved.
No sound emerged in the end.
Looking down at Lionel, Agnes smiled sadly.
“So… you already knew.”
With those words, the hand that had been stroking his hair slowly began to pull away.
Lionel desperately tried to hold onto it.
No.
It’s not like that.
I was going to tell you.
I knew everything.
So please…
Don’t look at me as though you’ve already given up on me.
But in the end, none of those words became sound.
He could neither move nor speak.
Even at the very moment Agnes’s slender wrist slipped free from the palm of his hand…
Lionel could do nothing.
“You know, Lionel.”
“If we keep staying together like this, we’ll only end up destroying each other.”
The pale gray eyes that had already resigned themselves to everything were already saying goodbye.
“I don’t want to end up resenting you without even realizing it.”
“I don’t want to return the same wounds I received back to you.”
Lionel desperately tried to shake his head.
But nothing could reach Agnes.
‘Don’t go.’
‘Please don’t abandon me, Agnes.’
I’m not ready to be abandoned by you yet.
Please…
Stay by my side just a little longer.
Lionel screamed those words within his heart.
Like the snow falling beyond the window…
The corners of Lionel’s long eyelashes resting upon his pale face slowly turned red.
Instead of the voice trapped within his throat…
Heat welled up from the depths of his eyes, and his vision blurred.
At last, a tear slipped from the corner of his eye.
It rolled down the bridge of Lionel’s high nose.
*Drip.*
It fell onto the bedsheet.
Together with Agnes’s final farewell.
“So… let’s stop here.”
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